Abigail

Identifying Sabotage in Your Comforts

In a world of quick fixes, fleeting comforts can be deceptive, masking deeper issues. True healing requires facing painful truths and aligning with God’s guidance instead of succumbing to superficial pleasure. Discernment is crucial in recognising God’s lasting blessings versus temporary distractions that hinder growth. Embrace the challenging journey toward transformation.

Have you ever wondered if the things that bring you comfort might actually be keeping you from peace? In moments of pain, it’s easy to reach for whatever brings quick relief—a distraction, a habit, or a relationship. But what if those comforts are really traps in disguise? When you believe the lies for so long, they become a comfort, and the truth becomes a threat. Sometimes, what feels like a “blessing” at the moment is actually sabotage, leading us away from genuine healing.

In this post, we’ll examine the difference between temporary fixes and real transformation, examining whether our choices are drawing us closer to God’s love or keeping us stuck in self-sabotage. Are you in a safe space, or are you sabotaging your own future? Let’s find out.

Bandaids on Bullet Holes: The Trap of Temporary Fixes

When we turn to fleeting pleasures—excessive drinking, drugs, impulsive relationships, or anything that compromises our integrity—we’re not finding relief; we’re numbing the pain temporarily. It’s like putting a bandaid on a bullet hole. Sure, it might dull the pain, but it doesn’t heal the wound. In fact, it often makes things worse by keeping us from the truth.

When you believe the lies for so long, they become a comfort, and the truth becomes a threat. We might start to feel like these temporary pleasures are all we have, but the truth—God’s truth—invites us to dig deeper. It challenges us to face the pain we’ve been hiding from. And here’s a reality check: You’re not healing if you’re not evolving and growing, and you can’t heal what you won’t feel.

John 10:10 warns us, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.” When we cling to what the world offers to soothe us, we’re often choosing sabotage over safety. It may feel comforting at first, but anything that keeps us from healing only sets us up for more heartache.

Safe Spaces vs. Sabotage: Are You Growing or Staying Stuck?

When life gets tough, we tend to seek comfort in the familiar, even if that familiarity isn’t good for us. We turn to old friends, familiar habits, or activities that make us feel safe, even if they aren’t aligned with God’s best for us. But are these things helping us grow or keeping us stuck?

Consider the people you’ve surrounded yourself with and the behaviours you’re engaging in. Are they pushing you to embody the fruits of the Spirit—gentleness, self-control, patience? Or are they pulling you toward the fruits of the flesh—anger, envy, selfishness? True healing, the kind that comes from God, doesn’t come wrapped in rainbows and instant relief. It’s a process often marked by what the Bible calls “long-suffering” or enduring patience, and it involves facing some hard truths about ourselves.

This process isn’t easy. Healing is messy; it requires patience and vulnerability. It’s looking in the mirror and seeing every habit and weakness staring back at you in bold letters. You can’t heal what you won’t feel, and often, God brings us face-to-face with our pain so we can work through it. Sure, it might feel safer to run, to numb, to avoid the reflection. But who said healing was easy?

The Pain of Healing: Looking in the Mirror

Real healing isn’t a magic spell; it’s more like peeling back layers, facing every flaw, every habit, and every scar. When we turn to God for healing, He shows us the ugliest parts of ourselves—not to shame us, but to transform us. By acknowledging these things, we invite God to turn our brokenness into something beautiful.

This requires bravery. It means choosing to face the truth over comforting lies. You’re not healing if you’re not evolving and growing—healing is a journey that requires active participation, and sometimes, that means sitting with the uncomfortable truths about ourselves. By inviting God to transform us, we allow ourselves to be freed from lies we’ve believed for too long, lies that kept us comfortable but stagnant.

Take a look at your life. Are you growing and evolving, or have you settled into patterns that bring temporary pleasure but no real healing? When God calls us to true healing, He asks us to examine our hearts closely and invite Him into our struggles. Psalm 139:23-24 is a powerful reminder of this: “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

Discerning True Blessings from Disguised Traps

Both God and the enemy offer “blessings”—one set disguised in shiny packaging, offering instant relief, and the other offering lasting peace and transformation. The devil is the father of lies, and he’s more than willing to dress up a trap as a gift. Are you willing to trade temporary pleasure for eternal transformation?

James 1:17 tells us, “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” God’s gifts may not always come wrapped in instant gratification, but they lead to a life of peace and fulfilment. The devil’s offerings, on the other hand, will pull us further from our true purpose and identity.

You may be tempted to stay where it’s comfortable, where the lies feel like truth. But remember, the truth of God’s love isn’t about making you comfortable—it’s about making you whole.

Are you willing to trade temporary pleasure for eternal transformation? The devil’s promises are short-lived and have long-term consequences. But God’s promises might require patience and perseverance, but they lead to life, joy, and peace that go beyond understanding.

Ask Yourself: Are You in a Safe Space, or Are You Sabotaging?

So, how do we know if we’re in a safe space or if we’re sabotaging our future? Here are a few questions to help guide your reflection:

Are your actions aligning with the fruits of the Spirit? Galatians 5:22-23 lists the qualities we should strive for: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Do your choices reflect these traits, or are they pulling you further from them? Are you neglecting your responsibilities and your core beliefs?
Are you turning to God or worldly distractions for comfort?: When life gets hard, it’s natural to want relief. But where are you seeking it? Are you turning to God in prayer, or are you numbing your pain with distractions that only provide temporary escape?
Are the people around you supporting your growth or enabling your struggles? Community plays a huge role in our healing journey. Surround yourself with people who challenge you to grow and encourage your walk with God. Be mindful of relationships that keep you stuck in unhealthy patterns. Remember, the people who want the best for you will tell it like it is. It’s up to you to be receptive to feedback. Support is different from enabling.
Are you open to the hard work of healing or running from it? Healing isn’t easy and often brings out parts of ourselves we’d rather not face. But the only way to heal is to go through it, not around it. Are you willing to do the hard work of looking in the mirror and asking God to transform you?

Embracing the Truth of Lasting Transformation

Choosing true healing can feel like an uphill battle in a world that promotes instant gratification. The devil’s lies may promise relief, but they come with chains that will ultimately weigh you down. On the other hand, true healing is a journey that leads to freedom, but it requires patience, trust, and willingness to let God work in the deepest parts of our souls.

So, don’t trade a lifetime of happiness for a moment of fleeting pleasure. Embrace the hard work of healing and allow God to guide you through it. When we open our hearts to Him, we invite His love, patience, and transformation to take root in our lives.

Reflection Questions:

Are there areas in your life where you’re relying on temporary pleasures rather than God’s promises?
Do the people and habits in your life help you grow, or do they hold you back?
How can you start embodying the fruits of the Spirit in your daily life, even when it’s hard?

Call to Action

Take a moment to reflect and pray. Ask God to reveal any areas of your life where you might be choosing sabotage over safety. Share your thoughts or experiences in the comments below—let’s support each other in choosing lasting transformation over temporary relief.

I highly encourage you to watch the linked video. Even before I finished watching it, the Holy Spirit began revealing what safety and sabotage might look like. Thoughts filled my mind, and I immediately had to start writing them down. When we allow the Spirit to move, it does—and everything I received before watching was confirmed in the video. That, my friends, is the undeniable power of God!

Until next time,
Abby

Love and Faith: Why Taking Risks is Essential

Love and faith are intertwined risks that require vulnerability, yet they offer profound fulfilment. Both can lead to personal growth, deeper connections, and a meaningful life. Avoiding these risks might shield us from pain but also deprive us of joy and richness. Embracing love and faith enriches our lives despite uncertainties.

Love and faith—two of the most powerful forces in life, yet both involve stepping into the unknown. At their core, love and faith are both risks. They ask us to open our hearts, to trust in something beyond ourselves, and to give without guarantees of what we’ll receive in return. But why are love and faith so intertwined with risk, and why are they worth embracing despite the potential for disappointment?

The Risk of Love: Opening Your Heart Without Guarantees

What if the two things that could bring the most fulfilment to your life—love and faith—were also the riskiest decisions you’ll ever make?

To love someone, whether it’s a partner, friend, or family member, requires vulnerability. Love isn’t just about the romantic gestures or the warm feelings we get when things are going well. It’s about offering your heart to someone else with no certainty about how it will be treated. We’ve all heard the saying, “Love is a risk,” but what does that really mean?

When we love someone, we risk being hurt, misunderstood or let down. There’s always the chance that the love we give won’t be returned in the way we hope, or that the person we love will change or walk away, leaving us with wounds and heartache. But despite these risks, we continue to love. Why? Because love, even with all its uncertainties, brings immense beauty, joy, and connection into our lives.

The Risk of Faith: Trusting What You Cannot See

Just like love, faith requires a deep sense of trust. But while love is often directed toward other people, faith is rooted in trusting something greater than ourselves—whether it’s God, a higher purpose, or the belief that everything will work out in the end. And this, too, is a risk.

Faith asks us to believe in things we cannot see and to trust in promises that haven’t yet come to pass. It’s the risk of stepping out into the unknown, of following a path when the outcome isn’t clear. Hebrews 11:1 defines faith as “confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” But let’s be honest—living by faith isn’t always easy. It’s often filled with doubts, waiting, and the fear that things won’t turn out the way we planned.

Faith doesn’t come with guarantees. There are moments when you’ll wonder if your prayers are being heard and if the promises you’re holding onto will ever be fulfilled. You risk disappointment, delay, and confusion. But just as with love, the risk of faith is outweighed by the potential for transformation.

Love and Faith: Why They’re Both Worth the Risk

So, why take the risk of love and faith? Why put your heart on the line for something that might let you down? Because, despite the uncertainties, love and faith are the two wings that lift our lives, allowing us to soar above the ordinary and touch the heights of joy, connection, and purpose.

1. Love and faith are like fertile soil that grows resilience.

Love and faith are not just feelings; they are growth experiences. They stretch us beyond our comfort zones, making us stronger and more compassionate. Love, like a plant reaching for sunlight, grows through patience, kindness, and the ability to weather the sunshine and the storms. Faith, like roots pushing deep into the earth, builds a foundation of strength and resilience, especially when the winds of life are rough. In the end, we stand taller and stronger than before.

2. They create connections as rivers carve their way through valleys.

Love and faith are not just personal experiences; they are about connection. Love connects us deeply with others, forging relationships that are like rivers winding their way through valleys, nourishing the landscape of our lives. Faith connects us to God, offering peace and direction like a lighthouse guiding us home through the fog. Together, they weave bonds that sustain us through trials, bringing moments of stillness and clarity in a chaotic world.

3. They make life feel more vivid and meaningful, like stepping into full colour.

Without love and faith, life can feel like a series of greys and muted tones. Love and faith bring colour and dimension, filling life with purpose, joy, and depth. Love paints our days in vibrant hues of connection and warmth, while faith adds depth and shadows that shape our understanding of who we are and why we’re here. Together, they create a masterpiece, showing us life’s beauty in all its fullness.

By embracing the risks of love and faith, we’re invited into a richly textured and deeply felt life—a life that, despite its uncertainties, offers rewards that are well worth the journey.

The Dangers of Avoiding the Risks

Choosing not to love or not to have faith might protect us from pain in the short term, but it comes with its own consequences. When we refuse to risk love, we build walls around our hearts. We might keep the hurt out, but we also keep out the joy, fulfilment, and deep connection that love brings. Similarly, when we refuse to have faith, we limit ourselves to what we can control, missing out on the peace and possibilities that come with trusting something greater than ourselves.

It’s like living in a fortress. You’re safe from the storms but also cut off from the beauty of the world outside. Avoiding risk may keep you comfortable, but it also keeps you from fully experiencing life’s greatest blessings.

How to Embrace the Risks of Love and Faith

Be open to vulnerability: Loving and having faith both require vulnerability. You must be willing to open your heart, trust, and accept that you don’t have control over everything. It’s okay to feel afraid but don’t let that fear keep you from experiencing the beauty of love and faith.
Let go of perfection: Neither love nor faith requires perfection. You don’t have to be perfect in your relationships or in your spiritual journey. The important thing is showing up, doing your best, and allowing yourself to learn and grow along the way.
Lean on community: Both love and faith flourish when a supportive community surrounds us. Build relationships with people who encourage you to love deeply and live faithfully. In times of doubt, those relationships can help strengthen your resolve.
Trust the process: Both love and faith require patience and endurance. There will be moments when you want to give up because the journey feels too difficult or the outcome too uncertain. Trust that the process shapes you into a stronger, more compassionate person.

Conclusion: The Rewards of Risk

Love and faith are not for the faint of heart. They ask us to take chances, to trust without guarantees, and to give of ourselves even when it’s hard. But the risks are worth it. When we choose to love, we experience the fullness of human connection. When we choose to have faith, we find peace and purpose even in the face of uncertainty.

The greatest blessings in life often come when we step out of our comfort zones and embrace the unknown. So, take the risk. Love deeply. Believe fiercely. The rewards are greater than any fear that may hold you back.

Reflection Questions:

In what areas do you hesitate to risk love or faith?
How can you embrace vulnerability in your relationships and faith journey?
What is one step you can take today to open yourself up to the risks of love or faith?

Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below. Let’s support each other in taking these beautiful risks!

Be sure to check out Understanding Love.

Until next time,
Abby

“Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.” – T.S. Eliot

Why Coping Alone Doesn’t Work: The Need for Support in Healing

When life gets overwhelming, we often rely on familiar coping mechanisms to shield us from pain, but not all of them lead to healing. We aren’t meant to fight our battles alone. True healing begins when we set aside pride, reach out for support, and intentionally face our struggles.

We all have coping mechanisms that we turn to when life gets overwhelming—some healthy, like prayer or exercise, and others not so much, like isolating ourselves or numbing the pain with distractions. When things aren’t going how we want, we gravitate toward what’s familiar because it feels safe and comfortable. But here’s the hard truth: what feels familiar isn’t always best for us. While we might believe we can handle things alone, the reality is that no one is meant to walk through struggles by themselves.

Why We Turn to Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms

When we face pain or disappointment, our first instinct is often to protect ourselves. Maybe it’s turning on autopilot and staying busy to avoid thinking about what’s hurting us. Perhaps it’s shutting people out because we don’t want to feel vulnerable. We lean on these habits because they’re comfortable. They’re our defence mechanisms against feeling weak or out of control.

But succumbing to these habits can be dangerous. We end up numbing our emotions, pushing away people who want to help, and shutting off parts of ourselves that need to be heard and healed. Over time, what started as a way to cope becomes a destructive pattern that can wreak havoc on our lives.

The Danger of Isolation: Why We Can’t Do It Alone

There’s a common misconception that we can handle everything on our own, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. The Bible clearly shows us that we are not meant to be alone. In Genesis 2:18, God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” This statement goes beyond the context of marriage—it’s a foundational truth about human nature. We were created for connection, for community, for support.

When we try to fight our “demons” alone, we set ourselves up for failure. It’s like trying to lift a heavy weight without a spotter—it’s only a matter of time before we buckle under the pressure. This is why isolation is so dangerous. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 reminds us, “Two are better than one… If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” We weren’t designed to carry our burdens alone, and pride often stands in the way of us reaching out for help.

Pride: The Barrier to Healing

Pride keeps us from accepting help from others and traps our pain deep within.

Have you ever found yourself saying, “I don’t need anyone’s help”? I have. During tough seasons, I would put on a brave face, insisting I could handle everything. But all that did was bury my pain deeper and isolate me from people who could have helped me heal.

Pride tells us that needing support is a weakness. LIES! Reaching out for help is an act of courage, not weakness. When we allow pride to keep us from asking for support, we prolong our suffering and prevent ourselves from experiencing the healing that comes through connection.

Suppression Leads to Survival Mode

When we refuse to face our pain, we end up suppressing it—burying it deep and pretending it’s not there. But suppressed emotions don’t go away. They simmer under the surface and show up in unexpected ways, often when we least expect them. Maybe it’s snapping at a friend over something trivial or feeling overwhelmed by simple tasks. This happens when we live in “survival mode”—we’re constantly on edge, bracing for the next emotional hit because deep down, we know we haven’t dealt with what’s really happening.

Over time, suppression can lead to burnout, anxiety, and even physical symptoms. We become experts at functioning on the outside, but we’re falling apart on the inside. Psalm 34:18 reminds us, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” God doesn’t want us to suppress our pain. He invites us to bring it to Him, to let Him carry our burdens, and to lean on others who can support us.

When Unresolved Pain Spreads: Healing is Contagious, but So Is Hurt

If we don’t deal with our pain, it doesn’t just go away. It spreads into other areas of our lives. Have you ever noticed how an unresolved issue at work can affect your mood at home? Or how a difficult family relationship make you irritable and defensive in other friendships? This is because pain that isn’t addressed becomes contagious. It leaks out into our relationships, our work, and our health.

“Time heals all wounds” is a popular saying, but it’s a myth. Time alone doesn’t heal anything—intentionality does. We can’t just sit back and hope that our pain will eventually fade away. We have to be active participants in our healing. That means facing our emotions head-on and doing the hard work of processing them with the help of others.

Steps to Move Out of Isolation and into Healing

So, how do we break the cycle of isolation and face our pain with courage? Here are some practical steps to get started:

Acknowledge your need for support: Admit that you can’t do this alone. This isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a step toward healing. Take a moment to pray, asking God to guide you toward people who can support you this season.
Reach out and connect: Take the first step to connect, whether it’s a friend, family member, counsellor, or support group. Ecclesiastes 4:12 reminds us, “A cord of three strands is not easily broken.” When we invite others into our healing, we become stronger.
Be honest about your struggles: Vulnerability is hard but necessary. Share what you’re going through honestly, without fear of judgment. Sometimes, simply speaking our pain out loud is the first step toward freedom.
Identify your unhealthy coping mechanisms: Take note of the habits you turn to when you’re stressed or hurting. Are you isolating, numbing, or suppressing? Recognize these patterns and ask yourself, “What am I trying to avoid?”
Replace harmful coping mechanisms with healthy ones: Find healthier ways to process your emotions through journaling, prayer, exercise, or speaking with a trusted friend or therapist. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Let others support and guide you.

Conclusion: We Heal in Community

None of us will ever fully heal until we realize we need support. God created us for connection, community, and relationships that build us up when we struggle. We can’t keep numbing and running from our pain because, at some point, it will catch up. Healing requires facing what we’re going through head-on, and it takes intentionality on our part.

So, if you’re struggling, remember: You don’t have to fight alone. God is with you, and there are people who want to support you. Healing is not a solo journey. It’s a process we walk through together, step by step, day by day.

Reflection Questions:

What unhealthy coping mechanisms do you turn to when you’re stressed or hurting?
Who in your life can you reach out to for support today?
How has pride kept you from seeking help in the past, and how can you overcome it moving forward?

Take the First Step

If you’ve been struggling alone, I encourage you to take that first step today. Reach out to someone you trust. Ask for prayer, share your story, or even just let them know you’re struggling. Don’t let pride keep you isolated—healing happens in community. Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. Let’s support one another in the journey toward wholeness.

By leaning into community and trusting God’s guidance, we can break free from isolation and step into the fullness of healing He has for us.

Until next time,
Abby

Understanding Love

The essence of love extends beyond feelings; it involves intentional actions rooted in selflessness and understanding. Breaking down 1 Corinthians 13 reveals true love encompasses patience, kindness, and forgiveness. Effective communication and adapting to one’s partner’s love language are vital, fostering deeper connection and ensuring both partners feel valued and fulfilled.

One of the most challenging yet transformative lessons I’ve had to learn is the true nature of love. Love isn’t just about feelings; it’s an intentional, often sacrificial act that requires a deeper understanding of ourselves and our partners. For me, breaking down 1 Corinthians 13 was the key to this realisation. I came across a sermon that left my eyes wide open. It’s linked below.

1 Corinthians 13: A Blueprint for Love in Relationships

In 1 Corinthians 13, the Apostle Paul offers a profound description of love. He writes, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” These verses are often quoted at weddings, but they hold even more meaning when applied to the complexities of day-to-day relationships. True love isn’t just about grand gestures or romantic moments; it’s about showing patience, kindness, humility, and forgiveness when things get tough.

When we measure our relationships against these qualities, we realise how much we still have to learn. I thought I knew what love was, but I didn’t fully understand the selflessness it requires—loving someone for who they are, not just for how they make me feel.

Loving Your Partner the Way They Want to Be Loved

One of the biggest misconceptions in relationships is that love comes naturally and that we should automatically know how to love one another. While certain things like respect, kindness, and consideration are fundamental, the truth is that we’re not mind readers. What one person considers love might not align with their partner’s needs or expectations. This is why it’s crucial to love your partner how they want to be loved, not just how you prefer to show love.

This was a hard lesson for me to learn. I used to believe that my way of expressing love—through acts of service and words of affirmation—was enough. I would cook meals, offer encouraging words, and assume I was doing everything right. But I wasn’t asking my partner what they needed from me. They craved quality time and physical touch, which I often neglected because I was focused on showing love my way, not their way. We tend to assume our love language is universal, but it’s not. Love requires communication—ask your partner what makes them feel valued, seen, and cherished, and then act on that.

“Ask, and you shall receive.” This principle applies not just to prayer but also to relationships. When you express your needs clearly and ask your partner how they feel loved, you open the door to a deeper, more fulfilling connection. And when both people know better, they can do better.

Pitfalls of Miscommunication and Assumptions

Miscommunication is one of the biggest relationship pitfalls. We often make assumptions about what our partner should know or feel without ever expressing it clearly. I learned this the hard way when I felt hurt by something my partner did, yet I never told them why. I expected them to “just know” they had upset me. But when we leave our feelings unsaid, we create space for resentment to grow.

In relationships, it’s essential to avoid making assumptions. Assuming our partner can read our minds, we set ourselves up for disappointment. Likewise, thinking we know what they need without asking can lead to unmet expectations and hurt feelings. Clear communication is the foundation of love—it’s not about being right but understanding each other better.

The Importance of Communication: Learning to Love Better

I also used to believe that I was doing everything right if my intentions were good. But the truth is, we all have shortcomings in our love, and we only recognize them when we allow God to search and purify our hearts. For me, this was a turning point. When I asked God to reveal areas where I could grow, He showed me that while I wasn’t wrong in my approach, there was much more to learn. He “clocked” me, as they say!

It’s not that I didn’t know love, but I didn’t fully grasp what it truly entails—the ongoing work, the humility, the grace.

A Thin Line Between Love and Hate

When love is used as a bargaining tool, it becomes transactional, and this conditional approach can lead to deep emotional pain when the “rules” of love are broken. Love, by nature, is supposed to be a safe space where trust, vulnerability, and mutual care thrive. However, when someone uses love to manipulate or control, it creates an imbalance of power, shifting the relationship into a fragile space where affection is given and withheld as leverage. This leads directly to the concept of “a thin line between love and hate.” The shift from love to hate can be rapid when one feels betrayed or used, as the emotional investment in love is high, making any breach of trust or manipulation feel like a deep personal wound.

It hurts so much when these rules are broken because genuine love is built on trust and openness. When that foundation is shattered, the emotional fallout is a betrayal of our most intimate feelings. The line between love and hate becomes thinner when expectations aren’t met, or love is taken advantage of, turning once beautiful emotions into resentment. The hurt runs deep because, in a sense, we expect love to be unconditional, and when it’s not, it feels like a rejection of the very essence of who we are.

Be careful not to view love as a bargain. Give it freely without expecting anything in return.

Putting It Into Practice: The Journey of Loving Better

In my own life, learning this lesson wasn’t easy. I fell victim to worldly patterns—keeping score or retreating into pride. But I’ve found that when I love according to God’s standards, the peace and growth that follow are far more rewarding.

Here are some practical steps I’ve learned through my journey to love more intentionally:

Ask, don’t assume. Take time to ask your partner how they feel most loved and heard. You’ll be surprised how much more connected you feel when you love them in ways that resonate with them. Example: If your partner feels loved through quality time, plan a date night where you’re fully present. Leave the phone behind, engage in meaningful conversation, and show them their time matters to you.
Practice humility. Pride often blocks true intimacy. When disagreements arise, pause and ask yourself if you’re more focused on being right or loving. Example: In moments of conflict, instead of reacting immediately, take a breath and respond with empathy. Ask your partner how they feel and tell them you care about their emotions.
Forgive as God forgives. Don’t keep score or hold grudges. Love doesn’t keep a record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:5), and neither should we. If we want to experience God’s grace in our relationships, we must extend that same grace to our partner. Example: The next time your partner makes a mistake, address the issue at hand instead of bringing up past hurts with a clean slate. Approach it from a place of love and understanding.
Check in regularly. Love is not a one-time decision; it’s an ongoing commitment. Make it a habit to check in with your partner about how things are going and whether their needs are being met. Example: Set aside a weekly or monthly time to discuss your relationship. Ask open-ended questions like, “How can I support you better?” or “Is there anything we can work on together?”

The World vs. God’s Definition of Love

In today’s culture, we’re often taught to keep score, be petty, and “get even” when we feel wronged. Social media encourages the idea that relationships should be easy, and if they’re not, it’s time to move on. But God’s definition of love is radically different. In Mark 12:31, Jesus teaches us that the greatest commandment is to love—love unconditionally, love sacrificially, and love without keeping a record of wrongs.

God doesn’t hold our sins against us. When Jesus died on the cross, He paid the ransom for all our mistakes, giving us a fresh start. If God can forgive us completely, we can extend that same forgiveness and grace to those we love. This isn’t about ignoring boundaries or tolerating abuse; it’s about choosing to love with the same grace we’ve been given. Forgiveness is not just an act but a crucial element in our relationships, allowing us to love more deeply and unconditionally.

Conclusion: Learning to Love with Intention

Learning to love better is a journey, not a destination. It requires constant self-reflection, communication, and a willingness to grow. When we align our love with God’s definition—patient, kind, humble, and forgiving—we improve our relationships and experience deeper intimacy and fulfilment.

Remember these key takeaways:

Love your partner how they want to be loved. Ask them directly what makes them feel cherished.
Communicate openly. Don’t assume your partner knows what you need or how you think—express it.
Forgive freely. Don’t keep score; approach your partner with grace and understanding.
Keep learning. Relationships evolve, and so should your approach to love. It’s essential to adapt to changes in a relationship. Regularly check in with your partner to grow together. By following these principles, we can transform our relationships from transactional love to intentional love—the kind that reflects God’s grace and brings true fulfilment.

Reflection Questions

Take a few moments to reflect on your relationships:

What is your love language, and have you communicated it to your partner?
How do you show love in your relationships, and does it align with how your partner wants to be loved?
What assumptions have you made in the past that may have led to miscommunication? How can you address these moving forward?

Call to Action

Have you ever experienced a breakthrough in your relationship by asking your partner what they need instead of assuming? Share your story in the comments below! Let’s learn from each other and grow together in love.

Love Language Quiz

If you’re unsure of your love language, take this quick quiz to discover how you and your partner can best show and receive love. Understanding your love language can strengthen your relationship and bring joy and connection to your daily lives.

Click here to take the Love Language Quiz.

Until next time,
Abby

Do You Want to Hear the Harsh Truth? No One is Coming to Save You

No one is coming to save you—and that’s where your power lies. True healing comes when you stop waiting for someone else to fix things and take full responsibility for your life. By stepping out of victimhood and into empowerment, you become the creator of your transformation.

When we experience pain, loss, or trauma, it’s easy to wait for someone else to step in and rescue us. We think, “If only someone would help me, then I could heal.” But here’s a harsh truth: no one is coming to save you. While that might sound daunting, it’s actually empowering. In continuing our journey from Healing Mindset: Transforming Trauma, we’re diving deeper into how we often fall into patterns of victimhood—and how taking full ownership of our healing is the only way to break free.

The Drama Triangle: A Trap That Keeps Us Stuck

One of the ways we get stuck is by falling into what’s called the Drama Triangle, a concept developed by Stephen Karpman. This triangle consists of three roles we often assume in times of distress:

Victim: We feel powerless and blame others or our circumstances for our pain.
Rescuer/Hero: We try to save others or expect someone else to save us, which avoids personal responsibility.
Persecutor/Villain: We blame or criticize others for our suffering, creating a cycle of resentment and frustration.

Does this sound familiar? It’s easy to fall into these roles, but they keep us stuck in a loop of helplessness and blame. The Victim role feels particularly seductive when life gets hard. I know this firsthand—I used to wait for someone to come along and “fix” things for me. But that waiting never brought me closer to healing.

Take a moment to reflect: Have you ever found yourself in one of these roles? Maybe you’ve expected someone else to “rescue” you from your problems. How has that worked out? Often, the longer we stay in the Drama Triangle, the more frustrated we become.

Breaking Free: Stepping Into the Role of Creator

When we accept the truth that no one is coming to save us, we realize something powerful: we have the ability to save ourselves. This shift from being a Victim to becoming a Creator of our lives is where healing begins.

I remember a time in my life when I was stuck in the Victim role. After an injury altered my career path, I felt lost and hopeless, constantly waiting for someone or something to pull me out of the situation. But it wasn’t until I accepted that I was the only one who could change my story that I began to heal. By shifting my mindset, I found a new passion in healthcare administration, and my life became more prosperous because of that decision.

“Trauma victims cannot recover until they become familiar with and befriend the sensations in their bodies.”– Dr. Bessel van der Kolk.

Key Takeaways for Taking Responsibility

Ready to step out of the Drama Triangle and into a place of empowerment? Here are some practical steps to guide you along the way:

Recognize the patterns: Become aware of when you’re slipping into the roles of Victim, Rescuer, or Persecutor. Awareness is the first step toward breaking the cycle.
Shift your focus from problems to solutions: Instead of focusing on what’s wrong, ask yourself, “What can I do to change my situation?” A solution-based mindset empowers you to take action.
Accept that healing is your responsibility: No one can do your inner work. Once you acknowledge this, you reclaim control over your healing journey.
Set small, actionable goals: Start with simple steps, like journaling your emotions, seeking support from a therapist, or practising self-compassion. Progress happens in small, consistent actions.
Surround yourself with supportive people: While no one can save you, having a community that encourages and uplifts you is essential. Find people who support your growth, not those who keep you stuck.

Shifting Your Mindset: From Victim to Empowered Creator

Moving from Victim to Creator doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process that requires self-awareness and intentional action. But every step forward is a step toward freedom.

As Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor and psychologist, famously said, “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” This insight is a powerful reminder that even when our external circumstances feel out of control, we still hold the power to change how we respond.

Taking Ownership: The Path to Healing

When we stop waiting for someone to save us, we unlock the power to save ourselves. Healing doesn’t come from outside sources—it comes from within. Whether you’re healing from trauma, recovering from loss, or working through pain, the journey begins with your decision to take responsibility for your life.

Here are some additional expert insights to keep in mind:

Dr. Gabor Maté, an expert in trauma, teaches that healing requires us to confront and take responsibility for the emotions we’ve been avoiding. He says, “The essence of trauma is disconnection from ourselves.” Healing is reconnecting with our inner world and taking responsibility for how we move forward.
Brene Brown, in her research on vulnerability and courage, reminds us that “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it.” Taking responsibility for our healing means owning our story, no matter how difficult it might be.

How to Reclaim Your Power

To help guide you on this journey, here are some concrete steps you can start taking today:

Identify where you are in the Drama Triangle: Reflect on whether you’re playing the role of Victim, Rescuer, or Persecutor and how these roles might keep you stuck.
Shift from Victim to Creator: Begin to see yourself as the Creator of your own life. This shift can start with small actions—take responsibility for responding to challenges.
Create a plan for healing: Outline specific steps you can take to start healing. Whether seeking therapy, practising mindfulness, or confronting past emotions, make a plan and stick to it.
Surround yourself with positive influences: Seek out people who empower you rather than those who reinforce the roles of the Drama Triangle. Your environment can have a huge impact on your growth.
Celebrate progress, not perfection: Healing isn’t linear. There will be ups and downs, but every step forward is progress. Celebrate your wins, no matter how small.

Specific Resources for Healing and Empowerment

If you’re looking for additional support as you navigate your healing journey, here are some excellent resources:

The Body Keeps the Score by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk: This book offers a deep dive into understanding trauma and how it affects both the body and mind.
When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress by Dr. Gabor Maté: In this book, Maté explores the connection between trauma, stress, and physical health and offers tools for recovery.
Rising Strong by Brene Brown: Brown’s work on vulnerability and resilience provides powerful insights into owning our story and finding strength through struggle.
Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl: This classic book highlights the power of finding meaning and purpose even in the most challenging circumstances.
Healing Is a Choice by Stephen Arterburn: Arterburn offers practical steps for breaking free from the patterns that keep us from healing, emphasizing the power of personal responsibility.

You Are Your Own Hero

The reality that no one is coming to save you can feel overwhelming, but it’s also incredibly freeing. When you accept this truth, you reclaim your power to create your own life. Stepping out of the Drama Triangle and into the role of Creator is the key to your healing journey.

Now, I leave you with this: What’s one small step you can take today to move from Victim to Creator? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments—I’d love to hear how you’re reclaiming your power and stepping into your role as the hero of your own story.

Until next time,
Abby

https://www.bringthedonuts.com/essays/the-drama-triangle/

Healing Mindset: Transforming Trauma

Life often surprises us with challenges like breakups and loss, reminding us that our reactions matter most while we can’t control events. Healing is a personal responsibility that requires shifting mindsets and taking ownership of our journey. Trusting in God’s process can lead to restoration and growth, making every step towards healing significant.

Life has a way of surprising us. Just when we think we have everything under control, something happens—a breakup, a loss, a painful experience—that leaves us feeling unsteady. While we can’t control these events, how we respond makes all the difference. “10% of our lives are things that happen to us, and 90% is how we react” is a powerful reminder that we are responsible for our healing and growth.

Healing is Our Responsibility

It’s natural to want to point fingers when life throws us curveballs. I remember a time when I felt deeply hurt by someone I trusted, and for a while, I believed that if they had acted differently, I wouldn’t feel so broken. But eventually, I realized that while they may have caused the initial pain, I was responsible for what happened next.

Blaming others keeps us trapped in a cycle of hurt. When we fixate on what happened to us, we give away our power to heal. Healing, after all, is a personal journey. As much as we’d love for others to fix things for us, the truth is, it’s up to us to move forward.

This is where faith plays a pivotal role. In 1 Peter 5:6-10, we are called to “humble ourselves under God’s mighty hand,” so that in due time, He may lift us. This isn’t about pretending the hurt isn’t there—it’s about acknowledging that while we can’t control everything, God can. It’s about trusting in His timing for our healing. When we humbly place our struggles in His hands, we release the weight of what we cannot change and allow Him to guide us through restoration.

Taking Ownership: Moving Forward Instead of Blaming

The beginning of this season of my life was rough! I had a choice: I could wallow in disappointment or find a new way forward. While the initial pain and hurt weren’t something I could control, my response to it was. Instead of feeling defeated, I chose to develop a deeper relationship with God and pursue other interests, and that decision has brought more fulfilment than I ever imagined.

This experience taught me that clinging to old ways, especially when they don’t yield results, can prevent us from seeing new opportunities. When our current approach to healing—whether it’s avoidance, denial, or resentment—doesn’t work, it’s time to take a new direction.

1 Peter 5:6-10 comes into play here again, reassuring that when we humble ourselves and trust in God’s process, we will eventually be lifted. This idea of “lifting up” isn’t just about relief from pain but about rising to new heights—places we couldn’t have imagined if we stayed stuck in our hurt. The path to healing may require a shift in direction, but that change can lead to greater purpose and growth.

The Power of Perspective: Shifting Negative Mindsets

Have you ever walked into a situation expecting the worst, only to find that things turned out exactly how you imagined? That’s the power of mindset. When we think negatively, we limit our opportunities for growth and healing.

I’ve seen this in my own life. During particularly tough times, I would convince myself that nothing good could come out of the situation. That mindset didn’t just limit my growth—it stopped it altogether. It wasn’t until I shifted my perspective, choosing to see setbacks as opportunities for learning and growth, that I began to heal.

In the same way, we can approach trauma and pain with a mindset of defeat or with a mindset of resilience. The Bible reminds us that “after you have suffered a little while, God will restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you” (1 Peter 5:10). This verse holds a vital key to perspective—yes, suffering is part of the journey, but it is not the end. There is a promise of restoration if we are willing to trust in the process, and that promise can be our motivation to keep moving forward.

From Trauma to Triumph: Healing is a Choice

Trauma is not something we choose, but how we move forward from it is. According to Trauma is Not Your Fault, trauma often happens through no fault of our own. However, while trauma itself is beyond our control, healing from it is a conscious decision we must make.

I remember talking with someone who had experienced significant trauma in their life. They were angry, hurt, and, for a while, stuck in the belief that nothing would ever change. They believed their trauma defined them, and as a result, their life remained in a cycle of pain. But once they chose to seek help and shift their perspective, their healing journey began. It wasn’t instant, but they reclaimed their life by taking responsibility for their healing.

This process echoes the idea that while trauma is an unavoidable chapter in our lives, it doesn’t have to be the entire story. Healing is not easy—it often requires therapy, support from others, and deep self-reflection. But as we work through it, we begin to rebuild our lives, with trauma becoming a part of our past, not our future.

Action Steps: Embracing Change and Growth

So, how can we begin the process of healing and growth? Here are a few practical steps to help guide the journey:

Take ownership of your healing-Reflect on how you might be holding yourself back. Is there a part of you still waiting for someone else to make things right? Consider journaling about what healing looks like for you, and list a few small actions you can take to reclaim control of your life.
Change your mindset– Identify negative thoughts that may keep you stuck. One way to do this is through a simple exercise: replace every negative thought that enters your mind with a positive truth. For example, instead of thinking, “This situation is hopeless,” remind yourself, “There is always potential for growth, even in difficult circumstances.”
Seek guidance– Healing is not a journey you have to walk alone. Whether through prayer, counselling, or a trusted friend, having someone to talk to can make a difference. Speaking with a mentor helped me see my struggles in a new light, often pointing out strengths I didn’t realize I had.
Embrace discomfort– Growth rarely happens in comfort zones. Sometimes, the most remarkable healing comes when we allow ourselves to sit with uncomfortable emotions and trust that they are part of the process. Consider trying new activities like mindfulness meditation or taking up a physical exercise that challenges you—it’s a great way to build resilience and strengthen both body and mind.
Celebrate small wins– Healing is a journey; every step forward deserves recognition. Make a habit of acknowledging small victories, whether it’s a breakthrough in therapy, a shift in mindset, or simply a day where you feel lighter. These wins remind you that progress is possible, even when the road is long.

You Hold the Key to Your Healing

Life will always present us with challenges, but our true power lies in how we react. Healing doesn’t happen overnight, but every step we take toward taking ownership of our lives brings us closer to wholeness.

What’s your next step in healing? What’s one thing you can do today to reclaim control over your story? I invite you to share your experiences or insights in the comments—whether you’re just beginning your healing journey or are further along, your story might inspire someone else to take that next step toward wholeness.

“Owning our story can be hard, but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it.” -Brene Brown

Click to access Trauma-Is-Not-Your-Fault.pdf

Until next time,
Abby

Make Prayer Your Daily Steering Wheel

I recently went to see The Forge and boy, was it good! The movie hit home for me in many ways, especially because it touched on much of what I’ve written about here on the blog. But there was one line that really stood out and lingered with me long after the credits rolled.

One of the characters said:

“We can’t treat prayer like some spare tire that you only pull out in an emergency. No. Prayer has to be more like the steering wheel that you hold tightly every day no matter where you’re going.”

What a powerful metaphor, right? It got me thinking about how often we’re all guilty of this—only turning to God when things go wrong when we’re desperate for a way out. But how different would our lives look if we held onto prayer like a steering wheel—something we rely on daily to guide us through every situation?

Prayer: Not a Last Resort, but a Daily Guide

We’ve all been there. A crisis hits—financial trouble, a relationship breakdown, or perhaps a health scare—and we’re praying fervently, asking God for help. In those moments of desperation, we treat prayer like a lifeline, an SOS call to heaven. And, of course, God hears us. But what happens when the storm passes? Do we keep praying? Often, we don’t.

This is where the metaphor of the steering wheel comes in. Prayer isn’t just for the tough times—it’s meant to guide us daily through calm and stormy weather. Think about how a steering wheel operates. You don’t just grab it when you’re headed for a crash; you hold it tightly the entire journey, constantly adjusting your course, even if the road seems straight. Prayer should be the same. It should guide our decisions, help us navigate life’s challenges, and even keep us grounded when everything seems to go our way.

A Personal Journey: Learning to Pray Daily

Let me share a bit of my own story here. There was a time when I only prayed during difficult moments. If things were going smoothly, I would get caught up in the busyness of life and forget to thank God for all the good in my world. It wasn’t intentional, but looking back, it’s clear that I treated prayer like that spare tyre—something I pulled out when the wheels were falling off, but not something I relied on daily.

Everything changed during a particularly challenging season. I was facing a lot of uncertainty—transitioning out of the Army, trying to figure out the next steps in my career, and dealing with personal struggles all at once. It felt like everything was unravelling, and I prayed more than I ever had. But this time, something clicked. Instead of just using prayer to ask for help, I began using it to stay connected to God.

I started praying not just for solutions but also for guidance, clarity, and even the strength to face whatever was ahead. Over time, I noticed a shift in how I approached life’s challenges. I wasn’t just waiting for things to get tough to turn to God; I was walking with Him through every step. Prayer has become my steering wheel, and life has been beautiful since, despite the challenges.

Biblical Examples: Consistency in Prayer

The Bible is filled with examples of people who used prayer as their guiding force, not just in moments of crisis but throughout their daily lives. One of the most powerful examples comes from Daniel. He prayed consistently, even when it put his life in danger. Daniel didn’t just pray when he was about to be thrown into the lion’s den—he prayed three times a day, every day (Daniel 6:10). His relationship with God wasn’t just about asking for deliverance in an emergency; it was about maintaining that connection day in and day out.

Another great example is Jesus Himself. Despite the demands of His ministry, He regularly withdrew to quiet places to pray (Luke 5:16). Even though He was the Son of God, Jesus demonstrated the importance of consistent communication with the Father. If He needed that daily connection, how much more do we?

Practical Tips: Making Prayer Your Steering Wheel

So, how do we move from treating prayer as an emergency response to making it our steering wheel? Here are a few practical tips that have helped me:

Set Aside Daily Time: Consistency is key. Carve out time to pray every day, whether first thing in the morning, during your lunch break, or right before bed. It doesn’t have to be a long or complicated prayer. The important thing is to make it a habit.
Be Honest and Authentic: Sometimes, we don’t need the “perfect” words when praying. But God wants us to be real with Him. Whether you’re feeling joyful, anxious, or frustrated, bring those feelings to Him in prayer.
Pray for Guidance, Not Just Solutions: It’s easy to pray when we need something, but shift your focus toward asking for guidance and wisdom. This way, you invite God to walk you through every decision, not just when you need a way out.
Gratitude is a Form of Prayer: Don’t forget to acknowledge God when things are going well. Thank Him for the little and big things in your life. Gratitude keeps us humble and reminds us that every good thing comes from Him (James 1:17).

Final Thoughts: Keep Holding On

It’s easy to let prayer slip into the background when life is going smoothly, but the truth is, we need it just as much during the calm as we do during the storm. Think of prayer as your steering wheel, something you hold onto no matter where life takes you. When you make that shift, you’ll find yourself more grounded, connected, and prepared for whatever comes your way.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this! Have you ever found yourself treating prayer like a spare tyre? How do you stay consistent in your prayer life? Let’s discuss this in the comments below.

Until next time,
Abby

Breaking the Silence: My Battle with Mental Health

Trigger Warning: This post contains discussions about suicide and mental health struggles. If you or someone you know is in crisis, please reach out to a mental health professional or call a suicide prevention hotline.

Feelings of rejection can leave you questioning your worth and doubting your place in this world. In honour of Suicide Awareness Month, I want to share a part of my story—a chapter that I have kept hidden for far too long but one that I believe needs to be told.

I remember that day vividly; it wasn’t just a bad day—it felt like the culmination of rough years that seemed to stretch endlessly. On this particular day, I felt like I was carrying the world’s weight on my shoulders. The crushing feelings of loneliness, loss, rejection, and hopelessness seemed to all converge at once. I found myself lying alone in a hotel room, feeling utterly isolated. At that moment, the thought of ending my life crept in, not as a fleeting idea but as a seemingly viable solution to all the pain I was feeling. It terrified me that I was even considering it.

I’ve always had a relationship with God. He has been a source of strength for me through many trials. But during those dark years, I had unknowingly pushed Him to the back burner. I wasn’t leaning on Him or drawing from the well of faith that had sustained me before. Instead, I was consumed by my despair. In a desperate moment of clarity, I reached out—I texted two of my closest friends. Their words and love pulled me back from the edge that night, convincing me to hold on, even when I felt like letting go.

But the relief I felt was quickly replaced by a deep shame and guilt. How could I, someone who outwardly seemed so strong, ever have considered such a thing? I have struggled with this shame ever since, carrying it like an invisible scar. That day wasn’t the only time I battled with those thoughts, but it was the first time I truly understood how close I had come. And the memory of it still haunts me.

We live in a society where the ‘heavy stuff’ is often left undiscussed, swept under the rug as if ignoring it will make it disappear. In my culture, especially, conversations about mental health and suicide are almost taboo. We don’t talk about it because it makes people uncomfortable or perhaps because we’re taught to suffer in silence, to keep pushing forward without acknowledging our genuine pain.

But here’s the thing: the more we talk, the less heavy the burden becomes. By sharing our stories, we strip away the shame, stigma, and silence surrounding these struggles. We begin to see that we are not alone, that others have walked this path and survived. We start to understand that our worth is not determined by the moments when we feel broken, but by the courage, it takes to keep going, to reach out, and to heal.

The Importance of Speaking Up

According to the most recent data from the World Health Organization (2023), more than 700,000 people die by suicide every year—it’s a global crisis that knows no boundaries, affecting people of all ages, cultures, and backgrounds. In the United States alone, suicide is the 10th leading cause of death overall and the second leading cause among individuals aged 10 to 34 (National Institute of Mental Health, 2023). For every suicide, there are many more who contemplate or attempt to end their lives.

These numbers are staggering but also highlight the urgency of breaking the silence. We need to normalize conversations about mental health and create spaces where people feel safe to express their pain and seek help without judgment or fear. We must remember that reaching out for support is not a sign of weakness; it’s an act of courage.

How to Seek Help or Support Others

If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide or severe depression, it’s essential to know that there is help available. You don’t have to face this alone.

Call a Suicide Prevention Hotline: In the U.S., the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available 24/7 at 988. You can also contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or chat online at suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
Text a Helpline: If talking feels too difficult, text “HELLO” to 741741 to connect with a trained crisis counsellor through the Crisis Text Line.
Reach Out to Someone You Trust: Sometimes, talking to a friend, family member, or trusted colleague can make a huge difference. If you notice signs of distress in someone else, don’t be afraid to ask how they’re doing and let them know you’re there to support them.
Seek Professional Help: Therapists, counsellors, and psychiatrists can provide the support and tools needed to manage feelings of depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts. Many communities have local mental health centres or services that offer sliding scale fees or insurance coverage.

To Anyone Who Feels This Way: You Are Not Alone

If you are struggling, please know that you are not alone. Some people care, who want to help, and who will listen without judgment. Your life is valuable and worthy of love and light, even on your darkest days.

“I am bent, but not broken. I am scarred, but not disfigured. I am sad, but not hopeless. I am tired, but not powerless. I am angry, but not bitter. I am depressed, but not giving up.” — Anonymous

Encourage Open Conversations

Let’s work together to break the silence around mental health. Start by having open, honest conversations within your circles—whether with friends, family, or colleagues. Share your stories, listen without judgment, and offer support. By doing so, we can contribute to a culture of understanding and compassion where everyone feels safe to speak up. The more we talk, the less alone we feel, and the more we heal.

Your voice matters, and your story could be the lifeline someone else needs. Your story is significant, and it deserves to be heard. Share it, and let it make a difference.

Let’s continue to speak up, share our stories, and support one another.

References:

National Institute of Mental Health. (2023). Suicide Statistics. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/suicide

World Health Organization. (2023). Suicide worldwide in 2023: Global Health Estimates. https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/suicide

If you or someone you know is in crisis, reach out to a mental health professional, call a suicide prevention hotline, or text a friend or family member. You don’t have to face this alone.

Until next time,
Abby

Finding Purpose in Being a Beacon of Light

I always felt inherently different, like a calling woven into my being. Surrendering my pain and anger to God brought me back to who I am—a loving person made to reflect His light. Despite hardships, I refuse to be changed for the worse. I choose to forgive and be a light in the world.

I have always felt that God created me differently. We all hold that belief about ourselves, sensing something unique and extraordinary within us. But for me, it’s always felt so much more profound, almost like a calling that’s woven into the fabric of my being. I can’t fully articulate what I mean. Still, those who truly know me understand that this feeling goes beyond mere individuality—it’s an intrinsic part of my soul, something that has shaped my entire existence.

Recently, a friend asked me a question that made me reflect deeply. I answered without hesitation because I’ve become clear about who I am and what I stand for.

I do not wish harm on those who have hurt me. If we spend our lives waiting for others to suffer as we have, we only trap ourselves in an endless cycle of bitterness and pain. I’m not saying that the initial feelings of hurt and betrayal aren’t real; they are intense and, at times, all-consuming. They make us vulnerable to the devil’s whispers, tempting us to hold onto anger and seek revenge. For a while, I was lost in that darkness. I allowed those feelings to cloud my heart and mind and pull me away from the person I knew God created me to be.

But then, I chose to surrender it all to God. I laid my pain, anger, and confusion at His feet, and in return, He welcomed me back home with open arms. He reminded me of who I am—a wholesome, loving person who was made to reflect His light, not to be consumed by the shadows of this world.

I struggled with why bad things happen to good people for a long time. It’s a natural question, especially when you’ve poured kindness, grace, and love into someone only to be met with betrayal or cruelty. It’s easy to feel disillusioned, to ask, “Why me?” But I’ve realised that life isn’t always so black and white. It doesn’t matter if you’re good or bad; doing good does not make you immune to the hardships of this world. We live in a world that is broken and sinful, a world where everyone, in some way or another, will feel the sting of wrongdoing or the touch of evil. Yet, despite this reality, I refuse to let the actions of others change me for the worse. I will continue to be who I am, who God made me to be.

I will not allow what I’ve been through to harden my heart or make me cynical. Instead, I choose to keep praying for those who have hurt me. This is no easy task—it requires immense strength and humility, but I believe it is the right path. Who am I to judge, after all? I am far from perfect, and as much as I wish to think otherwise, I know I have been the antagonist in someone else’s story. I have been the villain, the one who caused pain or misunderstanding. Maybe that’s true for all of us in some way. But there is freedom in letting go, choosing peace over resentment, finding comfort in God’s love rather than human approval.

The other night, I stumbled upon a video that felt like a mirror to my soul. It explained who I am at my core in a way that resonated deeply with me. I realised that I don’t often give myself enough credit for the person I’ve become. So today, I will, not out of arrogance or pride but out of a genuine understanding and acceptance of myself and my impact on others. I frequently pray to be a light in someone’s life, to let God’s light shine through me in every encounter. Everything I do is done without ulterior motives, driven purely by the desire to reflect His love. The sincerity and purity of my heart are not of my own making but a testament to God’s work within me.

I know that embracing this truth is not about being perfect; it’s about recognising the unique role God has given me and stepping into it with confidence and humility. It’s about understanding that my journey, with all its ups and downs, has a purpose beyond what I can see. I was made to be different, love deeply, forgive freely, and be a beacon of light in a world that often feels so dark. And for that, I am deeply grateful.

So, I invite you to reflect on your journey. Is there someone you need to forgive or a part of yourself to reclaim? How can you be a light in someone else’s life today? Share your thoughts or experiences in the comments—I’d love to hear how you’re navigating these challenges uniquely.

Until next time,
Abby

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8JkC4QF/

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There is no Growth in Comfortability

Comfort restricts growth, while discomfort drives adaptation and growth. Overcoming fear and resistance through persistence is key. Practical tips include starting small, setting challenging goals, embracing failure, and seeking support.

The phrase “There is no growth in comfortability” speaks to the idea that personal and professional development often requires stepping out of our comfort zones. In this context, comfortability represents a state where things are predictable, safe, and routine—where challenges are minimal and risks are few. While this state of comfort can be appealing, it can also lead to stagnation. Comfort is confining. Comfort breeds complacency. Conversely, growth is about pushing boundaries, embracing discomfort, and facing the unknown.

“Growth and comfort do not coexist.” – Ginni Rometty

The Nature of Growth: Stepping Beyond the Familiar

Growth requires moving beyond what is familiar and comfortable. The comfort zone is a psychological state where a person feels at ease, in control, and free from stress or anxiety. It’s where routines and habits dominate, and risks are minimized. While this zone provides security and predictability, it also limits growth. Our experiences, skills, and perspectives remain stagnant when we stay within this zone. Growth demands we step outside this safe space into the unknown, where challenges and new experiences await.

Growth is fundamentally about change, and change rarely happens when we do the same things in the same ways. When we venture beyond what is familiar, we encounter new situations that require us to adapt, learn, and develop new skills. This process of adaptation is where growth happens. It might be uncomfortable, but it’s also where we discover our true potential.

For example, consider someone used to working in a specific role and excels in it. While they may continue to perform well, their growth plateaus because they are not challenged. By taking on a new project, learning a new skill, or moving to a different role, they face new challenges that force them to think differently, solve problems creatively, and build resilience—confronting the unfamiliar drives personal and professional development.

Discomfort as a Catalyst for Success

Discomfort acts as a catalyst for growth. When we are uncomfortable, our instincts push us to adapt. This adaptation might involve learning new skills, altering our mindset, or finding new ways to cope with challenges. Discomfort forces us to confront our limitations and pushes us to surpass them. In this way, discomfort is not just a byproduct of growth; it’s a necessary component.

Think of it like physical exercise. When you start a new workout routine, your muscles ache, and you feel tired—this is discomfort. However, this discomfort leads to stronger muscles and better fitness. Similarly, in life, the pain we feel when trying something new or difficult is what strengthens our character and capabilities. It’s that feeling we get when challenged by people closest to us.

Overcoming Fear and Resistance: The Power of Persistence

Fear and resistance are natural human responses to change, uncertainty, and potential failure. Fear often arises when faced with the unknown or when we perceive a threat to our well-being, whether physical, emotional, or social. Resistance, on the other hand, is the internal force that pushes back against change. The voice in our head says, “Stay where you are; it’s safer here.”

Fear and resistance are powerful because they tap into our instinctual desire for survival and security. They keep us within our comfort zones, where we feel controlled and protected. However, these forces also prevent us from taking risks, trying new things, and growing.

Persistence is the quality that enables us to continue pursuing our goals despite fear and resistance. It is the steady, determined effort to overcome obstacles and keep moving forward, even when the path is difficult, or the outcome is uncertain. Persistence is crucial because it helps us break through the barriers that fear and resistance create.

When we persist in the face of fear, we gradually diminish its power over us. Each time we take a step forward, we build courage and resilience despite our fears. Over time, what once seemed terrifying becomes manageable, and eventually, it may even become a source of strength.

Persistence also helps us overcome resistance by reinforcing our commitment to our goals. Resistance often manifests as procrastination, self-doubt, or excuses. By persistently taking action, even in small ways, we chip away at this resistance, proving that we are capable of more than we initially believed.

Consider the story of Noah from the Bible, who God instructed to build an ark to save his family and a remnant of all living creatures from the impending flood. At the time, Noah faced ridicule and disbelief from those around him. There was no visible sign of the flood, and building such a massive vessel on dry land seemed absurd to others. Noah followed God’s instructions despite the lack of evidence and constant criticism. His persistence was not based on what was immediately visible or logical to the world but on faith and obedience.

Noah’s unwavering commitment and determination in the face of opposition illustrate the power of persistence. Noah continued to build the ark, trusting that his efforts would ultimately fulfil a greater purpose. Success and fulfilment often come not from talent or immediate results but from the determination to keep going, even when the path is challenging, and the rewards are not yet visible.

Practical Tips for Embracing Discomfort and Achieving Growth

1. Start Small-Begin by stepping out of your comfort zone in small ways. Whether public speaking or learning a new skill, start small to build confidence.

2. Set Challenging Goals-Setting challenging, slightly out-of-reach goals pushes you to grow. Break these goals into smaller, manageable tasks.

3. Embrace Failure- Reframe failure as a learning opportunity. Keep a journal to track lessons learned from each failure, turning setbacks into growth.

4. Surround Yourself with Support- Find mentors or peers who encourage growth and provide support during uncomfortable times.

“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” – Neale Donald Walsch

Reflect on Growth

Reflect on an area of your life where fear or resistance is holding you back. Consider how you can apply the power of persistence, whether it’s a personal goal, a challenging project, or a problematic relationship. Take a step today—no matter how small—toward overcoming those fears. Commit to pressing on, even when the journey gets tough, and trust that your persistence will lead to growth and success. Write down one action you can take this week to move beyond your comfort zone and start making progress toward your goals.

Every day is a new opportunity to improve our lives. Don’t shy away from discomfort; embrace it.

Until next time,
Abby