I didn’t need a party, a cake, or a crowd to feel celebrated this year. What I needed—what I gave myself—was space. Space to breathe, to wander, to listen to the rhythm of my own heart without interruption. From the quiet of Bowman’s Tower to the echoing songs of Ringing Rocks, every step of my solo birthday escape whispered, ‘You are becoming. And that is worth honouring.’
I never imagined I’d spend my birthday completely alone, not in the sad, lonely way, but in the free, expansive, soul-hugging way that only solitude can offer. This year, I gave myself a gift: time, quiet, and beauty. Just me, the golden leaves of early October, and a heart wide open.
Day 1: Stepping Into Stillness
I arrived in New Hope just after noon, the sleepy streets lined with changing leaves and cosy shops. My first stop was Bowman’s Hill Tower. The elevator was out of service, but I surprised myself by climbing all the stairs to the top. At the summit, I stood in awe. The view stretched endlessly. I felt the weight of my own growth. The kind you don’t always notice until you’re standing still, high above the chaos of everyday life. I stood there, breathless and smiling, soaking in a panoramic view that made the climb (and the year leading up to this moment) worth it.
Checking into my sweet Yardley Airbnb felt like entering a cosy novel. I let the quiet sink in. Later, I made my way to Continental Tavern for dinner, where the warm lighting and murmurs of conversation made me feel both unseen and safely held. That night, I toasted myself with a glass of wine, danced barefoot in my PJs, and whispered a quiet “thank you” for the journey so far.
Alone. At peace. Grateful.
Day 2: Birthday Joy in Motion
The morning light felt like a birthday blessing. I spent time with God, then got ready for the day. I wandered through New Hope again, this time with no rush. I had wine and light bites at Nektar Wine Bar.
Crossing into Lambertville, I let my feet guide me. No itinerary. No pressure. I window-shopped, smiled at strangers, and admired the canal’s stillness. As the sun dipped low, I returned to Yardley for dinner at Vault Brewing. Sitting there, hearing the laughter of nearby tables, I didn’t feel alone—I felt whole. This birthday wasn’t extravagant, but it was mine. Every second of it.
Day 3: Rocks That Ring and Quiet Retreats
I had breakfast at Pretty Bird Café, then took a leisurely stroll around the area. I visited Panna and picked up a few sweet treats for later. Then I drove through winding roads to Upper Black Eddy and checked into my next Airbnb, a peaceful spot nestled in nature’s quiet. It felt like a transition point. The drive there was filled with reflection. It was a shift from celebration to contemplation.
Later, I drove to Ringing Rocks Park and spent the afternoon walking among boulders that literally sing when struck. Nature has its poetry, and that day, it was loud and clear.
Dinner was takeout from The Narrows. I wrapped up the evening with a movie, warm socks, and snacks. My heart felt quiet and filled.
Day 4: Riding into My Next Chapter
My final morning began with the New Hope Railroad. I booked a first-class ride on the Lahaska line, complete with a mimosa and warm pretzel. Riding through the fall foliage felt symbolic, like I was quietly celebrating the journey I’d taken to get here. The train creaked along slowly, and I stared out the window, tears welling in my eyes, not from sadness, but from the depth of appreciation.
Before heading home, I stopped by Washington Crossing Historic Park to wander through the exhibits. As I made my way back home, it felt like I had gathered pieces of myself from every stop.
Closing Thoughts
There’s something powerful about choosing yourself. Something about intentionally creating space to reflect, celebrate, and reset. This solo birthday wasn’t extravagant. It was rich. Every sip of wine, every crunchy leaf underfoot, every silent moment under the sky felt like a love letter to the woman I’m becoming. This trip was more than a birthday celebration. It was a love letter to the parts of me that needed rest, recognition, and renewal. Each place I visited offered a mirror: the tower reminding me of my strength, the railroad inviting me to trust the journey, the ringing rocks reminding me that even the hard things can sing.
If you’ve never taken yourself on a solo trip, I highly recommend it. Even just a few days can change everything. You deserve to witness your own unfolding.
Question for You: Have you ever taken a solo birthday trip or retreat? What did it teach you about yourself? What would it look like to carve out space to celebrate you—on your terms?
With a grateful heart, Abby
View from Bowman’s TowerThe night before 30Nektar Wine BarLambertville,NJPretty Bird CoffeePannaLoved this AirBnb in Upper Black EddyRinging RocksCocktail menu on the Lahaska LimitedMimosaNew Hope RailroadWashington Crossing Pamphlet Pure blissNJ/PA BorderPeace
After stepping away from writing for a while, I found myself stirred by God to return and share what He’s been teaching me. This post is a reflection on faith, surrender, and the courage it takes to step into your calling. If you’ve ever struggled with self-doubt or felt unworthy of God’s blessings, this is for you. It’s a gentle but bold reminder: you are seen, you are chosen, and it’s your time to receive fully and unapologetically.
It has been quite some time since I last posted. I lost all the passion I had for writing, but I kept the page active in the hope that it would still reach and impact those who might come across it. Today, something stirred in my spirit, and I hopped back on to share a few insights. I hope they speak to your heart.
Saying “yes” to God requires dying to the flesh and surrendering your own desires, comforts, and even your fears. God knows exactly when and how to get our attention. And while the road hasn’t always been smooth, I can say with full confidence that I have no regrets. This has been the most beautiful and transformative journey I’ve ever walked.
This post is for the one who has dimmed their light so others can shine. For the one who feels more comfortable on the sidelines than in the spotlight. For the one who has accepted mediocrity because excellence felt too heavy. For the giver who forgets how to receive. For the one who’s afraid to step into all God has called them to be.
For a long time, I thought God had forgotten me. I thought my prayers were unanswered and that I would always be the one left with the short end of the stick. But, friend, that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Psalm 34:18 reminds us, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
And in Deuteronomy 31:8 and Hebrews 13:5, we are reminded that He will never leave us nor forsake us. In our highest highs and lowest lows, God is there.
So, what does this have to do with dimming our light?
When you never put yourself first, whether out of humility or fear, you begin to lose the boldness to receive when God declares it’s your turn. Years of timidity and self-shrinking conceal the very person God created you to be. And make no mistake, Satan thrives in our unawareness. The less we know about who we are and what we carry, the easier it is for him to distract and deter us.
A beautiful sister in Christ and fantastic mentor reminded me today: Be unapologetic about receiving what God has in store for you. Step boldly.
That moment awakened something in me.
As she spoke, I saw myself like a turtle, retreating into its shell. Turtles do this for protection from predators, as a defence mechanism, or to conserve energy, only sticking my head out to test the waters. But a turtle can’t get where it needs to go if it stays in the shell. That’s how I’ve approached God’s blessings: cautiously, with one foot in, one foot out. That ends today.
To whoever needs this: It’s your time. Receive it. Walk in it.
I’ll relay the words that were spoken over me today: Let the Lion of Judah rise within you. Forget the voices of the naysayers and fix your focus on the One who called you. Let Him free your mind from the guilt of wanting more for yourself. Let Him break the chains of mental strongholds and self-doubt.
“The enemy comes to steal and kill and destroy.” John 10:10
Don’t let him steal what’s already yours. Don’t let him convince you that blessings aren’t for you. Don’t let him win. You’ve fought too hard, prayed too long, cried too many tears. You carry oil that came at a cost. It’s yours and no one else’s.
So, I ask you: Will you squander the blessings when they come, or will you partner with the Holy Spirit and steward them well? The choice is yours. But I pray that today, something shifts inside you, just as it did in me. I pray that this message reaches those who need it most.
I pray it frees your mind, renews your boldness, and reminds you of this simple truth: You are called. You are chosen. And yes, you are ready.
When faced with challenges, quitting can seem appealing. Yet, perseverance is essential for achieving meaningful goals. Doubt and fear of failure often hinder progress; the key lies in developing habits that foster resilience. Embrace small steps, seek support, and remain patient, understanding that success requires time and effort. Keep moving forward.
Have you ever started something meaningful, only to find yourself ready to quit as soon as things got tough? The discomfort feels unbearable, the progress seems slow, and the voice in your head whispers, “Maybe this isn’t worth it.” It’s easy to retreat, to fall back into what’s comfortable, and to let doubt win. But what if I told you that those moments of struggle are where breakthroughs begin—and quitting is precisely what the enemy wants you to do?
In this post, we’ll explore why it’s so tempting to give up when the road gets hard, how to silence the lies of insecurity, and how building resilience through habits can help you keep moving forward, even when the journey feels overwhelming.
The Lies That Lead to Quitting
One of the enemy’s greatest tactics is filling our minds with lies—subtle whispers of doubt, insecurity, and fear that cloud our vision and make us question whether we’re capable. When you start working toward a God-given purpose, the devil doesn’t sit idly by. He doesn’t attack plans that aren’t significant; he focuses on those with meaning, those aligned with God’s will.
One of the enemy’s biggest lies is that “you’re not enough.” Insecurity blinds us to the victories we’ve already won. You might be making progress, taking steps forward, and achieving things you once prayed for—but insecurity makes it hard to see these wins. Instead, you focus on what’s left to accomplish, magnifying your flaws and mistakes. The enemy plants doubt to make you think you’re not succeeding when, in fact, you are. If you give in to these lies, you risk slipping back into the comfort zone where he wants you, mistaking temporary relief for true healing.
Remember this: failure is not defeat; quitting is. The enemy knows that if he can make you quit, he wins. But when you persevere, even in the face of failure, you’re stepping into God’s purpose for your life.
The Fear of Failure: A Bigger Obstacle Than Failure Itself
Have you ever noticed how the fear of failure is often worse than failure itself? The anticipation of what might go wrong keeps us paralyzed. We play out worst-case scenarios in our minds, convincing ourselves that the risk isn’t worth it. But here’s the thing: failure isn’t the end—it’s part of the process.
“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” -Thomas Edison
The fear of failure stops us from trying, robbing us of opportunities to grow and learn.
Proverbs 24:16 encourages us with this truth: “For though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again.” Falling isn’t the issue—it’s staying down that holds us back. What matters most is your willingness to get back up and keep going.
Are You Under Attack or Stuck in a Habit?
When things get tough, it’s easy to feel like you’re under attack. And sometimes, you might be. The enemy often targets areas of your life that are tied to your God-given purpose. But not every obstacle is an attack; some challenges are the result of habits we’ve developed over time.
Ask yourself:
Am I under attack, or am I stuck in a habit?: If you find yourself quitting every time things get hard, it might be a pattern, not a spiritual battle. Quitting becomes a habit when we let discomfort dictate our actions. The good news is that habits can be broken and replaced with healthier ones.
Am I constantly running when things get hard, or is this a rare instance?: It’s important to evaluate your response to challenges. If quitting is your go-to response, it’s time to create new habits that help you push through instead of giving up.
Building Habits That Cultivate Perseverance
If habits are what’s holding you back, the key to overcoming them is intentionality. Perseverance isn’t a trait you’re born with—it’s a skill you develop over time. Here are some steps to help you build habits that foster resilience:
1. Focus on the long-term reward. Good things take time, and nothing worth having comes easily. Shift your perspective from immediate discomfort to the long-term benefits of staying the course. Galatians 6:9 reminds us, “Let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Trust that your hard work will pay off in God’s perfect timing.
2. Replace negative self-talk with truth. When doubt creeps in, counter it with God’s promises. Write down affirming scriptures like Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,” and repeat them when you feel like giving up.
3. Take small, consistent steps. Big goals can feel overwhelming, but breaking them into smaller, manageable steps makes them achievable. Celebrate each small victory along the way as a reminder of your progress.
4. Surround yourself with support. Remember, you are not meant to do this alone. Community is essential when you’re striving for growth. Surround yourself with people who encourage you, pray for you, and hold you accountable when you feel like giving up. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 reminds us, “Two are better than one… If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.”
5. Pray for strength and discernment. When you feel weak, turn to God for the strength to keep going. Ask Him to help you discern whether your struggle is an attack or a habit and to guide you toward perseverance. James 1:5 promises that God gives wisdom generously to those who ask.
Time Will Tell: The Power of Patience
Success doesn’t happen overnight; healing, growth, or achieving a goal requires patience. It’s easy to feel discouraged when progress feels slow, but time will tell. Consistency and persistence over time reveal the fruit of your labour.
When you feel like quitting, remind yourself why you started. Is your goal aligned with a greater purpose? Is the discomfort you’re feeling now worth the reward that’s waiting on the other side? Trust the process, and know that every step forward—no matter how small—is progress.
Conclusion: Choosing to Persevere
Quitting might feel easy in the moment, but the cost of giving up is far greater than the discomfort of perseverance. The devil wants you to quit because he knows what’s on the other side of your persistence: victory, growth, and purpose. When you feel like giving up, remember that failure isn’t the end—quitting is.
Ask yourself:
Are you under attack, or are you stuck in a habit?
Are you letting fear hold you back, or are you willing to trust God and take the next step?
When the lies creep in, counter them with the truth. When insecurity tries to blind you to your victories, remind yourself how far you’ve come. The journey may be challenging, but good things take time, and something worth having comes with effort.
Reflection Questions:
Are there areas in your life where you’ve been tempted to quit because of discomfort or fear?
What habits might be holding you back from persevering through challenges?
How can you start building habits that encourage resilience and persistence?
Call to Action: This week, identify one area where you’ve been tempted to quit. Instead of giving up, take one small step forward and invite God into your journey. Share your thoughts or experiences in the comments—let’s encourage one another to keep moving forward!
Life’s storms can be chaotic or internal, often intended to redirect us toward God. The biblical story of Jonah exemplifies this, illustrating how resistance to divine purpose can lead to turmoil. By recognising and inviting God into our struggles, we can find healing and restoration instead of remaining trapped in discomfort or past trauma.
Life is filled with unexpected storms. Sometimes, they feel like pure chaos—an unexpected job loss, a broken relationship, an overwhelming season of doubt and confusion. Other times, the storms we face are quieter and more internal, like reliving old traumas or revisiting painful memories we thought we’d buried long ago. But what if these storms serve a deeper purpose? What if some storms were created to redirect us back to God?
Just as Jonah experienced in the Bible, certain storms can be a call to turn back to God and invite Him into the areas of our lives that we’ve tried to keep hidden or control on our own. However, it’s up to each of us to discern the nature of the storm we’re facing and decide whether we’re willing to invite God into the change He’s calling us toward.
The Story of Jonah: When the Storm is a Call to Turn Back
The story of Jonah offers a clear example of a storm designed to redirect. Jonah was a prophet called by God to go to Nineveh and deliver a message. But instead of following God’s call, Jonah ran in the opposite direction, boarding a ship to Tarshish to avoid his responsibilities. As Jonah fled, a mighty storm arose, terrifying the sailors on board. They quickly realized that the storm was no ordinary event—it was a divine intervention meant to stop Jonah and force him to confront his actions.
In Jonah 1:4-5, we read, “Then the Lord sent a great wind on the sea, and such a violent storm arose that the ship threatened to break up.” This storm wasn’t random; it was specifically sent to redirect Jonah back to God’s purpose for him. And while Jonah initially resisted, it wasn’t until he surrendered and accepted God’s call that the storm subsided, and his journey took him to Nineveh, where he fulfilled his purpose.
Sometimes, the storms we face in life are God’s way of calling us back. They disrupt our plans, challenge our comfort zones, and bring us face-to-face with the areas of our lives that we’ve been avoiding. These storms are not meant to harm us but to wake us up to the life and purpose God has designed for us.
“Don’t Get Accustomed to the Pig Pen”
I heard something the other day, and it stuck with me. “Don’t get accustomed to a pig pen when God has been calling you home for years.” This made me realise how important it is for us not to settle for less than what God has planned. In the story of the prodigal son, we see this vividly. The son had everything he could have needed in his father’s house but chose to leave, wasting his inheritance and ending up in a pig pen, feeding animals and struggling to survive. He became so accustomed to the dirt and poverty of his situation that he almost forgot there was a way back home.
But when he finally recognized his brokenness, he realized that even the servants in his father’s house were better off than he was. Only then, in humility, he turned back to his father, who welcomed him home with open arms. Luke 15:17-20 reminds us that the father was waiting, ready to restore his son despite everything.
How often do we settle into places of hardship, shame, or unhealed pain, allowing them to become our “normal”? We stay in the pig pen of unresolved trauma, lingering guilt, or a lack of purpose, forgetting that God is calling us back, ready to lead us into restoration. God has always been waiting and willing to bring us into His presence, but we need to be willing to get up, turn back to Him, and allow Him to do the work He wants to do in us.
Are You Inviting Change or Fighting It?
God is always working in our lives, seeking to mould us into the people He created us to be. But it’s all too easy to resist the changes He wants to make. Sometimes, we hold on tightly to our comfort zones, even if they’re places of pain or dysfunction, simply because they’re familiar. The question is, Are you inviting the changes God is actively doing, or are you fighting them?
Inviting God into these problematic areas of our lives means releasing control. It requires humility, a willingness to admit we don’t have all the answers, and a readiness to surrender to His will. On the other hand, fighting change keeps us stuck in cycles of pain, never moving forward and never allowing God to work entirely in us.
Reliving Trauma and Past Hurts
One of the biggest barriers to embracing God’s transformation is the trauma and pain we’ve buried rather than healed. We may tell ourselves that we’ve moved on and “brushed it under the rug,” but deep down, unresolved hurt continues to affect us. The unhealed wounds in our hearts can manifest in anger, fear, insecurity, or even unhealthy habits. I know this all too well. I also know how hard it can be to confront, but the reward and freedom waiting on the other side is worth facing those wounds.
God, however, doesn’t want us to carry these burdens alone. Psalm 147:3 reminds us, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” When we allow God into our past hurts, He can bring healing that goes beyond anything the world can offer. But to heal, we have to be willing to feel and confront the pain instead of numbing it or hiding from it.
If we never allow ourselves to process these traumas, they continue to resurface, and we may end up reliving them in different forms throughout our lives. God is ready to step into those painful memories to help us face and heal from them. But it’s up to us to invite Him in.
How to Discern the Storm You’re In
Not every storm we face is designed to bring us back to God; some are life’s trials and opportunities for growth rather than redirection. So, how do we discern the nature of the storm we’re in?
Pray for Wisdom: James 1:5 tells us, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” When you’re facing a storm, ask God to reveal its purpose. Is it a call to change direction or a trial meant to strengthen your faith?
Examine Your Heart: Take a close look at your life. Are there areas where you’ve been running from God? Are there sins or unhealed wounds that you’ve avoided dealing with? Sometimes, storms are a direct result of unresolved issues we need to face.
Seek Wise Counsel: Trusted friends, family, or spiritual mentors can often offer perspectives we might miss on our own. Reach out to those who can help you discern God’s work in your life.
Look for Patterns: If you repeatedly face the same challenges, it could be a sign that God is trying to get your attention. Please don’t ignore the pattern; consider whether it’s a call to change course.
Inviting God Into Every Part of Your Life
God is not just interested in the “easy” parts of your life; He wants to be invited into every corner, including the messy, complicated, and painful places. The areas you’re afraid to confront or the parts of yourself you wish you could forget—God wants to bring healing there, too.
When we open ourselves to God’s work, we allow Him to take what’s broken and make it whole. It’s about surrender, about saying, “Lord, I don’t want to keep running or hiding. I need You to work in this area.” And as difficult as it may be, this surrender is where true transformation begins.
Psalm 34:18 promises us that “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” God’s presence brings hope, healing, and restoration, but He waits for us to open the door and let Him in.
Conclusion: Choosing Restoration Over Comfort
In life, there are moments when we must decide between staying in our comfort zones and choosing to let God transform us. Some storms disrupt our lives to push us back into God’s arms, while others reveal the changes we need to make to grow. It’s up to us to discern the storm and decide whether we’ll invite God into the process or resist the transformation He’s offering.
Don’t get accustomed to the pig pen when God has been calling you home for years. Don’t let unresolved pain keep you stuck when God is ready to heal your wounds. Instead, allow every storm to drive you closer to Him, trusting that even the most painful seasons can lead to incredible growth and restoration.
Reflection Questions:
Are there any areas of your life where you’ve been running from God’s call to change?
What unhealed wounds or past traumas are you still carrying, and how can you begin to invite God into those spaces?
How can you begin discerning whether the storms in your life are for redirection or growth?
Call to Action:
Take time this week to pray and reflect on any “storms” you’re currently facing.
Ask God to show you if they’re meant to redirect you, to encourage growth, or to help you heal unresolved pain.
Invite Him into those areas and trust that He will work in ways that bring you closer to His love and purpose for your life.
In a world of quick fixes, fleeting comforts can be deceptive, masking deeper issues. True healing requires facing painful truths and aligning with God’s guidance instead of succumbing to superficial pleasure. Discernment is crucial in recognising God’s lasting blessings versus temporary distractions that hinder growth. Embrace the challenging journey toward transformation.
Have you ever wondered if the things that bring you comfort might actually be keeping you from peace? In moments of pain, it’s easy to reach for whatever brings quick relief—a distraction, a habit, or a relationship. But what if those comforts are really traps in disguise? When you believe the lies for so long, they become a comfort, and the truth becomes a threat. Sometimes, what feels like a “blessing” at the moment is actually sabotage, leading us away from genuine healing.
In this post, we’ll examine the difference between temporary fixes and real transformation, examining whether our choices are drawing us closer to God’s love or keeping us stuck in self-sabotage. Are you in a safe space, or are you sabotaging your own future? Let’s find out.
Bandaids on Bullet Holes: The Trap of Temporary Fixes
When we turn to fleeting pleasures—excessive drinking, drugs, impulsive relationships, or anything that compromises our integrity—we’re not finding relief; we’re numbing the pain temporarily. It’s like putting a bandaid on a bullet hole. Sure, it might dull the pain, but it doesn’t heal the wound. In fact, it often makes things worse by keeping us from the truth.
When you believe the lies for so long, they become a comfort, and the truth becomes a threat. We might start to feel like these temporary pleasures are all we have, but the truth—God’s truth—invites us to dig deeper. It challenges us to face the pain we’ve been hiding from. And here’s a reality check: You’re not healing if you’re not evolving and growing, and you can’t heal what you won’t feel.
John 10:10 warns us, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.” When we cling to what the world offers to soothe us, we’re often choosing sabotage over safety. It may feel comforting at first, but anything that keeps us from healing only sets us up for more heartache.
Safe Spaces vs. Sabotage: Are You Growing or Staying Stuck?
When life gets tough, we tend to seek comfort in the familiar, even if that familiarity isn’t good for us. We turn to old friends, familiar habits, or activities that make us feel safe, even if they aren’t aligned with God’s best for us. But are these things helping us grow or keeping us stuck?
Consider the people you’ve surrounded yourself with and the behaviours you’re engaging in. Are they pushing you to embody the fruits of the Spirit—gentleness, self-control, patience? Or are they pulling you toward the fruits of the flesh—anger, envy, selfishness? True healing, the kind that comes from God, doesn’t come wrapped in rainbows and instant relief. It’s a process often marked by what the Bible calls “long-suffering” or enduring patience, and it involves facing some hard truths about ourselves.
This process isn’t easy. Healing is messy; it requires patience and vulnerability. It’s looking in the mirror and seeing every habit and weakness staring back at you in bold letters. You can’t heal what you won’t feel, and often, God brings us face-to-face with our pain so we can work through it. Sure, it might feel safer to run, to numb, to avoid the reflection. But who said healing was easy?
The Pain of Healing: Looking in the Mirror
Real healing isn’t a magic spell; it’s more like peeling back layers, facing every flaw, every habit, and every scar. When we turn to God for healing, He shows us the ugliest parts of ourselves—not to shame us, but to transform us. By acknowledging these things, we invite God to turn our brokenness into something beautiful.
This requires bravery. It means choosing to face the truth over comforting lies. You’re not healing if you’re not evolving and growing—healing is a journey that requires active participation, and sometimes, that means sitting with the uncomfortable truths about ourselves. By inviting God to transform us, we allow ourselves to be freed from lies we’ve believed for too long, lies that kept us comfortable but stagnant.
Take a look at your life. Are you growing and evolving, or have you settled into patterns that bring temporary pleasure but no real healing? When God calls us to true healing, He asks us to examine our hearts closely and invite Him into our struggles. Psalm 139:23-24 is a powerful reminder of this: “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
Discerning True Blessings from Disguised Traps
Both God and the enemy offer “blessings”—one set disguised in shiny packaging, offering instant relief, and the other offering lasting peace and transformation. The devil is the father of lies, and he’s more than willing to dress up a trap as a gift. Are you willing to trade temporary pleasure for eternal transformation?
James 1:17 tells us, “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” God’s gifts may not always come wrapped in instant gratification, but they lead to a life of peace and fulfilment. The devil’s offerings, on the other hand, will pull us further from our true purpose and identity.
You may be tempted to stay where it’s comfortable, where the lies feel like truth. But remember, the truth of God’s love isn’t about making you comfortable—it’s about making you whole.
Are you willing to trade temporary pleasure for eternal transformation? The devil’s promises are short-lived and have long-term consequences. But God’s promises might require patience and perseverance, but they lead to life, joy, and peace that go beyond understanding.
Ask Yourself: Are You in a Safe Space, or Are You Sabotaging?
So, how do we know if we’re in a safe space or if we’re sabotaging our future? Here are a few questions to help guide your reflection:
Are your actions aligning with the fruits of the Spirit? Galatians 5:22-23 lists the qualities we should strive for: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Do your choices reflect these traits, or are they pulling you further from them? Are you neglecting your responsibilities and your core beliefs?
Are you turning to God or worldly distractions for comfort?: When life gets hard, it’s natural to want relief. But where are you seeking it? Are you turning to God in prayer, or are you numbing your pain with distractions that only provide temporary escape?
Are the people around you supporting your growth or enabling your struggles? Community plays a huge role in our healing journey. Surround yourself with people who challenge you to grow and encourage your walk with God. Be mindful of relationships that keep you stuck in unhealthy patterns. Remember, the people who want the best for you will tell it like it is. It’s up to you to be receptive to feedback. Support is different from enabling.
Are you open to the hard work of healing or running from it? Healing isn’t easy and often brings out parts of ourselves we’d rather not face. But the only way to heal is to go through it, not around it. Are you willing to do the hard work of looking in the mirror and asking God to transform you?
Embracing the Truth of Lasting Transformation
Choosing true healing can feel like an uphill battle in a world that promotes instant gratification. The devil’s lies may promise relief, but they come with chains that will ultimately weigh you down. On the other hand, true healing is a journey that leads to freedom, but it requires patience, trust, and willingness to let God work in the deepest parts of our souls.
So, don’t trade a lifetime of happiness for a moment of fleeting pleasure. Embrace the hard work of healing and allow God to guide you through it. When we open our hearts to Him, we invite His love, patience, and transformation to take root in our lives.
Reflection Questions:
Are there areas in your life where you’re relying on temporary pleasures rather than God’s promises?
Do the people and habits in your life help you grow, or do they hold you back?
How can you start embodying the fruits of the Spirit in your daily life, even when it’s hard?
Call to Action
Take a moment to reflect and pray. Ask God to reveal any areas of your life where you might be choosing sabotage over safety. Share your thoughts or experiences in the comments below—let’s support each other in choosing lasting transformation over temporary relief.
I highly encourage you to watch the linked video. Even before I finished watching it, the Holy Spirit began revealing what safety and sabotage might look like. Thoughts filled my mind, and I immediately had to start writing them down. When we allow the Spirit to move, it does—and everything I received before watching was confirmed in the video. That, my friends, is the undeniable power of God!
No one is coming to save you—and that’s where your power lies. True healing comes when you stop waiting for someone else to fix things and take full responsibility for your life. By stepping out of victimhood and into empowerment, you become the creator of your transformation.
When we experience pain, loss, or trauma, it’s easy to wait for someone else to step in and rescue us. We think, “If only someone would help me, then I could heal.” But here’s a harsh truth: no one is coming to save you. While that might sound daunting, it’s actually empowering. In continuing our journey from Healing Mindset: Transforming Trauma, we’re diving deeper into how we often fall into patterns of victimhood—and how taking full ownership of our healing is the only way to break free.
The Drama Triangle: A Trap That Keeps Us Stuck
One of the ways we get stuck is by falling into what’s called the Drama Triangle, a concept developed by Stephen Karpman. This triangle consists of three roles we often assume in times of distress:
The Drama Triangle
Victim: We feel powerless and blame others or our circumstances for our pain.
Rescuer/Hero: We try to save others or expect someone else to save us, which avoids personal responsibility.
Persecutor/Villain: We blame or criticize others for our suffering, creating a cycle of resentment and frustration.
Does this sound familiar? It’s easy to fall into these roles, but they keep us stuck in a loop of helplessness and blame. The Victim role feels particularly seductive when life gets hard. I know this firsthand—I used to wait for someone to come along and “fix” things for me. But that waiting never brought me closer to healing.
Take a moment to reflect: Have you ever found yourself in one of these roles? Maybe you’ve expected someone else to “rescue” you from your problems. How has that worked out? Often, the longer we stay in the Drama Triangle, the more frustrated we become.
Breaking Free: Stepping Into the Role of Creator
When we accept the truth that no one is coming to save us, we realize something powerful: we have the ability to save ourselves. This shift from being a Victim to becoming a Creator of our lives is where healing begins.
I remember a time in my life when I was stuck in the Victim role. After an injury altered my career path, I felt lost and hopeless, constantly waiting for someone or something to pull me out of the situation. But it wasn’t until I accepted that I was the only one who could change my story that I began to heal. By shifting my mindset, I found a new passion in healthcare administration, and my life became more prosperous because of that decision.
“Trauma victims cannot recover until they become familiar with and befriend the sensations in their bodies.”– Dr. Bessel van der Kolk.
Key Takeaways for Taking Responsibility
Ready to step out of the Drama Triangle and into a place of empowerment? Here are some practical steps to guide you along the way:
Recognize the patterns: Become aware of when you’re slipping into the roles of Victim, Rescuer, or Persecutor. Awareness is the first step toward breaking the cycle.
Shift your focus from problems to solutions: Instead of focusing on what’s wrong, ask yourself, “What can I do to change my situation?” A solution-based mindset empowers you to take action.
Accept that healing is your responsibility: No one can do your inner work. Once you acknowledge this, you reclaim control over your healing journey.
Set small, actionable goals: Start with simple steps, like journaling your emotions, seeking support from a therapist, or practising self-compassion. Progress happens in small, consistent actions.
Surround yourself with supportive people: While no one can save you, having a community that encourages and uplifts you is essential. Find people who support your growth, not those who keep you stuck.
Shifting Your Mindset: From Victim to Empowered Creator
Moving from Victim to Creator doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process that requires self-awareness and intentional action. But every step forward is a step toward freedom.
As Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor and psychologist, famously said, “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” This insight is a powerful reminder that even when our external circumstances feel out of control, we still hold the power to change how we respond.
Taking Ownership: The Path to Healing
When we stop waiting for someone to save us, we unlock the power to save ourselves. Healing doesn’t come from outside sources—it comes from within. Whether you’re healing from trauma, recovering from loss, or working through pain, the journey begins with your decision to take responsibility for your life.
Here are some additional expert insights to keep in mind:
Dr. Gabor Maté, an expert in trauma, teaches that healing requires us to confront and take responsibility for the emotions we’ve been avoiding. He says, “The essence of trauma is disconnection from ourselves.” Healing is reconnecting with our inner world and taking responsibility for how we move forward.
Brene Brown, in her research on vulnerability and courage, reminds us that “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it.” Taking responsibility for our healing means owning our story, no matter how difficult it might be.
How to Reclaim Your Power
To help guide you on this journey, here are some concrete steps you can start taking today:
Identify where you are in the Drama Triangle: Reflect on whether you’re playing the role of Victim, Rescuer, or Persecutor and how these roles might keep you stuck.
Shift from Victim to Creator: Begin to see yourself as the Creator of your own life. This shift can start with small actions—take responsibility for responding to challenges.
Create a plan for healing: Outline specific steps you can take to start healing. Whether seeking therapy, practising mindfulness, or confronting past emotions, make a plan and stick to it.
Surround yourself with positive influences: Seek out people who empower you rather than those who reinforce the roles of the Drama Triangle. Your environment can have a huge impact on your growth.
Celebrate progress, not perfection: Healing isn’t linear. There will be ups and downs, but every step forward is progress. Celebrate your wins, no matter how small.
Specific Resources for Healing and Empowerment
If you’re looking for additional support as you navigate your healing journey, here are some excellent resources:
The Body Keeps the Score by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk: This book offers a deep dive into understanding trauma and how it affects both the body and mind.
When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress by Dr. Gabor Maté: In this book, Maté explores the connection between trauma, stress, and physical health and offers tools for recovery.
Rising Strong by Brene Brown: Brown’s work on vulnerability and resilience provides powerful insights into owning our story and finding strength through struggle.
Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl: This classic book highlights the power of finding meaning and purpose even in the most challenging circumstances.
Healing Is a Choice by Stephen Arterburn: Arterburn offers practical steps for breaking free from the patterns that keep us from healing, emphasizing the power of personal responsibility.
You Are Your Own Hero
The reality that no one is coming to save you can feel overwhelming, but it’s also incredibly freeing. When you accept this truth, you reclaim your power to create your own life. Stepping out of the Drama Triangle and into the role of Creator is the key to your healing journey.
Now, I leave you with this: What’s one small step you can take today to move from Victim to Creator? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments—I’d love to hear how you’re reclaiming your power and stepping into your role as the hero of your own story.
Life often surprises us with challenges like breakups and loss, reminding us that our reactions matter most while we can’t control events. Healing is a personal responsibility that requires shifting mindsets and taking ownership of our journey. Trusting in God’s process can lead to restoration and growth, making every step towards healing significant.
Life has a way of surprising us. Just when we think we have everything under control, something happens—a breakup, a loss, a painful experience—that leaves us feeling unsteady. While we can’t control these events, how we respond makes all the difference. “10% of our lives are things that happen to us, and 90% is how we react” is a powerful reminder that we are responsible for our healing and growth.
Healing is Our Responsibility
It’s natural to want to point fingers when life throws us curveballs. I remember a time when I felt deeply hurt by someone I trusted, and for a while, I believed that if they had acted differently, I wouldn’t feel so broken. But eventually, I realized that while they may have caused the initial pain, I was responsible for what happened next.
Blaming others keeps us trapped in a cycle of hurt. When we fixate on what happened to us, we give away our power to heal. Healing, after all, is a personal journey. As much as we’d love for others to fix things for us, the truth is, it’s up to us to move forward.
This is where faith plays a pivotal role. In 1 Peter 5:6-10, we are called to “humble ourselves under God’s mighty hand,” so that in due time, He may lift us. This isn’t about pretending the hurt isn’t there—it’s about acknowledging that while we can’t control everything, God can. It’s about trusting in His timing for our healing. When we humbly place our struggles in His hands, we release the weight of what we cannot change and allow Him to guide us through restoration.
Taking Ownership: Moving Forward Instead of Blaming
The beginning of this season of my life was rough! I had a choice: I could wallow in disappointment or find a new way forward. While the initial pain and hurt weren’t something I could control, my response to it was. Instead of feeling defeated, I chose to develop a deeper relationship with God and pursue other interests, and that decision has brought more fulfilment than I ever imagined.
This experience taught me that clinging to old ways, especially when they don’t yield results, can prevent us from seeing new opportunities. When our current approach to healing—whether it’s avoidance, denial, or resentment—doesn’t work, it’s time to take a new direction.
1 Peter 5:6-10 comes into play here again, reassuring that when we humble ourselves and trust in God’s process, we will eventually be lifted. This idea of “lifting up” isn’t just about relief from pain but about rising to new heights—places we couldn’t have imagined if we stayed stuck in our hurt. The path to healing may require a shift in direction, but that change can lead to greater purpose and growth.
The Power of Perspective: Shifting Negative Mindsets
Have you ever walked into a situation expecting the worst, only to find that things turned out exactly how you imagined? That’s the power of mindset. When we think negatively, we limit our opportunities for growth and healing.
I’ve seen this in my own life. During particularly tough times, I would convince myself that nothing good could come out of the situation. That mindset didn’t just limit my growth—it stopped it altogether. It wasn’t until I shifted my perspective, choosing to see setbacks as opportunities for learning and growth, that I began to heal.
In the same way, we can approach trauma and pain with a mindset of defeat or with a mindset of resilience. The Bible reminds us that “after you have suffered a little while, God will restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you” (1 Peter 5:10). This verse holds a vital key to perspective—yes, suffering is part of the journey, but it is not the end. There is a promise of restoration if we are willing to trust in the process, and that promise can be our motivation to keep moving forward.
From Trauma to Triumph: Healing is a Choice
Trauma is not something we choose, but how we move forward from it is. According to Trauma is Not Your Fault, trauma often happens through no fault of our own. However, while trauma itself is beyond our control, healing from it is a conscious decision we must make.
I remember talking with someone who had experienced significant trauma in their life. They were angry, hurt, and, for a while, stuck in the belief that nothing would ever change. They believed their trauma defined them, and as a result, their life remained in a cycle of pain. But once they chose to seek help and shift their perspective, their healing journey began. It wasn’t instant, but they reclaimed their life by taking responsibility for their healing.
This process echoes the idea that while trauma is an unavoidable chapter in our lives, it doesn’t have to be the entire story. Healing is not easy—it often requires therapy, support from others, and deep self-reflection. But as we work through it, we begin to rebuild our lives, with trauma becoming a part of our past, not our future.
Action Steps: Embracing Change and Growth
So, how can we begin the process of healing and growth? Here are a few practical steps to help guide the journey:
Take ownership of your healing-Reflect on how you might be holding yourself back. Is there a part of you still waiting for someone else to make things right? Consider journaling about what healing looks like for you, and list a few small actions you can take to reclaim control of your life.
Change your mindset– Identify negative thoughts that may keep you stuck. One way to do this is through a simple exercise: replace every negative thought that enters your mind with a positive truth. For example, instead of thinking, “This situation is hopeless,” remind yourself, “There is always potential for growth, even in difficult circumstances.”
Seek guidance– Healing is not a journey you have to walk alone. Whether through prayer, counselling, or a trusted friend, having someone to talk to can make a difference. Speaking with a mentor helped me see my struggles in a new light, often pointing out strengths I didn’t realize I had.
Embrace discomfort– Growth rarely happens in comfort zones. Sometimes, the most remarkable healing comes when we allow ourselves to sit with uncomfortable emotions and trust that they are part of the process. Consider trying new activities like mindfulness meditation or taking up a physical exercise that challenges you—it’s a great way to build resilience and strengthen both body and mind.
Celebrate small wins– Healing is a journey; every step forward deserves recognition. Make a habit of acknowledging small victories, whether it’s a breakthrough in therapy, a shift in mindset, or simply a day where you feel lighter. These wins remind you that progress is possible, even when the road is long.
You Hold the Key to Your Healing
Life will always present us with challenges, but our true power lies in how we react. Healing doesn’t happen overnight, but every step we take toward taking ownership of our lives brings us closer to wholeness.
What’s your next step in healing? What’s one thing you can do today to reclaim control over your story? I invite you to share your experiences or insights in the comments—whether you’re just beginning your healing journey or are further along, your story might inspire someone else to take that next step toward wholeness.
“Owning our story can be hard, but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it.” -Brene Brown
Comfort restricts growth, while discomfort drives adaptation and growth. Overcoming fear and resistance through persistence is key. Practical tips include starting small, setting challenging goals, embracing failure, and seeking support.
The phrase “There is no growth in comfortability” speaks to the idea that personal and professional development often requires stepping out of our comfort zones. In this context, comfortability represents a state where things are predictable, safe, and routine—where challenges are minimal and risks are few. While this state of comfort can be appealing, it can also lead to stagnation. Comfort is confining. Comfort breeds complacency. Conversely, growth is about pushing boundaries, embracing discomfort, and facing the unknown.
“Growth and comfort do not coexist.” – Ginni Rometty
The Nature of Growth: Stepping Beyond the Familiar
Growth requires moving beyond what is familiar and comfortable. The comfort zone is a psychological state where a person feels at ease, in control, and free from stress or anxiety. It’s where routines and habits dominate, and risks are minimized. While this zone provides security and predictability, it also limits growth. Our experiences, skills, and perspectives remain stagnant when we stay within this zone. Growth demands we step outside this safe space into the unknown, where challenges and new experiences await.
Growth is fundamentally about change, and change rarely happens when we do the same things in the same ways. When we venture beyond what is familiar, we encounter new situations that require us to adapt, learn, and develop new skills. This process of adaptation is where growth happens. It might be uncomfortable, but it’s also where we discover our true potential.
For example, consider someone used to working in a specific role and excels in it. While they may continue to perform well, their growth plateaus because they are not challenged. By taking on a new project, learning a new skill, or moving to a different role, they face new challenges that force them to think differently, solve problems creatively, and build resilience—confronting the unfamiliar drives personal and professional development.
Discomfort as a Catalyst for Success
Discomfort acts as a catalyst for growth. When we are uncomfortable, our instincts push us to adapt. This adaptation might involve learning new skills, altering our mindset, or finding new ways to cope with challenges. Discomfort forces us to confront our limitations and pushes us to surpass them. In this way, discomfort is not just a byproduct of growth; it’s a necessary component.
Think of it like physical exercise. When you start a new workout routine, your muscles ache, and you feel tired—this is discomfort. However, this discomfort leads to stronger muscles and better fitness. Similarly, in life, the pain we feel when trying something new or difficult is what strengthens our character and capabilities. It’s that feeling we get when challenged by people closest to us.
Overcoming Fear and Resistance: The Power of Persistence
Fear and resistance are natural human responses to change, uncertainty, and potential failure. Fear often arises when faced with the unknown or when we perceive a threat to our well-being, whether physical, emotional, or social. Resistance, on the other hand, is the internal force that pushes back against change. The voice in our head says, “Stay where you are; it’s safer here.”
Fear and resistance are powerful because they tap into our instinctual desire for survival and security. They keep us within our comfort zones, where we feel controlled and protected. However, these forces also prevent us from taking risks, trying new things, and growing.
Persistence is the quality that enables us to continue pursuing our goals despite fear and resistance. It is the steady, determined effort to overcome obstacles and keep moving forward, even when the path is difficult, or the outcome is uncertain. Persistence is crucial because it helps us break through the barriers that fear and resistance create.
When we persist in the face of fear, we gradually diminish its power over us. Each time we take a step forward, we build courage and resilience despite our fears. Over time, what once seemed terrifying becomes manageable, and eventually, it may even become a source of strength.
Persistence also helps us overcome resistance by reinforcing our commitment to our goals. Resistance often manifests as procrastination, self-doubt, or excuses. By persistently taking action, even in small ways, we chip away at this resistance, proving that we are capable of more than we initially believed.
Consider the story of Noah from the Bible, who God instructed to build an ark to save his family and a remnant of all living creatures from the impending flood. At the time, Noah faced ridicule and disbelief from those around him. There was no visible sign of the flood, and building such a massive vessel on dry land seemed absurd to others. Noah followed God’s instructions despite the lack of evidence and constant criticism. His persistence was not based on what was immediately visible or logical to the world but on faith and obedience.
Noah’s unwavering commitment and determination in the face of opposition illustrate the power of persistence. Noah continued to build the ark, trusting that his efforts would ultimately fulfil a greater purpose. Success and fulfilment often come not from talent or immediate results but from the determination to keep going, even when the path is challenging, and the rewards are not yet visible.
Practical Tips for Embracing Discomfort and Achieving Growth
1. Start Small-Begin by stepping out of your comfort zone in small ways. Whether public speaking or learning a new skill, start small to build confidence.
2. Set Challenging Goals-Setting challenging, slightly out-of-reach goals pushes you to grow. Break these goals into smaller, manageable tasks.
3. Embrace Failure- Reframe failure as a learning opportunity. Keep a journal to track lessons learned from each failure, turning setbacks into growth.
4. Surround Yourself with Support- Find mentors or peers who encourage growth and provide support during uncomfortable times.
“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” – Neale Donald Walsch
Reflect on Growth
Reflect on an area of your life where fear or resistance is holding you back. Consider how you can apply the power of persistence, whether it’s a personal goal, a challenging project, or a problematic relationship. Take a step today—no matter how small—toward overcoming those fears. Commit to pressing on, even when the journey gets tough, and trust that your persistence will lead to growth and success. Write down one action you can take this week to move beyond your comfort zone and start making progress toward your goals.
Every day is a new opportunity to improve our lives. Don’t shy away from discomfort; embrace it.
Taking accountability can be challenging. Embracing humility, seeking constructive feedback, and encouraging others to do the same is vital for personal growth. It’s about admitting mistakes, actively working towards improvement, and creating a culture of trust and respect. Surround yourself with those who challenge you, practice humility, and remember that it’s an opportunity for growth.
Taking accountability can be a challenging feat for many people. Let’s face it: admitting fault can be complicated. I was once like that. If you know me, you’ll see that I am the type of person who will tell you when you’ve done something wrong. I despise injustice, power trips, and unfairness. To know me is to know that I will go on a rampage to speak up when I see any of these things occurring. Some may call me rude, rebellious, aggressive, or anything they can think of when I refuse to accept the wrong things.
I was listening to the podcast “Keep it Positive, Sweetie” when one episode had me shouting, “Yes! Yes! This is it! Amen!” I will never forget that day. I was driving back home from Maryland and was in Delaware at this point when one particular sentence resonated deeply: “In the absence of love, truth is condemnation, but when we add love to truth, it’s conviction.” The reason for my reaction was that I was going through a situation where someone refused to admit their fault or take accountability. For the life of me, they could not truly receive what I was saying. It was a losing battle, and I felt so defeated.
When we challenge people we love, it is not an attack against them. However, if that person is not receptive to feedback, it will feel like an attack. People who love you will never want to see you fail. They will call you out on your wrongdoings. On the other hand, when you surround yourself with yes men, they will never tell you when you are wrong but rather encourage your wrongdoing.
Overcoming Pride and Embracing Humility
Something about an ego stroke makes us feel powerful and invincible. However, I am here to tell you that pride will be your biggest downfall. The Lord tells us in Proverbs 16:18, “Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” Be open to correction. Surround yourself with not only like-minded people but also people who will challenge you to be your best. People who want to see you grow and become your best self.
Creating a Culture of Trust and Respect
We will remain stuck if we spend our lives around people who only tell us what we want to hear. Life is about growth. It’s about learning from each other and evolving to move forward. Embracing accountability and seeking constructive feedback are crucial steps in our personal development. It’s essential to recognize that those who challenge us and hold us accountable do so out of love and a desire to see us succeed. So, let’s commit to humility, openness, and continuous improvement, knowing that genuine growth comes from facing our faults and striving to improve.
Encouraging Others to Embrace Accountability
In my journey, I’ve realised that admitting mistakes and taking responsibility are powerful acts of courage. Owning up to our faults and actively working towards bettering ourselves shows strength of character. This process is not easy and often requires deep self-reflection and a willingness to change, but the rewards are immense. Not only do we become better individuals, but we also build stronger, more honest relationships with those around us.
It’s also important to remember that taking accountability doesn’t mean being overly critical of ourselves. It’s about balancing recognizing our imperfections and celebrating our efforts to improve. It involves forgiving ourselves for past mistakes and committing to continuous learning and development.
The Power of Accountability
So, the next time you find yourself in a situation where you need to take accountability, remember that it’s an opportunity for growth. Embrace it with an open heart and mind. Seek feedback from those who care about you and use it as a tool to become a better version of yourself. Surround yourself with people who challenge you constructively and help you see things from different perspectives. And most importantly, practice humility and gratitude for the lessons learned along the way.
In conclusion, taking accountability is a transformative practice that requires courage, humility, and a commitment to growth. It’s about more than admitting fault; it’s about learning, evolving, and becoming the best version of ourselves. Let’s strive to create a culture of accountability in our lives and communities, where we support each other in our journeys of self-improvement and celebrate our collective progress.
Share Your Experiences
I would love to hear from you! Have you ever faced a challenging situation where you had to take accountability? How did you handle it, and what did you learn from the experience? Share your stories and insights in the comments below. Together, we can learn from each other and continue to grow.
Authentically Abby 