We all have coping mechanisms that we turn to when life gets overwhelming—some healthy, like prayer or exercise, and others not so much, like isolating ourselves or numbing the pain with distractions. When things aren’t going how we want, we gravitate toward what’s familiar because it feels safe and comfortable. But here’s the hard truth: what feels familiar isn’t always best for us. While we might believe we can handle things alone, the reality is that no one is meant to walk through struggles by themselves.
Why We Turn to Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
When we face pain or disappointment, our first instinct is often to protect ourselves. Maybe it’s turning on autopilot and staying busy to avoid thinking about what’s hurting us. Perhaps it’s shutting people out because we don’t want to feel vulnerable. We lean on these habits because they’re comfortable. They’re our defence mechanisms against feeling weak or out of control.
But succumbing to these habits can be dangerous. We end up numbing our emotions, pushing away people who want to help, and shutting off parts of ourselves that need to be heard and healed. Over time, what started as a way to cope becomes a destructive pattern that can wreak havoc on our lives.
The Danger of Isolation: Why We Can’t Do It Alone
There’s a common misconception that we can handle everything on our own, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. The Bible clearly shows us that we are not meant to be alone. In Genesis 2:18, God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” This statement goes beyond the context of marriage—it’s a foundational truth about human nature. We were created for connection, for community, for support.
When we try to fight our “demons” alone, we set ourselves up for failure. It’s like trying to lift a heavy weight without a spotter—it’s only a matter of time before we buckle under the pressure. This is why isolation is so dangerous. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 reminds us, “Two are better than one… If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” We weren’t designed to carry our burdens alone, and pride often stands in the way of us reaching out for help.
Pride: The Barrier to Healing
Pride keeps us from accepting help from others and traps our pain deep within.
Have you ever found yourself saying, “I don’t need anyone’s help”? I have. During tough seasons, I would put on a brave face, insisting I could handle everything. But all that did was bury my pain deeper and isolate me from people who could have helped me heal.
Pride tells us that needing support is a weakness. LIES! Reaching out for help is an act of courage, not weakness. When we allow pride to keep us from asking for support, we prolong our suffering and prevent ourselves from experiencing the healing that comes through connection.
Suppression Leads to Survival Mode
When we refuse to face our pain, we end up suppressing it—burying it deep and pretending it’s not there. But suppressed emotions don’t go away. They simmer under the surface and show up in unexpected ways, often when we least expect them. Maybe it’s snapping at a friend over something trivial or feeling overwhelmed by simple tasks. This happens when we live in “survival mode”—we’re constantly on edge, bracing for the next emotional hit because deep down, we know we haven’t dealt with what’s really happening.
Over time, suppression can lead to burnout, anxiety, and even physical symptoms. We become experts at functioning on the outside, but we’re falling apart on the inside. Psalm 34:18 reminds us, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” God doesn’t want us to suppress our pain. He invites us to bring it to Him, to let Him carry our burdens, and to lean on others who can support us.
When Unresolved Pain Spreads: Healing is Contagious, but So Is Hurt
If we don’t deal with our pain, it doesn’t just go away. It spreads into other areas of our lives. Have you ever noticed how an unresolved issue at work can affect your mood at home? Or how a difficult family relationship make you irritable and defensive in other friendships? This is because pain that isn’t addressed becomes contagious. It leaks out into our relationships, our work, and our health.
“Time heals all wounds” is a popular saying, but it’s a myth. Time alone doesn’t heal anything—intentionality does. We can’t just sit back and hope that our pain will eventually fade away. We have to be active participants in our healing. That means facing our emotions head-on and doing the hard work of processing them with the help of others.
Steps to Move Out of Isolation and into Healing
So, how do we break the cycle of isolation and face our pain with courage? Here are some practical steps to get started:
- Acknowledge your need for support: Admit that you can’t do this alone. This isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a step toward healing. Take a moment to pray, asking God to guide you toward people who can support you this season.
- Reach out and connect: Take the first step to connect, whether it’s a friend, family member, counsellor, or support group. Ecclesiastes 4:12 reminds us, “A cord of three strands is not easily broken.” When we invite others into our healing, we become stronger.
- Be honest about your struggles: Vulnerability is hard but necessary. Share what you’re going through honestly, without fear of judgment. Sometimes, simply speaking our pain out loud is the first step toward freedom.
- Identify your unhealthy coping mechanisms: Take note of the habits you turn to when you’re stressed or hurting. Are you isolating, numbing, or suppressing? Recognize these patterns and ask yourself, “What am I trying to avoid?”
- Replace harmful coping mechanisms with healthy ones: Find healthier ways to process your emotions through journaling, prayer, exercise, or speaking with a trusted friend or therapist. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Let others support and guide you.
Conclusion: We Heal in Community
None of us will ever fully heal until we realize we need support. God created us for connection, community, and relationships that build us up when we struggle. We can’t keep numbing and running from our pain because, at some point, it will catch up. Healing requires facing what we’re going through head-on, and it takes intentionality on our part.
So, if you’re struggling, remember: You don’t have to fight alone. God is with you, and there are people who want to support you. Healing is not a solo journey. It’s a process we walk through together, step by step, day by day.
Reflection Questions:
- What unhealthy coping mechanisms do you turn to when you’re stressed or hurting?
- Who in your life can you reach out to for support today?
- How has pride kept you from seeking help in the past, and how can you overcome it moving forward?
Take the First Step
If you’ve been struggling alone, I encourage you to take that first step today. Reach out to someone you trust. Ask for prayer, share your story, or even just let them know you’re struggling. Don’t let pride keep you isolated—healing happens in community. Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. Let’s support one another in the journey toward wholeness.
By leaning into community and trusting God’s guidance, we can break free from isolation and step into the fullness of healing He has for us.
Until next time,
Abby
Authentically Abby 