Faith – Page 2 – Authentically Abby

Why Coping Alone Doesn’t Work: The Need for Support in Healing

When life gets overwhelming, we often rely on familiar coping mechanisms to shield us from pain, but not all of them lead to healing. We aren’t meant to fight our battles alone. True healing begins when we set aside pride, reach out for support, and intentionally face our struggles.

We all have coping mechanisms that we turn to when life gets overwhelming—some healthy, like prayer or exercise, and others not so much, like isolating ourselves or numbing the pain with distractions. When things aren’t going how we want, we gravitate toward what’s familiar because it feels safe and comfortable. But here’s the hard truth: what feels familiar isn’t always best for us. While we might believe we can handle things alone, the reality is that no one is meant to walk through struggles by themselves.

Why We Turn to Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms

When we face pain or disappointment, our first instinct is often to protect ourselves. Maybe it’s turning on autopilot and staying busy to avoid thinking about what’s hurting us. Perhaps it’s shutting people out because we don’t want to feel vulnerable. We lean on these habits because they’re comfortable. They’re our defence mechanisms against feeling weak or out of control.

But succumbing to these habits can be dangerous. We end up numbing our emotions, pushing away people who want to help, and shutting off parts of ourselves that need to be heard and healed. Over time, what started as a way to cope becomes a destructive pattern that can wreak havoc on our lives.

The Danger of Isolation: Why We Can’t Do It Alone

There’s a common misconception that we can handle everything on our own, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. The Bible clearly shows us that we are not meant to be alone. In Genesis 2:18, God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” This statement goes beyond the context of marriage—it’s a foundational truth about human nature. We were created for connection, for community, for support.

When we try to fight our “demons” alone, we set ourselves up for failure. It’s like trying to lift a heavy weight without a spotter—it’s only a matter of time before we buckle under the pressure. This is why isolation is so dangerous. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 reminds us, “Two are better than one… If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” We weren’t designed to carry our burdens alone, and pride often stands in the way of us reaching out for help.

Pride: The Barrier to Healing

Pride keeps us from accepting help from others and traps our pain deep within.

Have you ever found yourself saying, “I don’t need anyone’s help”? I have. During tough seasons, I would put on a brave face, insisting I could handle everything. But all that did was bury my pain deeper and isolate me from people who could have helped me heal.

Pride tells us that needing support is a weakness. LIES! Reaching out for help is an act of courage, not weakness. When we allow pride to keep us from asking for support, we prolong our suffering and prevent ourselves from experiencing the healing that comes through connection.

Suppression Leads to Survival Mode

When we refuse to face our pain, we end up suppressing it—burying it deep and pretending it’s not there. But suppressed emotions don’t go away. They simmer under the surface and show up in unexpected ways, often when we least expect them. Maybe it’s snapping at a friend over something trivial or feeling overwhelmed by simple tasks. This happens when we live in “survival mode”—we’re constantly on edge, bracing for the next emotional hit because deep down, we know we haven’t dealt with what’s really happening.

Over time, suppression can lead to burnout, anxiety, and even physical symptoms. We become experts at functioning on the outside, but we’re falling apart on the inside. Psalm 34:18 reminds us, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” God doesn’t want us to suppress our pain. He invites us to bring it to Him, to let Him carry our burdens, and to lean on others who can support us.

When Unresolved Pain Spreads: Healing is Contagious, but So Is Hurt

If we don’t deal with our pain, it doesn’t just go away. It spreads into other areas of our lives. Have you ever noticed how an unresolved issue at work can affect your mood at home? Or how a difficult family relationship make you irritable and defensive in other friendships? This is because pain that isn’t addressed becomes contagious. It leaks out into our relationships, our work, and our health.

“Time heals all wounds” is a popular saying, but it’s a myth. Time alone doesn’t heal anything—intentionality does. We can’t just sit back and hope that our pain will eventually fade away. We have to be active participants in our healing. That means facing our emotions head-on and doing the hard work of processing them with the help of others.

Steps to Move Out of Isolation and into Healing

So, how do we break the cycle of isolation and face our pain with courage? Here are some practical steps to get started:

Acknowledge your need for support: Admit that you can’t do this alone. This isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a step toward healing. Take a moment to pray, asking God to guide you toward people who can support you this season.
Reach out and connect: Take the first step to connect, whether it’s a friend, family member, counsellor, or support group. Ecclesiastes 4:12 reminds us, “A cord of three strands is not easily broken.” When we invite others into our healing, we become stronger.
Be honest about your struggles: Vulnerability is hard but necessary. Share what you’re going through honestly, without fear of judgment. Sometimes, simply speaking our pain out loud is the first step toward freedom.
Identify your unhealthy coping mechanisms: Take note of the habits you turn to when you’re stressed or hurting. Are you isolating, numbing, or suppressing? Recognize these patterns and ask yourself, “What am I trying to avoid?”
Replace harmful coping mechanisms with healthy ones: Find healthier ways to process your emotions through journaling, prayer, exercise, or speaking with a trusted friend or therapist. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Let others support and guide you.

Conclusion: We Heal in Community

None of us will ever fully heal until we realize we need support. God created us for connection, community, and relationships that build us up when we struggle. We can’t keep numbing and running from our pain because, at some point, it will catch up. Healing requires facing what we’re going through head-on, and it takes intentionality on our part.

So, if you’re struggling, remember: You don’t have to fight alone. God is with you, and there are people who want to support you. Healing is not a solo journey. It’s a process we walk through together, step by step, day by day.

Reflection Questions:

What unhealthy coping mechanisms do you turn to when you’re stressed or hurting?
Who in your life can you reach out to for support today?
How has pride kept you from seeking help in the past, and how can you overcome it moving forward?

Take the First Step

If you’ve been struggling alone, I encourage you to take that first step today. Reach out to someone you trust. Ask for prayer, share your story, or even just let them know you’re struggling. Don’t let pride keep you isolated—healing happens in community. Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. Let’s support one another in the journey toward wholeness.

By leaning into community and trusting God’s guidance, we can break free from isolation and step into the fullness of healing He has for us.

Until next time,
Abby

Make Prayer Your Daily Steering Wheel

I recently went to see The Forge and boy, was it good! The movie hit home for me in many ways, especially because it touched on much of what I’ve written about here on the blog. But there was one line that really stood out and lingered with me long after the credits rolled.

One of the characters said:

“We can’t treat prayer like some spare tire that you only pull out in an emergency. No. Prayer has to be more like the steering wheel that you hold tightly every day no matter where you’re going.”

What a powerful metaphor, right? It got me thinking about how often we’re all guilty of this—only turning to God when things go wrong when we’re desperate for a way out. But how different would our lives look if we held onto prayer like a steering wheel—something we rely on daily to guide us through every situation?

Prayer: Not a Last Resort, but a Daily Guide

We’ve all been there. A crisis hits—financial trouble, a relationship breakdown, or perhaps a health scare—and we’re praying fervently, asking God for help. In those moments of desperation, we treat prayer like a lifeline, an SOS call to heaven. And, of course, God hears us. But what happens when the storm passes? Do we keep praying? Often, we don’t.

This is where the metaphor of the steering wheel comes in. Prayer isn’t just for the tough times—it’s meant to guide us daily through calm and stormy weather. Think about how a steering wheel operates. You don’t just grab it when you’re headed for a crash; you hold it tightly the entire journey, constantly adjusting your course, even if the road seems straight. Prayer should be the same. It should guide our decisions, help us navigate life’s challenges, and even keep us grounded when everything seems to go our way.

A Personal Journey: Learning to Pray Daily

Let me share a bit of my own story here. There was a time when I only prayed during difficult moments. If things were going smoothly, I would get caught up in the busyness of life and forget to thank God for all the good in my world. It wasn’t intentional, but looking back, it’s clear that I treated prayer like that spare tyre—something I pulled out when the wheels were falling off, but not something I relied on daily.

Everything changed during a particularly challenging season. I was facing a lot of uncertainty—transitioning out of the Army, trying to figure out the next steps in my career, and dealing with personal struggles all at once. It felt like everything was unravelling, and I prayed more than I ever had. But this time, something clicked. Instead of just using prayer to ask for help, I began using it to stay connected to God.

I started praying not just for solutions but also for guidance, clarity, and even the strength to face whatever was ahead. Over time, I noticed a shift in how I approached life’s challenges. I wasn’t just waiting for things to get tough to turn to God; I was walking with Him through every step. Prayer has become my steering wheel, and life has been beautiful since, despite the challenges.

Biblical Examples: Consistency in Prayer

The Bible is filled with examples of people who used prayer as their guiding force, not just in moments of crisis but throughout their daily lives. One of the most powerful examples comes from Daniel. He prayed consistently, even when it put his life in danger. Daniel didn’t just pray when he was about to be thrown into the lion’s den—he prayed three times a day, every day (Daniel 6:10). His relationship with God wasn’t just about asking for deliverance in an emergency; it was about maintaining that connection day in and day out.

Another great example is Jesus Himself. Despite the demands of His ministry, He regularly withdrew to quiet places to pray (Luke 5:16). Even though He was the Son of God, Jesus demonstrated the importance of consistent communication with the Father. If He needed that daily connection, how much more do we?

Practical Tips: Making Prayer Your Steering Wheel

So, how do we move from treating prayer as an emergency response to making it our steering wheel? Here are a few practical tips that have helped me:

Set Aside Daily Time: Consistency is key. Carve out time to pray every day, whether first thing in the morning, during your lunch break, or right before bed. It doesn’t have to be a long or complicated prayer. The important thing is to make it a habit.
Be Honest and Authentic: Sometimes, we don’t need the “perfect” words when praying. But God wants us to be real with Him. Whether you’re feeling joyful, anxious, or frustrated, bring those feelings to Him in prayer.
Pray for Guidance, Not Just Solutions: It’s easy to pray when we need something, but shift your focus toward asking for guidance and wisdom. This way, you invite God to walk you through every decision, not just when you need a way out.
Gratitude is a Form of Prayer: Don’t forget to acknowledge God when things are going well. Thank Him for the little and big things in your life. Gratitude keeps us humble and reminds us that every good thing comes from Him (James 1:17).

Final Thoughts: Keep Holding On

It’s easy to let prayer slip into the background when life is going smoothly, but the truth is, we need it just as much during the calm as we do during the storm. Think of prayer as your steering wheel, something you hold onto no matter where life takes you. When you make that shift, you’ll find yourself more grounded, connected, and prepared for whatever comes your way.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this! Have you ever found yourself treating prayer like a spare tyre? How do you stay consistent in your prayer life? Let’s discuss this in the comments below.

Until next time,
Abby

Finding Purpose in Being a Beacon of Light

I always felt inherently different, like a calling woven into my being. Surrendering my pain and anger to God brought me back to who I am—a loving person made to reflect His light. Despite hardships, I refuse to be changed for the worse. I choose to forgive and be a light in the world.

I have always felt that God created me differently. We all hold that belief about ourselves, sensing something unique and extraordinary within us. But for me, it’s always felt so much more profound, almost like a calling that’s woven into the fabric of my being. I can’t fully articulate what I mean. Still, those who truly know me understand that this feeling goes beyond mere individuality—it’s an intrinsic part of my soul, something that has shaped my entire existence.

Recently, a friend asked me a question that made me reflect deeply. I answered without hesitation because I’ve become clear about who I am and what I stand for.

I do not wish harm on those who have hurt me. If we spend our lives waiting for others to suffer as we have, we only trap ourselves in an endless cycle of bitterness and pain. I’m not saying that the initial feelings of hurt and betrayal aren’t real; they are intense and, at times, all-consuming. They make us vulnerable to the devil’s whispers, tempting us to hold onto anger and seek revenge. For a while, I was lost in that darkness. I allowed those feelings to cloud my heart and mind and pull me away from the person I knew God created me to be.

But then, I chose to surrender it all to God. I laid my pain, anger, and confusion at His feet, and in return, He welcomed me back home with open arms. He reminded me of who I am—a wholesome, loving person who was made to reflect His light, not to be consumed by the shadows of this world.

I struggled with why bad things happen to good people for a long time. It’s a natural question, especially when you’ve poured kindness, grace, and love into someone only to be met with betrayal or cruelty. It’s easy to feel disillusioned, to ask, “Why me?” But I’ve realised that life isn’t always so black and white. It doesn’t matter if you’re good or bad; doing good does not make you immune to the hardships of this world. We live in a world that is broken and sinful, a world where everyone, in some way or another, will feel the sting of wrongdoing or the touch of evil. Yet, despite this reality, I refuse to let the actions of others change me for the worse. I will continue to be who I am, who God made me to be.

I will not allow what I’ve been through to harden my heart or make me cynical. Instead, I choose to keep praying for those who have hurt me. This is no easy task—it requires immense strength and humility, but I believe it is the right path. Who am I to judge, after all? I am far from perfect, and as much as I wish to think otherwise, I know I have been the antagonist in someone else’s story. I have been the villain, the one who caused pain or misunderstanding. Maybe that’s true for all of us in some way. But there is freedom in letting go, choosing peace over resentment, finding comfort in God’s love rather than human approval.

The other night, I stumbled upon a video that felt like a mirror to my soul. It explained who I am at my core in a way that resonated deeply with me. I realised that I don’t often give myself enough credit for the person I’ve become. So today, I will, not out of arrogance or pride but out of a genuine understanding and acceptance of myself and my impact on others. I frequently pray to be a light in someone’s life, to let God’s light shine through me in every encounter. Everything I do is done without ulterior motives, driven purely by the desire to reflect His love. The sincerity and purity of my heart are not of my own making but a testament to God’s work within me.

I know that embracing this truth is not about being perfect; it’s about recognising the unique role God has given me and stepping into it with confidence and humility. It’s about understanding that my journey, with all its ups and downs, has a purpose beyond what I can see. I was made to be different, love deeply, forgive freely, and be a beacon of light in a world that often feels so dark. And for that, I am deeply grateful.

So, I invite you to reflect on your journey. Is there someone you need to forgive or a part of yourself to reclaim? How can you be a light in someone else’s life today? Share your thoughts or experiences in the comments—I’d love to hear how you’re navigating these challenges uniquely.

Until next time,
Abby

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Embracing Life’s Unpredictability: Finding Strength in Surrender to God’s Plan

Hope, growth, resilience, and inner peace can be found through unexpected challenges and surrender to God’s plan.

Hey, friends! This is the final piece of the “God Writes with Straight, Crooked Lines” series as I close out my final days in the Army.

As I reflect on life’s unpredictability, I’m struck by how much these moments shape us in ways we could never have imagined. It’s easy to get caught up in the discomfort of the unknown, to wrestle with sudden changes that throw us off course. But through these trials, I’ve come to understand a profound truth: God’s plan is often most evident in the spaces where our plans fall apart.

Life is full of twists and turns, moments that challenge our understanding and push us to our limits. When we face unexpected challenges—like an abrupt career change, a complicated relationship, or an unforeseen hardship—it’s natural to question why these happen. We may wonder why our carefully laid plans unravel or are thrust into unexpected situations. But I’ve learned that these moments, though painful, are where true growth happens.

I didn’t have all the answers, but I chose to believe that there was a purpose behind the pain. Slowly, I started to see small but significant changes. I was drawn to opportunities I would have never considered.

Instead of retreating, I consciously opened up to new experiences and relationships. I started attending a small Bible study group, a bonding group with others navigating life’s uncertainties and spending more time with God. Through shared stories and mutual support, I found healing and formed connections that have strengthened and encouraged me. These relationships have reminded me that community is essential to surrender and that we don’t have to face life’s challenges alone.

Reflecting on these experiences, I realize that surrendering to God’s plan didn’t just lead to external changes; it transformed my inner life. I became more resilient, more adaptable, and more at peace with the idea that I didn’t have to have everything figured out. Letting go and trusting in God’s timing has brought me closer to the person I’m meant to be.

But amidst all these changes, there is one goodbye that I know will be the hardest—the day I leave the Army. As I prepare for my upcoming discharge, my heart is heavy with mixed emotions. The Army has been more than just a job; it has been my home for the past three years. The uniform I’ve worn with pride has symbolised my commitment, sacrifices, and unwavering dedication to serving something greater than myself.

The day I say goodbye to the Army will be a moment of deep reflection and gratitude. The experiences, the friendships, the challenges—all of these have shaped me in ways that I never imagined when I first enlisted. I’ve learned the true meaning of resilience, the importance of camaraderie, and the strength that comes from pushing through adversity. But now, as I prepare to step into a new chapter, I know these lessons will stay with me, guiding me as I navigate whatever comes next.

The Army has given me so much, and as I prepare to take off this uniform for the last time, I carry a deep sense of pride, honour, and gratitude. This chapter may be closing, but its impact on my life will remain forever.

Now, you might wonder how to apply this in your life. Here are a few steps that have helped me and that I hope will guide you as well:

Pause and Reflect: When faced with unexpected challenges, take a moment to pause and reflect. Ask yourself, “What is this situation teaching me? How can I grow through this experience?” Journaling your thoughts can be a powerful way to gain clarity and perspective.
Release Control: Identify the areas in your life where you hold on too tightly. It might be a specific plan, relationship, or expectation. Practice releasing control by praying, meditating, or simply stepping back and trusting that God has a bigger picture in mind.
Take Action in Faith: Surrendering doesn’t mean being passive. It means taking action even when you’re uncertain of the outcome. Whether applying for a new job, reaching out to someone, or trying something outside your comfort zone, do it with faith that every step is part of a larger plan.
Seek Community: Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you. Share your journey with others who are also navigating life’s unpredictability. Their insights and encouragement can help you stay grounded and motivated.
Celebrate Small Wins: Growth often happens in small, incremental steps. Celebrate the little victories—learning something new, overcoming a fear, or overcoming a tough day. Recognizing these moments of progress will fuel your perseverance.

“Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be.” – Sonia Ricotti

Now, I’d love to hear from you. Have you ever faced a moment when your plans fell apart? How did you find the strength to move forward? What has surrendering to God’s plan taught you about yourself and your journey? Feel free to share your experiences in the comments—I believe we can learn so much from each other’s stories.

As you embark on this journey of surrender, remember that it’s not about figuring everything out but about trusting in the process and allowing yourself to be transformed along the way. Life’s unpredictability isn’t something to fear; it’s an opportunity to grow, discover, and become the person you’re meant to be

Until next time,
Abby

Finding Purpose in Unpredictability: Surrendering to God’s Plan

Letting go of our plans is not about giving up on our dreams but rather about being open to the idea that our lives may unfold in ways we never imagined, which can be good. It’s about consulting God in our decision-making and trusting His plans for us, which are ultimately for our good, even when they differ from our own.

A bad day, week, month or year is not indicative of a bad life. Our lives are not defined by temporary setbacks or moments of despair. It’s easy to get caught up in the negativity of our circumstances, allowing the weight of one difficult period to overshadow the broader narrative of our lives. Yet, this perspective encourages us to step back and see the bigger picture—our lives are a tapestry woven with challenges and triumphs, each thread contributing to the unique beauty of our story.

Focusing on the Wrong Things

It is so easy for us to focus on everything that is going wrong in our lives, so much so that it sucks the joy out of everything and everyone around us. However, like I said in prior posts, if our plans do not align with the ones God has for us, they will never come to life.

Faith and Comfort in Uncertainty

Last night, I had a dream, and in that dream, I kept repeating Jeremiah 29:11. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I woke up feeling comforted, knowing things would work out as they should. Faith provides comfort in times of uncertainty. This realization invites us to shift our focus from rigidly adhering to our plans to being open to the unfolding of God’s will in our lives. It’s a call to surrender—not in defeat but trust. Trust that the detours and delays we encounter are not obstacles but part of a more extraordinary design that we may not yet fully understand.

The Unpredictability of Life

In our journey through life, it’s natural to plan and set goals. We map out milestones, creating timelines that we hope will guide us toward the life we envision. However, life often unravels those plans, leading us down paths we never anticipated. This unpredictability can be unsettling, particularly for those comfortable with structure and control. Life is something we can’t plan for. It’s too unpredictable.

The Problem with Overplanning

It’s essential to recognise that while planning is not inherently wrong, it becomes problematic when we place our sense of worth and identity in achieving those plans. When we tie our happiness and self-worth to a specific timeline, we set ourselves up for disappointment and frustration when things don’t go as expected. This often leads to a cycle of comparison, where we measure our progress against that of others, forgetting that each of us is on a unique journey with its challenges and blessings.

Comparison Is the Thief of Joy

Comparison is a thief of joy. It blinds us to the blessings in our own lives and breeds discontentment. When we compare ourselves to others, we’re unfair to ourselves and the unique path that God has laid out for us. Our journeys are meant to be distinct, and the diversity of our experiences enriches the world around us. Imagine a world where everyone’s story was the same—how dull and unoriginal it would be! Our individual struggles, victories, and lessons we learn along the way make our stories worth telling.

My Own Experience with Setbacks

The realization that I would be losing my military career and battling depression and chronic pain was a time when everything seemed to be falling apart. I had planned my career meticulously. I worked tirelessly, sacrificing personal time and energy to achieve this goal, and lost it all within the blink of an eye. It felt like a massive failure. For weeks, I questioned my worth and the direction of my life.

Embracing God’s Plan

Letting go of our plans and embracing God’s plan for our lives is not easy. It requires humility, patience, and trust in God’s timing. But how do we know when to let go? The answer lies in our relationship with God. When we take our plans to Him in prayer, seeking His guidance and aligning our desires with His will, He provides the clarity and peace we need to move forward. God’s plans are rooted in love and designed to prosper us, not harm us. When we consult Him and remain open to His direction, we can rest assured that we are on the right path, even when it doesn’t look like what we initially envisioned.

Trusting God’s Timing

It’s important to remember that God’s timing is perfect, even when it doesn’t align with our own. What we perceive as delays or setbacks may be God’s way of preparing us for something greater. He may use these moments to teach us patience, strengthen our character, or redirect us towards a path leading to greater fulfilment and purpose. Therefore, we must learn to trust in the process, knowing that every step, even the difficult ones, is part of a divine plan for our good.

The Journey of Life

Life’s journey is filled with unexpected twists and turns, but this unpredictability is not something to fear. Instead, it’s an opportunity to deepen our trust in God and embrace the unique path He has laid for us. While making plans is natural, we must hold them loosely, always willing to submit them to God’s will. By doing so, we free ourselves from trying to control every aspect of our lives and open ourselves up to the possibility of something far greater than we could ever imagine.

Conclusion: Fret Not

So, fret not when things don’t go as planned. Remember that a bad day, week, month, or year is not indicative of a bad life. It’s merely a chapter in a much larger story that is still written by a loving God who has good plans for you. Trust in Him, and know that everything will work out as it should, in His perfect timing.

Until next time,
Abby

Trusting God’s Plan: My Unexpected Army Discharge

Welcome to part two of the “God Writes Straight with Crooked Lines” series.

In the previous post, I discussed my unexpected injury, which led to my ultimate discharge from the Army. I mentioned that when I enlisted, I intended to serve twenty years. If our plans do not align with the Lord’s intention, they will never play out as we expect.

Picture a street parade with all the floats and entertainment coming by in a single procession. You can only see as far as your eyes can see. Now, think of God having a bird’s-eye view of that parade. Life is like this parade. We can see only so much, but God sees it all—from the beginning to the end.

For four weeks after my injury, I was placed on bed rest. I was in crippling pain. I wanted to reach inside my back and pull the nerves out. The pain was unlike anything I had ever felt. I could barely walk. The medications I was on were not working. My world was falling apart. In my tent back in Kuwait, while everyone slept at night, I lay awake writhing in pain. During the days when they went out to work, I tried to sleep. Everything was backward for me. I was a mess.

One night, the pain got so bad I lay on the floor because it was the only thing that brought some form of relief. The hard, cold stone pressed against my back gave enough support to take some weight off my back. I can’t remember exactly when I got my friend, Pete, to take me to the emergency room that night, but I knew I had to go. I could not survive on the medications I had. So, Pete and two other guys I had formed a friendship with during the deployment borrowed this busted-up truck from our motor pool and drove me to the emergency room.

Looking back, I can laugh hysterically about the entire experience. This truck was big, loud, dirty, and ugly! Now, picture me, who could barely walk at the time, being carried out and trying to get into a truck with a female half my height because the men weren’t allowed in our barracks. Thankfully, the ER was close by. The doctor on call told me there was only one thing left for them to try to help with the pain: ketamine. My knowledge of ketamine at the time was that it is a horse tranquilliser. At that time, I was about 160 lbs. They dosed me, and for the first time in my life, I hallucinated. I saw a kaleidoscope of colours floating in front of my eyes; I had visions while wide awake. I was floating. I was disassociated. I sang “Like I Loved You” because country music was a comfort even in a dissociative state, and it so happened to be playing on the radio. I was a goner! It was a comically horrible experience.

They did not keep me overnight, and once it was safe for me to leave, my three friends got me into that fitful truck. Once again, Pete carried me on her back to my bed once we got back to our barracks. I think I slept that night. To this day, Pete is an angel sent from God himself. I met her, and we instantly connected. Not only was she a fellow Jamaican, but we got each other. I would have never gotten through without her. Thank you to Espinal, Rahman, Simms, Mack, Morales, and Martinez. Captain Gerjoi and Lieutenant Bailey-my amazing doctors. Thank you. Thank you for getting me through. For making me laugh through the pain, keeping up with me, and just being there even after I was medevaced out. Thank you!

I volunteered for that deployment because I needed a change. I wanted to get away. Never would I have imagined the complete 180 my life would have taken. My ordeal changed me. It tested my limits physically, emotionally, and spiritually. The journey from then until now has been transformative, turning pain into strength and uncertainty into a renewed sense of purpose.

This experience has shown me that our plans are often just a starting point. The true path is revealed through trials and unexpected turns, guiding us to places we never imagined. As I look to the future, I carry these lessons, embracing the unknown with confidence and faith.

The Power of Faith and Support

During those nights in Kuwait, I often questioned why this happened to me. Why was I in so much pain? Why did my career have to end this way? It was during these moments that my faith was tested the most. I prayed for strength, relief, and understanding. Slowly, I realised that this experience was shaping me in ways I couldn’t have imagined. It taught me resilience, patience, and the importance of relying on a support system.

Embracing the Unexpected

My injury forced me to slow down and reevaluate my life. It made me appreciate the small victories, like walking a few steps without pain or having a good night’s sleep. These were things I had taken for granted before. I also discovered new passions and interests that I might never have explored if I had continued my military career as planned. I started focusing on my education (associate’s degree completed after five long years and bachelor’s in the works to be completed next May) and family and finding new ways to contribute to my community.

Looking Ahead with Hope

As I prepare to transition to civilian life, I am filled with hope and anticipation. My journey has been far from easy, but it has been gratifying. I have learned that while we cannot control everything that happens to us, we can control how we respond. I choose to face the future with optimism and faith, knowing that God’s plan for me is far greater than anything I could have envisioned.

This is just the beginning of my story. Thank you for joining me in this series. Stay tuned for more reflections on the unexpected paths that lead us to our true purpose.

Until next time,
Abby

Navigating Life’s Challenges: My Unexpected Journey of Resilience and Growth

Abby’s life took a turn in March 2022 when a back injury led to her medical discharge from the Army. Despite initial struggles and disappointment, she found purpose in her pain and embraced change. She appreciates the support of family, friends, and faith and looks forward to new opportunities. Abby also plans to share insights from her journey in future posts.

Two years ago, the trajectory of my life changed.

It was an early morning in March 2022, and I had just completed a physical fitness test in the scorching Kuwaiti heat. All was well until I tried to stand up after having breakfast some minutes later. I felt a searing pain in my lower back that stopped me dead in my tracks. I could not stand to my full height or sit back down. I was stuck. After many bouts of physical therapy, pain management, surgery, and everything you can think of, the Army has found me unfit for duty, and I will be medically discharged because I am not getting better.

I knew this would be the result, and while I had time to prepare and accept the decision, I can’t say that I am not a little disappointed. When I enlisted, I did so with the intention of doing twenty years. My injury prevented me from completing my first contract—five out of six years. Two have been spent in a Soldier Recovery Unit, away from my friends and family. I mourn the loss of a career I did not have a chance to explore and get to know my true potential. I mourn being unable to lead and help set the standards for women like me. I mourn the people I will leave behind.

The journey from then until now has not been easy. In the beginning, I was so angry, lost, depressed, and feeling sorry for myself. Over time, with the help of my faith, therapy, support from friends and family, and simply changing my outlook, I have found purpose in my pain. Don’t get me wrong; there are days when the pain is still so crippling that it feels like my body is working against me. Instead of letting the pain define me, I choose to be in control.

The person I am now is not the same person I was before my injury. I have changed for the better. I have grown, and I have learned so much that may not have happened had I not gotten hurt. I have met people who have made a lasting impact on my life. I have been focused on school, family, a career, and my future from here on out. I have never been more ready and confident to face the unknown.

Reflecting on this unexpected journey, I realize that life is a series of events, many of which we cannot control. The military deepened my resilience, discipline, and the importance of teamwork. These lessons are now more relevant than ever as I navigate this new chapter of my life. The skills I acquired during my service are transferable, and I am eager to apply them in new ways. I’ve discovered new passions and interests I might never have pursued without my injury.

My family and friends have been my rock throughout this ordeal. Their unwavering support has reminded me that I am not alone in this journey. My faith has also been a guiding light, giving me the strength to persevere and find meaning in my struggles. Each day is a testament to the power of faith, love, and determination.

Looking ahead, I am filled with anticipation and excitement. The path before me is uncharted, but it is also filled with endless possibilities. I am committed to making the most of every opportunity and to continuing my journey of growth and self-discovery. The experiences I have gained, the lessons I have learned, and the people I have met along the way have all contributed to shaping the person I am today.

In the coming posts, I will delve deeper into specific aspects of my journey, sharing insights and lessons learned. From coping with physical pain to finding new career paths, from the importance of mental health to the power of community, I hope to provide valuable perspectives that resonate with others facing similar challenges.

I want to express my heartfelt gratitude to my care team at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center, Fort Belvoir, and my civilian providers.
Thank you for joining me on this journey.

Together, we can navigate the twists and turns of life, finding strength in our shared experiences and hope in the promise of tomorrow. Stay tuned for more.

With gratitude,
Abby

Reflecting on the Beautiful Chaos of Parenthood

Abby’s unexpected experience with four children transformed her perspective on love and parenting, challenging her insecurities. Over time, she became fiercely protective, adapting her lifestyle and parenting approach. Their departure left a profound impact, teaching her about love’s strength and our lasting influence on each other. Abby embraces the imperfections of parenting, cherishing the memories and embracing the power of love to shape lives.

If you want to make God laugh, tell Him about your plans. I was adamant I did not want children, nor would I date someone who had any of their own. Well, for eight short months, I was partly responsible for not one but four incredible children who opened my heart’s capacity for love. God sure does have a sense of humour!

I won’t come here to sugarcoat and say it was easy because it was not. The first day I met them, I was cowering away behind a façade of indifference. Four pairs of eyes stared back at someone who would now be in control of their well-being. I, on the other hand, was petrified. I didn’t think I was up for the task; most of all, I had a strong feeling that they did not like me. My insecurities were rearing their ugly heads.

In the following months, I became fiercely protective of them, and to this day, I want and wish to save them from the people who are supposed to love them the most. They were no longer some kids-they were my kids. My entire existence changed. There was nothing I wouldn’t do for them, and I would go to hell and back for them. Their coming into my life was one of the highlights of my year, and forming an even closer relationship was the icing on top. Through them, I learnt so much about myself and what it means to be a parent. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but I know I did a heck of a job!

My entire world revolved around them. There was no decision I made without considering them. There was no store that I walked into and left empty-handed. If I saw something that reminded me of them, I just had to get what it was. They consumed every thought, their needs, and what they would like. Through all this, I knew that I had some changes to make on my own. I didn’t have the ideal childhood, and I’m thankful for how I was raised, but I knew I had to do things differently. So, as any millennial parent, I was entertained by the gentle parenting technique. All over my social media fyps were posts about gentle parenting. I wanted to make a difference. I made sure to apologise to them when I was wrong. I corrected them. I included them, but most of all, I respected them. There were some things that I was bullheaded about, such as cleanliness. I am an “everything has its place,” and being in the military does not help. Ha!

It’s important to remember that children are humans, too. Have conversations with and include them. There is so much they learn from us. I never thought that I would be on the phone for hours talking to an eight-year-old or a thirteen-year-old. Sometimes, neither of us said anything, but we had peace of mind knowing that there was someone on the other end of the line. These shared experiences shape who we are and who we become. When they look back years from now, I hope they remember the lessons and the love and support that surrounded them. I hope they remember that their voices mattered and that they were never alone in their journey.

We talked through their problems. It wasn’t just about solving them for them but about letting them know they were heard and valued. These conversations were not always filled with words of wisdom but with moments of mutual understanding and support.

These interactions taught me the importance of being present and patient. They also taught me resilience, empathy, and the power of open communication. They told me everything! As painful as it was at times, I am thrilled I could be a source for them to confide in. I hope these lessons stay with them as they grow, reminding them that they are never alone and that someone cares deeply for them.

My time with them abruptly and unexpectedly came to an end. My world shattered, and the pain that came from losing them is inexplicable. It blows my mind when I think of parents intentionally hurting their children. I cannot fathom how anyone can look into the innocent eyes of children and take out all their frustrations on them. Yes, it sometimes gets overwhelming, but that is no excuse for mistreatment. Children are looking at what we do more so than what we say. The things we do and say shape their behaviours and development. Parenting involves selflessness. It is essential to be discerning about who to bring around your child(ren). I can’t imagine being away from my child, nor can I understand parents choosing to walk away.

No child asked for permission to be on this Earth. It is not their responsibility to be thankful and appreciative of the sacrifices we make. It may seem like a sacrifice to us, but to children and wise folks, that is simply parenting. I am no expert, but my entire perspective changed when I was with them. It’s true when they say you never really know what you have until it’s gone. I miss them a lot. I miss the chaos, and I miss the mess. Why? Because it was beautifully chaotic, and there was nowhere else, I would rather be.

In the middle of our bubble being pricked, an eight-year-old told me I was her best friend and that she wanted to follow in my footsteps. That shattered my heart into a million pieces! It also solidified what I knew to be true: I made a fantastic impact. I will always have space to carry my love for them. I am also profoundly apologetic to them for not being able to protect them and give them the life they deserved.

Thank you, God, for bringing them to me and showing me beauty in chaos. I know they will never see this post, but to the four innocent souls who opened my eyes, heart, and purse! I love you with every fibre of my being. I miss our playful banter, nicknames, enthralling conversations, and lessons where the four of you were the teacher at different times. I will always carry the memories we made with me.

Sometimes, I find myself reminiscing about the small moments that defined our time together—cooking together, putting furniture together, café dates and McDonald’s runs, laughing until our stomachs hurt, the innocent questions only children can ask, and the heartfelt conversations about their dreams and fears. These moments, though fleeting, are etched in my heart forever.

I also learnt to embrace the imperfections of parenting. There were days when I felt utterly exhausted, overwhelmed, and unsure of myself. But in those moments, I discovered the true strength of love. It’s not about having all the answers or being perfect; it’s about showing up, being present, and loving with all your heart. And that’s precisely what I did.

My journey with those four incredible children has taught me the profound impact we can have on each other’s lives. It’s a reminder that love knows no bounds and that our connections can transcend time and circumstance’s limitations.

To anyone in a similar situation, embrace the chaos, cherish the moments, and never underestimate love’s power in transforming lives.

With love,
Abby

Understanding Forgiveness: The Journey to Spiritual Renewal and Healing

Amid a difficult breakup, the writer confronts the challenge of true forgiveness. Through introspection and spiritual renewal, they realize the superficiality of their forgiveness and its impact on their relationships. Drawing from personal and religious insights, they acknowledge forgiveness as an ongoing process and share practical strategies for cultivating it.

Introspection is humbling but, at the same time, freeing.

A few months ago, I went through a breakup. I took it badly. Amid it, he told me he couldn’t forgive and forget, and I took it personally because I thought it was the opposite for me. I believed I had forgiven and forgotten. I was being a hypocrite. Using terms such as “you always” or “you never” indicates we have not forgiven. I was guilty of using these words. As much as I wanted to tell myself otherwise, how we truly feel on the inside always comes out when emotions are heightened. I had not forgiven. At least he was honest about how he felt. Kudos to him.

As I am on this journey of spiritual renewal, there are moments when I am hit by thoughts that leave me with no choice but to examine them deeply. This most recent one is forgiveness. I came across a book, “Forgiving What You Can’t Forget” by Lysa TerKeurst, and I immediately purchased it. Seeing the title instantly made me realise that I was struggling with forgiveness and that to be free from the hurt I was feeling, I needed to let go.

Before that, I thought I was leading by example and doing what God asks of us—praying for those who hurt us—and believe me, I have prayed. After realising my struggle, I asked myself, were those prayers a show, knowing that my heart harboured resentment towards that person, or were they sincere? Like I said earlier, introspection is very humbling.

One specific experience stands out. I remember an argument where my ex said something hurtful, and I retaliated by bringing up his past mistakes when I spoke about it with my friends. While I may not have said it to him specifically, it was clear then that my forgiveness was superficial. Instead of addressing the underlying hurt, I used it as ammunition. This realisation was painful but necessary for my growth.

There are many references in the Bible where God tells us to forgive. After all, the most outstanding example of forgiveness was God sending Jesus to die for our sins. How can I, a mere human, refuse to forgive those around me? Who am I to judge? I know how much it hurts, but when we hold on to feelings of betrayal, anger, hurt, pride, and defeat, they only fuel the fire of unforgiveness.

I have learned that forgiveness is a process. It’s ongoing. It’s intentional. It’s easy to say we forgive, but the key is doing the work afterwards and knowing how to navigate the emotions that arise when we are triggered positively. It’s knowing how not to secretly want the other person to hurt in the way that they hurt you. It’s knowing what it means to let go genuinely. That, my friends, is what it means to be intentional. I won’t lie. It’s hard. However, our wounds never heal when we hold on to all the negative feelings. Whenever a memory surfaces, and we view it from an earthly perspective, we inflict more damage on that wound, and it never heals.

“But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Matthew 6:15. There are so many times I have asked for our Father’s forgiveness, knowing that I have unforgiveness in my heart. Abby, be so for real!

I also realised that my inability to forgive had caused other relationships to fall apart. I said I forgave, but at the slightest inconvenience, I either threw it back in their faces or took it out on them in some other way. For instance, I often withdraw or become passive-aggressive with friends when old wounds are unintentionally reopened.

Here are a few practical strategies that have helped me cultivate forgiveness in my daily life:

Prayer and Meditation: These practices help center my thoughts and remind me of the bigger picture. They connect me with peace and purpose beyond my immediate emotions.
Mindfulness: Staying present helps me avoid ruminating on past hurts. It keeps me focused on the here and now, where I have the power to change my responses. When memories of betrayal overwhelm me, I take time to pray and meditate, which helps me bring about a feeling of calmness to see the situation with compassion rather than anger.
Seeking Counsel: Talking to a trusted friend or therapist can provide new perspectives and help me navigate complex emotions.
Practising Empathy: Seeing the situation from the other person’s perspective can soften my heart and open the door to forgiveness.

In addition to the Bible, various other traditions offer valuable insights on forgiveness. For example, Buddhist teachings emphasise releasing attachment to anger and resentment. They advocate for compassion towards oneself and others, recognising that everyone is on a path of growth and learning. Similarly, many Indigenous cultures view forgiveness as a communal act essential for restoring harmony and balance within the community.

Forgiveness is not about condoning hurtful actions but about freeing ourselves from the chains of resentment. It’s about healing and moving forward with a lighter heart. As I continue this journey, I strive to embrace forgiveness as a concept and a daily practice, one step at a time.

Until next time,
Abby

Finding True Happiness and Healing Through the Lord

A personal journey of pain and faith, seeking solace in God and finding strength in a supportive community.

This is the second consecutive week I’ve felt compelled to write and post spontaneously, diverging from my prewritten and scheduled posts. This is a sign that the Lord is speaking to and guiding me. Once again, I heard a song that deeply moved me, resonating with my current state of mind and heart.

Last week was particularly challenging—not just a tough day, but a series of difficult days. I found myself crying at the most unexpected times. I’ve been pouring out my heart to God, telling Him how much it hurts. While I can try to pretend that I’m okay, the truth is that the pain is overwhelming. It hurts so deeply. There were moments when I felt hopeless, focusing only on the one thing that went wrong, overshadowing all the other areas where I was thriving. It’s difficult to celebrate my accomplishments when the pain seems all-consuming.

The Trap of Temporary Relief

Pain has a way of pulling us in, making it easy to give in to it or seek temporary relief. We might turn to alcohol, drugs, sex, or meaningless relationships, convincing ourselves that these will provide us with happiness and renewal. While these might offer fleeting comfort, they are not lasting solutions. True happiness, joy, and peace come from the Lord and are found within ourselves through Him.

Finding Strength in Faith

Lyrics from “Lead Me On” by Chandler Moore:

“I don’t know what season you’re in right now
I don’t know what giant you’re looking right now
But just let Him lead you on
Know it looks hard, I know it looks hard
Know it’s uncomfortable
But You can trust Him, just let Him lead you on
I didn’t know where else to go
I tried so many other options
But I’m left with Him, really walking by faith now”

These lyrics perfectly capture what I’m experiencing. It’s hard, and the temptation to let go and follow my path is strong. However, Ecclesiastes 3 reminds us that there is a time for everything. Rushing or skipping crucial parts of my healing process would only do me a disservice. So, I will cry as much as I need to because I trust that when the time is right, the Lord will fulfil His promises, just as He said.

Personal Insights and Practical Tips

Surrounding Myself with a Supportive Community: Leaning on a faith community has been crucial. Sharing my struggles with trusted friends and mentors allows me to receive their prayers, encouragement, and wisdom. Remembering that we don’t have to endure tough times alone is essential.
Meditative Prayer and Worship: I spend time in meditative prayer and worship, focusing on God’s presence and letting His peace wash over me. Worship songs like “Lead Me On” become prayers that soothe my soul and remind me of His constant presence.
Journaling My Prayers: I will incorporate journaling into my days. Writing down my thoughts and feelings may help me process my emotions and bring me closer to God. It will also remind me of His faithfulness when I look back and see how He has answered my prayers over time.

Embracing the Healing Process

There’s something humbling about admitting our struggles and turning to God in our darkest hours. In these times of desperation and raw honesty, we often find our most significant growth and transformation. The tears, the cries, and the feelings of brokenness are not signs of weakness but rather steps in the healing process that God is orchestrating in our lives. Each tear shed is a prayer, each cry a call for divine intervention, and each moment of pain an opportunity for God to demonstrate His boundless love and grace.

Moving Forward with Faith

It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing our pain to our achievements, wondering why we can’t seem to find joy in our successes. But God’s plan for us often involves walking through the valleys to appreciate the mountaintops fully. Many significant figures, from David to Job, experienced immense suffering in the Bible before finding redemption and fulfilment. Their stories remind us that our journeys, with all their ups and downs, are part of a larger narrative that God is writing.

The world offers many distractions and temporary fixes, but they are just that—temporary. True, lasting fulfilment comes from a deep, abiding relationship with God. He is the source of our strength, the anchor in our storms, and the healer of our hearts. When we seek Him earnestly, we find a peace that surpasses all understanding, a joy that endures even in the face of adversity.

As I reflect on these truths, I’m reminded of Isaiah 40:31: “But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” This promise is a beacon of hope, a reminder that our struggles are temporary and that with God, we will emerge stronger and more resilient.

So, to anyone reading this who is also going through a tough time, know that you are not alone. Trust in God’s timing and His plan for your life. Allow yourself to grieve, to cry, and to heal. And remember, when the time is right, the Lord will bring you out of the valley and into the light, just as He has promised.

Let us continue to walk by faith, leaning on His understanding and not our own. Let us allow His love to fill the cracks in our hearts and His peace to calm the storms in our minds. Together, we can find the strength to keep moving forward, knowing that God is with us every step of the way.

Until next time,
Abby