Healing – Page 2 – Authentically Abby

Understanding Love

The essence of love extends beyond feelings; it involves intentional actions rooted in selflessness and understanding. Breaking down 1 Corinthians 13 reveals true love encompasses patience, kindness, and forgiveness. Effective communication and adapting to one’s partner’s love language are vital, fostering deeper connection and ensuring both partners feel valued and fulfilled.

One of the most challenging yet transformative lessons I’ve had to learn is the true nature of love. Love isn’t just about feelings; it’s an intentional, often sacrificial act that requires a deeper understanding of ourselves and our partners. For me, breaking down 1 Corinthians 13 was the key to this realisation. I came across a sermon that left my eyes wide open. It’s linked below.

1 Corinthians 13: A Blueprint for Love in Relationships

In 1 Corinthians 13, the Apostle Paul offers a profound description of love. He writes, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” These verses are often quoted at weddings, but they hold even more meaning when applied to the complexities of day-to-day relationships. True love isn’t just about grand gestures or romantic moments; it’s about showing patience, kindness, humility, and forgiveness when things get tough.

When we measure our relationships against these qualities, we realise how much we still have to learn. I thought I knew what love was, but I didn’t fully understand the selflessness it requires—loving someone for who they are, not just for how they make me feel.

Loving Your Partner the Way They Want to Be Loved

One of the biggest misconceptions in relationships is that love comes naturally and that we should automatically know how to love one another. While certain things like respect, kindness, and consideration are fundamental, the truth is that we’re not mind readers. What one person considers love might not align with their partner’s needs or expectations. This is why it’s crucial to love your partner how they want to be loved, not just how you prefer to show love.

This was a hard lesson for me to learn. I used to believe that my way of expressing love—through acts of service and words of affirmation—was enough. I would cook meals, offer encouraging words, and assume I was doing everything right. But I wasn’t asking my partner what they needed from me. They craved quality time and physical touch, which I often neglected because I was focused on showing love my way, not their way. We tend to assume our love language is universal, but it’s not. Love requires communication—ask your partner what makes them feel valued, seen, and cherished, and then act on that.

“Ask, and you shall receive.” This principle applies not just to prayer but also to relationships. When you express your needs clearly and ask your partner how they feel loved, you open the door to a deeper, more fulfilling connection. And when both people know better, they can do better.

Pitfalls of Miscommunication and Assumptions

Miscommunication is one of the biggest relationship pitfalls. We often make assumptions about what our partner should know or feel without ever expressing it clearly. I learned this the hard way when I felt hurt by something my partner did, yet I never told them why. I expected them to “just know” they had upset me. But when we leave our feelings unsaid, we create space for resentment to grow.

In relationships, it’s essential to avoid making assumptions. Assuming our partner can read our minds, we set ourselves up for disappointment. Likewise, thinking we know what they need without asking can lead to unmet expectations and hurt feelings. Clear communication is the foundation of love—it’s not about being right but understanding each other better.

The Importance of Communication: Learning to Love Better

I also used to believe that I was doing everything right if my intentions were good. But the truth is, we all have shortcomings in our love, and we only recognize them when we allow God to search and purify our hearts. For me, this was a turning point. When I asked God to reveal areas where I could grow, He showed me that while I wasn’t wrong in my approach, there was much more to learn. He “clocked” me, as they say!

It’s not that I didn’t know love, but I didn’t fully grasp what it truly entails—the ongoing work, the humility, the grace.

A Thin Line Between Love and Hate

When love is used as a bargaining tool, it becomes transactional, and this conditional approach can lead to deep emotional pain when the “rules” of love are broken. Love, by nature, is supposed to be a safe space where trust, vulnerability, and mutual care thrive. However, when someone uses love to manipulate or control, it creates an imbalance of power, shifting the relationship into a fragile space where affection is given and withheld as leverage. This leads directly to the concept of “a thin line between love and hate.” The shift from love to hate can be rapid when one feels betrayed or used, as the emotional investment in love is high, making any breach of trust or manipulation feel like a deep personal wound.

It hurts so much when these rules are broken because genuine love is built on trust and openness. When that foundation is shattered, the emotional fallout is a betrayal of our most intimate feelings. The line between love and hate becomes thinner when expectations aren’t met, or love is taken advantage of, turning once beautiful emotions into resentment. The hurt runs deep because, in a sense, we expect love to be unconditional, and when it’s not, it feels like a rejection of the very essence of who we are.

Be careful not to view love as a bargain. Give it freely without expecting anything in return.

Putting It Into Practice: The Journey of Loving Better

In my own life, learning this lesson wasn’t easy. I fell victim to worldly patterns—keeping score or retreating into pride. But I’ve found that when I love according to God’s standards, the peace and growth that follow are far more rewarding.

Here are some practical steps I’ve learned through my journey to love more intentionally:

Ask, don’t assume. Take time to ask your partner how they feel most loved and heard. You’ll be surprised how much more connected you feel when you love them in ways that resonate with them. Example: If your partner feels loved through quality time, plan a date night where you’re fully present. Leave the phone behind, engage in meaningful conversation, and show them their time matters to you.
Practice humility. Pride often blocks true intimacy. When disagreements arise, pause and ask yourself if you’re more focused on being right or loving. Example: In moments of conflict, instead of reacting immediately, take a breath and respond with empathy. Ask your partner how they feel and tell them you care about their emotions.
Forgive as God forgives. Don’t keep score or hold grudges. Love doesn’t keep a record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:5), and neither should we. If we want to experience God’s grace in our relationships, we must extend that same grace to our partner. Example: The next time your partner makes a mistake, address the issue at hand instead of bringing up past hurts with a clean slate. Approach it from a place of love and understanding.
Check in regularly. Love is not a one-time decision; it’s an ongoing commitment. Make it a habit to check in with your partner about how things are going and whether their needs are being met. Example: Set aside a weekly or monthly time to discuss your relationship. Ask open-ended questions like, “How can I support you better?” or “Is there anything we can work on together?”

The World vs. God’s Definition of Love

In today’s culture, we’re often taught to keep score, be petty, and “get even” when we feel wronged. Social media encourages the idea that relationships should be easy, and if they’re not, it’s time to move on. But God’s definition of love is radically different. In Mark 12:31, Jesus teaches us that the greatest commandment is to love—love unconditionally, love sacrificially, and love without keeping a record of wrongs.

God doesn’t hold our sins against us. When Jesus died on the cross, He paid the ransom for all our mistakes, giving us a fresh start. If God can forgive us completely, we can extend that same forgiveness and grace to those we love. This isn’t about ignoring boundaries or tolerating abuse; it’s about choosing to love with the same grace we’ve been given. Forgiveness is not just an act but a crucial element in our relationships, allowing us to love more deeply and unconditionally.

Conclusion: Learning to Love with Intention

Learning to love better is a journey, not a destination. It requires constant self-reflection, communication, and a willingness to grow. When we align our love with God’s definition—patient, kind, humble, and forgiving—we improve our relationships and experience deeper intimacy and fulfilment.

Remember these key takeaways:

Love your partner how they want to be loved. Ask them directly what makes them feel cherished.
Communicate openly. Don’t assume your partner knows what you need or how you think—express it.
Forgive freely. Don’t keep score; approach your partner with grace and understanding.
Keep learning. Relationships evolve, and so should your approach to love. It’s essential to adapt to changes in a relationship. Regularly check in with your partner to grow together. By following these principles, we can transform our relationships from transactional love to intentional love—the kind that reflects God’s grace and brings true fulfilment.

Reflection Questions

Take a few moments to reflect on your relationships:

What is your love language, and have you communicated it to your partner?
How do you show love in your relationships, and does it align with how your partner wants to be loved?
What assumptions have you made in the past that may have led to miscommunication? How can you address these moving forward?

Call to Action

Have you ever experienced a breakthrough in your relationship by asking your partner what they need instead of assuming? Share your story in the comments below! Let’s learn from each other and grow together in love.

Love Language Quiz

If you’re unsure of your love language, take this quick quiz to discover how you and your partner can best show and receive love. Understanding your love language can strengthen your relationship and bring joy and connection to your daily lives.

Click here to take the Love Language Quiz.

Until next time,
Abby

Do You Want to Hear the Harsh Truth? No One is Coming to Save You

No one is coming to save you—and that’s where your power lies. True healing comes when you stop waiting for someone else to fix things and take full responsibility for your life. By stepping out of victimhood and into empowerment, you become the creator of your transformation.

When we experience pain, loss, or trauma, it’s easy to wait for someone else to step in and rescue us. We think, “If only someone would help me, then I could heal.” But here’s a harsh truth: no one is coming to save you. While that might sound daunting, it’s actually empowering. In continuing our journey from Healing Mindset: Transforming Trauma, we’re diving deeper into how we often fall into patterns of victimhood—and how taking full ownership of our healing is the only way to break free.

The Drama Triangle: A Trap That Keeps Us Stuck

One of the ways we get stuck is by falling into what’s called the Drama Triangle, a concept developed by Stephen Karpman. This triangle consists of three roles we often assume in times of distress:

Victim: We feel powerless and blame others or our circumstances for our pain.
Rescuer/Hero: We try to save others or expect someone else to save us, which avoids personal responsibility.
Persecutor/Villain: We blame or criticize others for our suffering, creating a cycle of resentment and frustration.

Does this sound familiar? It’s easy to fall into these roles, but they keep us stuck in a loop of helplessness and blame. The Victim role feels particularly seductive when life gets hard. I know this firsthand—I used to wait for someone to come along and “fix” things for me. But that waiting never brought me closer to healing.

Take a moment to reflect: Have you ever found yourself in one of these roles? Maybe you’ve expected someone else to “rescue” you from your problems. How has that worked out? Often, the longer we stay in the Drama Triangle, the more frustrated we become.

Breaking Free: Stepping Into the Role of Creator

When we accept the truth that no one is coming to save us, we realize something powerful: we have the ability to save ourselves. This shift from being a Victim to becoming a Creator of our lives is where healing begins.

I remember a time in my life when I was stuck in the Victim role. After an injury altered my career path, I felt lost and hopeless, constantly waiting for someone or something to pull me out of the situation. But it wasn’t until I accepted that I was the only one who could change my story that I began to heal. By shifting my mindset, I found a new passion in healthcare administration, and my life became more prosperous because of that decision.

“Trauma victims cannot recover until they become familiar with and befriend the sensations in their bodies.”– Dr. Bessel van der Kolk.

Key Takeaways for Taking Responsibility

Ready to step out of the Drama Triangle and into a place of empowerment? Here are some practical steps to guide you along the way:

Recognize the patterns: Become aware of when you’re slipping into the roles of Victim, Rescuer, or Persecutor. Awareness is the first step toward breaking the cycle.
Shift your focus from problems to solutions: Instead of focusing on what’s wrong, ask yourself, “What can I do to change my situation?” A solution-based mindset empowers you to take action.
Accept that healing is your responsibility: No one can do your inner work. Once you acknowledge this, you reclaim control over your healing journey.
Set small, actionable goals: Start with simple steps, like journaling your emotions, seeking support from a therapist, or practising self-compassion. Progress happens in small, consistent actions.
Surround yourself with supportive people: While no one can save you, having a community that encourages and uplifts you is essential. Find people who support your growth, not those who keep you stuck.

Shifting Your Mindset: From Victim to Empowered Creator

Moving from Victim to Creator doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process that requires self-awareness and intentional action. But every step forward is a step toward freedom.

As Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor and psychologist, famously said, “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” This insight is a powerful reminder that even when our external circumstances feel out of control, we still hold the power to change how we respond.

Taking Ownership: The Path to Healing

When we stop waiting for someone to save us, we unlock the power to save ourselves. Healing doesn’t come from outside sources—it comes from within. Whether you’re healing from trauma, recovering from loss, or working through pain, the journey begins with your decision to take responsibility for your life.

Here are some additional expert insights to keep in mind:

Dr. Gabor Maté, an expert in trauma, teaches that healing requires us to confront and take responsibility for the emotions we’ve been avoiding. He says, “The essence of trauma is disconnection from ourselves.” Healing is reconnecting with our inner world and taking responsibility for how we move forward.
Brene Brown, in her research on vulnerability and courage, reminds us that “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it.” Taking responsibility for our healing means owning our story, no matter how difficult it might be.

How to Reclaim Your Power

To help guide you on this journey, here are some concrete steps you can start taking today:

Identify where you are in the Drama Triangle: Reflect on whether you’re playing the role of Victim, Rescuer, or Persecutor and how these roles might keep you stuck.
Shift from Victim to Creator: Begin to see yourself as the Creator of your own life. This shift can start with small actions—take responsibility for responding to challenges.
Create a plan for healing: Outline specific steps you can take to start healing. Whether seeking therapy, practising mindfulness, or confronting past emotions, make a plan and stick to it.
Surround yourself with positive influences: Seek out people who empower you rather than those who reinforce the roles of the Drama Triangle. Your environment can have a huge impact on your growth.
Celebrate progress, not perfection: Healing isn’t linear. There will be ups and downs, but every step forward is progress. Celebrate your wins, no matter how small.

Specific Resources for Healing and Empowerment

If you’re looking for additional support as you navigate your healing journey, here are some excellent resources:

The Body Keeps the Score by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk: This book offers a deep dive into understanding trauma and how it affects both the body and mind.
When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress by Dr. Gabor Maté: In this book, Maté explores the connection between trauma, stress, and physical health and offers tools for recovery.
Rising Strong by Brene Brown: Brown’s work on vulnerability and resilience provides powerful insights into owning our story and finding strength through struggle.
Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl: This classic book highlights the power of finding meaning and purpose even in the most challenging circumstances.
Healing Is a Choice by Stephen Arterburn: Arterburn offers practical steps for breaking free from the patterns that keep us from healing, emphasizing the power of personal responsibility.

You Are Your Own Hero

The reality that no one is coming to save you can feel overwhelming, but it’s also incredibly freeing. When you accept this truth, you reclaim your power to create your own life. Stepping out of the Drama Triangle and into the role of Creator is the key to your healing journey.

Now, I leave you with this: What’s one small step you can take today to move from Victim to Creator? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments—I’d love to hear how you’re reclaiming your power and stepping into your role as the hero of your own story.

Until next time,
Abby

https://www.bringthedonuts.com/essays/the-drama-triangle/

Healing Mindset: Transforming Trauma

Life often surprises us with challenges like breakups and loss, reminding us that our reactions matter most while we can’t control events. Healing is a personal responsibility that requires shifting mindsets and taking ownership of our journey. Trusting in God’s process can lead to restoration and growth, making every step towards healing significant.

Life has a way of surprising us. Just when we think we have everything under control, something happens—a breakup, a loss, a painful experience—that leaves us feeling unsteady. While we can’t control these events, how we respond makes all the difference. “10% of our lives are things that happen to us, and 90% is how we react” is a powerful reminder that we are responsible for our healing and growth.

Healing is Our Responsibility

It’s natural to want to point fingers when life throws us curveballs. I remember a time when I felt deeply hurt by someone I trusted, and for a while, I believed that if they had acted differently, I wouldn’t feel so broken. But eventually, I realized that while they may have caused the initial pain, I was responsible for what happened next.

Blaming others keeps us trapped in a cycle of hurt. When we fixate on what happened to us, we give away our power to heal. Healing, after all, is a personal journey. As much as we’d love for others to fix things for us, the truth is, it’s up to us to move forward.

This is where faith plays a pivotal role. In 1 Peter 5:6-10, we are called to “humble ourselves under God’s mighty hand,” so that in due time, He may lift us. This isn’t about pretending the hurt isn’t there—it’s about acknowledging that while we can’t control everything, God can. It’s about trusting in His timing for our healing. When we humbly place our struggles in His hands, we release the weight of what we cannot change and allow Him to guide us through restoration.

Taking Ownership: Moving Forward Instead of Blaming

The beginning of this season of my life was rough! I had a choice: I could wallow in disappointment or find a new way forward. While the initial pain and hurt weren’t something I could control, my response to it was. Instead of feeling defeated, I chose to develop a deeper relationship with God and pursue other interests, and that decision has brought more fulfilment than I ever imagined.

This experience taught me that clinging to old ways, especially when they don’t yield results, can prevent us from seeing new opportunities. When our current approach to healing—whether it’s avoidance, denial, or resentment—doesn’t work, it’s time to take a new direction.

1 Peter 5:6-10 comes into play here again, reassuring that when we humble ourselves and trust in God’s process, we will eventually be lifted. This idea of “lifting up” isn’t just about relief from pain but about rising to new heights—places we couldn’t have imagined if we stayed stuck in our hurt. The path to healing may require a shift in direction, but that change can lead to greater purpose and growth.

The Power of Perspective: Shifting Negative Mindsets

Have you ever walked into a situation expecting the worst, only to find that things turned out exactly how you imagined? That’s the power of mindset. When we think negatively, we limit our opportunities for growth and healing.

I’ve seen this in my own life. During particularly tough times, I would convince myself that nothing good could come out of the situation. That mindset didn’t just limit my growth—it stopped it altogether. It wasn’t until I shifted my perspective, choosing to see setbacks as opportunities for learning and growth, that I began to heal.

In the same way, we can approach trauma and pain with a mindset of defeat or with a mindset of resilience. The Bible reminds us that “after you have suffered a little while, God will restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you” (1 Peter 5:10). This verse holds a vital key to perspective—yes, suffering is part of the journey, but it is not the end. There is a promise of restoration if we are willing to trust in the process, and that promise can be our motivation to keep moving forward.

From Trauma to Triumph: Healing is a Choice

Trauma is not something we choose, but how we move forward from it is. According to Trauma is Not Your Fault, trauma often happens through no fault of our own. However, while trauma itself is beyond our control, healing from it is a conscious decision we must make.

I remember talking with someone who had experienced significant trauma in their life. They were angry, hurt, and, for a while, stuck in the belief that nothing would ever change. They believed their trauma defined them, and as a result, their life remained in a cycle of pain. But once they chose to seek help and shift their perspective, their healing journey began. It wasn’t instant, but they reclaimed their life by taking responsibility for their healing.

This process echoes the idea that while trauma is an unavoidable chapter in our lives, it doesn’t have to be the entire story. Healing is not easy—it often requires therapy, support from others, and deep self-reflection. But as we work through it, we begin to rebuild our lives, with trauma becoming a part of our past, not our future.

Action Steps: Embracing Change and Growth

So, how can we begin the process of healing and growth? Here are a few practical steps to help guide the journey:

Take ownership of your healing-Reflect on how you might be holding yourself back. Is there a part of you still waiting for someone else to make things right? Consider journaling about what healing looks like for you, and list a few small actions you can take to reclaim control of your life.
Change your mindset– Identify negative thoughts that may keep you stuck. One way to do this is through a simple exercise: replace every negative thought that enters your mind with a positive truth. For example, instead of thinking, “This situation is hopeless,” remind yourself, “There is always potential for growth, even in difficult circumstances.”
Seek guidance– Healing is not a journey you have to walk alone. Whether through prayer, counselling, or a trusted friend, having someone to talk to can make a difference. Speaking with a mentor helped me see my struggles in a new light, often pointing out strengths I didn’t realize I had.
Embrace discomfort– Growth rarely happens in comfort zones. Sometimes, the most remarkable healing comes when we allow ourselves to sit with uncomfortable emotions and trust that they are part of the process. Consider trying new activities like mindfulness meditation or taking up a physical exercise that challenges you—it’s a great way to build resilience and strengthen both body and mind.
Celebrate small wins– Healing is a journey; every step forward deserves recognition. Make a habit of acknowledging small victories, whether it’s a breakthrough in therapy, a shift in mindset, or simply a day where you feel lighter. These wins remind you that progress is possible, even when the road is long.

You Hold the Key to Your Healing

Life will always present us with challenges, but our true power lies in how we react. Healing doesn’t happen overnight, but every step we take toward taking ownership of our lives brings us closer to wholeness.

What’s your next step in healing? What’s one thing you can do today to reclaim control over your story? I invite you to share your experiences or insights in the comments—whether you’re just beginning your healing journey or are further along, your story might inspire someone else to take that next step toward wholeness.

“Owning our story can be hard, but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it.” -Brene Brown

Click to access Trauma-Is-Not-Your-Fault.pdf

Until next time,
Abby

Make Prayer Your Daily Steering Wheel

I recently went to see The Forge and boy, was it good! The movie hit home for me in many ways, especially because it touched on much of what I’ve written about here on the blog. But there was one line that really stood out and lingered with me long after the credits rolled.

One of the characters said:

“We can’t treat prayer like some spare tire that you only pull out in an emergency. No. Prayer has to be more like the steering wheel that you hold tightly every day no matter where you’re going.”

What a powerful metaphor, right? It got me thinking about how often we’re all guilty of this—only turning to God when things go wrong when we’re desperate for a way out. But how different would our lives look if we held onto prayer like a steering wheel—something we rely on daily to guide us through every situation?

Prayer: Not a Last Resort, but a Daily Guide

We’ve all been there. A crisis hits—financial trouble, a relationship breakdown, or perhaps a health scare—and we’re praying fervently, asking God for help. In those moments of desperation, we treat prayer like a lifeline, an SOS call to heaven. And, of course, God hears us. But what happens when the storm passes? Do we keep praying? Often, we don’t.

This is where the metaphor of the steering wheel comes in. Prayer isn’t just for the tough times—it’s meant to guide us daily through calm and stormy weather. Think about how a steering wheel operates. You don’t just grab it when you’re headed for a crash; you hold it tightly the entire journey, constantly adjusting your course, even if the road seems straight. Prayer should be the same. It should guide our decisions, help us navigate life’s challenges, and even keep us grounded when everything seems to go our way.

A Personal Journey: Learning to Pray Daily

Let me share a bit of my own story here. There was a time when I only prayed during difficult moments. If things were going smoothly, I would get caught up in the busyness of life and forget to thank God for all the good in my world. It wasn’t intentional, but looking back, it’s clear that I treated prayer like that spare tyre—something I pulled out when the wheels were falling off, but not something I relied on daily.

Everything changed during a particularly challenging season. I was facing a lot of uncertainty—transitioning out of the Army, trying to figure out the next steps in my career, and dealing with personal struggles all at once. It felt like everything was unravelling, and I prayed more than I ever had. But this time, something clicked. Instead of just using prayer to ask for help, I began using it to stay connected to God.

I started praying not just for solutions but also for guidance, clarity, and even the strength to face whatever was ahead. Over time, I noticed a shift in how I approached life’s challenges. I wasn’t just waiting for things to get tough to turn to God; I was walking with Him through every step. Prayer has become my steering wheel, and life has been beautiful since, despite the challenges.

Biblical Examples: Consistency in Prayer

The Bible is filled with examples of people who used prayer as their guiding force, not just in moments of crisis but throughout their daily lives. One of the most powerful examples comes from Daniel. He prayed consistently, even when it put his life in danger. Daniel didn’t just pray when he was about to be thrown into the lion’s den—he prayed three times a day, every day (Daniel 6:10). His relationship with God wasn’t just about asking for deliverance in an emergency; it was about maintaining that connection day in and day out.

Another great example is Jesus Himself. Despite the demands of His ministry, He regularly withdrew to quiet places to pray (Luke 5:16). Even though He was the Son of God, Jesus demonstrated the importance of consistent communication with the Father. If He needed that daily connection, how much more do we?

Practical Tips: Making Prayer Your Steering Wheel

So, how do we move from treating prayer as an emergency response to making it our steering wheel? Here are a few practical tips that have helped me:

Set Aside Daily Time: Consistency is key. Carve out time to pray every day, whether first thing in the morning, during your lunch break, or right before bed. It doesn’t have to be a long or complicated prayer. The important thing is to make it a habit.
Be Honest and Authentic: Sometimes, we don’t need the “perfect” words when praying. But God wants us to be real with Him. Whether you’re feeling joyful, anxious, or frustrated, bring those feelings to Him in prayer.
Pray for Guidance, Not Just Solutions: It’s easy to pray when we need something, but shift your focus toward asking for guidance and wisdom. This way, you invite God to walk you through every decision, not just when you need a way out.
Gratitude is a Form of Prayer: Don’t forget to acknowledge God when things are going well. Thank Him for the little and big things in your life. Gratitude keeps us humble and reminds us that every good thing comes from Him (James 1:17).

Final Thoughts: Keep Holding On

It’s easy to let prayer slip into the background when life is going smoothly, but the truth is, we need it just as much during the calm as we do during the storm. Think of prayer as your steering wheel, something you hold onto no matter where life takes you. When you make that shift, you’ll find yourself more grounded, connected, and prepared for whatever comes your way.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this! Have you ever found yourself treating prayer like a spare tyre? How do you stay consistent in your prayer life? Let’s discuss this in the comments below.

Until next time,
Abby

Breaking the Silence: My Battle with Mental Health

Trigger Warning: This post contains discussions about suicide and mental health struggles. If you or someone you know is in crisis, please reach out to a mental health professional or call a suicide prevention hotline.

Feelings of rejection can leave you questioning your worth and doubting your place in this world. In honour of Suicide Awareness Month, I want to share a part of my story—a chapter that I have kept hidden for far too long but one that I believe needs to be told.

I remember that day vividly; it wasn’t just a bad day—it felt like the culmination of rough years that seemed to stretch endlessly. On this particular day, I felt like I was carrying the world’s weight on my shoulders. The crushing feelings of loneliness, loss, rejection, and hopelessness seemed to all converge at once. I found myself lying alone in a hotel room, feeling utterly isolated. At that moment, the thought of ending my life crept in, not as a fleeting idea but as a seemingly viable solution to all the pain I was feeling. It terrified me that I was even considering it.

I’ve always had a relationship with God. He has been a source of strength for me through many trials. But during those dark years, I had unknowingly pushed Him to the back burner. I wasn’t leaning on Him or drawing from the well of faith that had sustained me before. Instead, I was consumed by my despair. In a desperate moment of clarity, I reached out—I texted two of my closest friends. Their words and love pulled me back from the edge that night, convincing me to hold on, even when I felt like letting go.

But the relief I felt was quickly replaced by a deep shame and guilt. How could I, someone who outwardly seemed so strong, ever have considered such a thing? I have struggled with this shame ever since, carrying it like an invisible scar. That day wasn’t the only time I battled with those thoughts, but it was the first time I truly understood how close I had come. And the memory of it still haunts me.

We live in a society where the ‘heavy stuff’ is often left undiscussed, swept under the rug as if ignoring it will make it disappear. In my culture, especially, conversations about mental health and suicide are almost taboo. We don’t talk about it because it makes people uncomfortable or perhaps because we’re taught to suffer in silence, to keep pushing forward without acknowledging our genuine pain.

But here’s the thing: the more we talk, the less heavy the burden becomes. By sharing our stories, we strip away the shame, stigma, and silence surrounding these struggles. We begin to see that we are not alone, that others have walked this path and survived. We start to understand that our worth is not determined by the moments when we feel broken, but by the courage, it takes to keep going, to reach out, and to heal.

The Importance of Speaking Up

According to the most recent data from the World Health Organization (2023), more than 700,000 people die by suicide every year—it’s a global crisis that knows no boundaries, affecting people of all ages, cultures, and backgrounds. In the United States alone, suicide is the 10th leading cause of death overall and the second leading cause among individuals aged 10 to 34 (National Institute of Mental Health, 2023). For every suicide, there are many more who contemplate or attempt to end their lives.

These numbers are staggering but also highlight the urgency of breaking the silence. We need to normalize conversations about mental health and create spaces where people feel safe to express their pain and seek help without judgment or fear. We must remember that reaching out for support is not a sign of weakness; it’s an act of courage.

How to Seek Help or Support Others

If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide or severe depression, it’s essential to know that there is help available. You don’t have to face this alone.

Call a Suicide Prevention Hotline: In the U.S., the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available 24/7 at 988. You can also contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or chat online at suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
Text a Helpline: If talking feels too difficult, text “HELLO” to 741741 to connect with a trained crisis counsellor through the Crisis Text Line.
Reach Out to Someone You Trust: Sometimes, talking to a friend, family member, or trusted colleague can make a huge difference. If you notice signs of distress in someone else, don’t be afraid to ask how they’re doing and let them know you’re there to support them.
Seek Professional Help: Therapists, counsellors, and psychiatrists can provide the support and tools needed to manage feelings of depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts. Many communities have local mental health centres or services that offer sliding scale fees or insurance coverage.

To Anyone Who Feels This Way: You Are Not Alone

If you are struggling, please know that you are not alone. Some people care, who want to help, and who will listen without judgment. Your life is valuable and worthy of love and light, even on your darkest days.

“I am bent, but not broken. I am scarred, but not disfigured. I am sad, but not hopeless. I am tired, but not powerless. I am angry, but not bitter. I am depressed, but not giving up.” — Anonymous

Encourage Open Conversations

Let’s work together to break the silence around mental health. Start by having open, honest conversations within your circles—whether with friends, family, or colleagues. Share your stories, listen without judgment, and offer support. By doing so, we can contribute to a culture of understanding and compassion where everyone feels safe to speak up. The more we talk, the less alone we feel, and the more we heal.

Your voice matters, and your story could be the lifeline someone else needs. Your story is significant, and it deserves to be heard. Share it, and let it make a difference.

Let’s continue to speak up, share our stories, and support one another.

References:

National Institute of Mental Health. (2023). Suicide Statistics. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/suicide

World Health Organization. (2023). Suicide worldwide in 2023: Global Health Estimates. https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/suicide

If you or someone you know is in crisis, reach out to a mental health professional, call a suicide prevention hotline, or text a friend or family member. You don’t have to face this alone.

Until next time,
Abby

Finding Purpose in Being a Beacon of Light

I always felt inherently different, like a calling woven into my being. Surrendering my pain and anger to God brought me back to who I am—a loving person made to reflect His light. Despite hardships, I refuse to be changed for the worse. I choose to forgive and be a light in the world.

I have always felt that God created me differently. We all hold that belief about ourselves, sensing something unique and extraordinary within us. But for me, it’s always felt so much more profound, almost like a calling that’s woven into the fabric of my being. I can’t fully articulate what I mean. Still, those who truly know me understand that this feeling goes beyond mere individuality—it’s an intrinsic part of my soul, something that has shaped my entire existence.

Recently, a friend asked me a question that made me reflect deeply. I answered without hesitation because I’ve become clear about who I am and what I stand for.

I do not wish harm on those who have hurt me. If we spend our lives waiting for others to suffer as we have, we only trap ourselves in an endless cycle of bitterness and pain. I’m not saying that the initial feelings of hurt and betrayal aren’t real; they are intense and, at times, all-consuming. They make us vulnerable to the devil’s whispers, tempting us to hold onto anger and seek revenge. For a while, I was lost in that darkness. I allowed those feelings to cloud my heart and mind and pull me away from the person I knew God created me to be.

But then, I chose to surrender it all to God. I laid my pain, anger, and confusion at His feet, and in return, He welcomed me back home with open arms. He reminded me of who I am—a wholesome, loving person who was made to reflect His light, not to be consumed by the shadows of this world.

I struggled with why bad things happen to good people for a long time. It’s a natural question, especially when you’ve poured kindness, grace, and love into someone only to be met with betrayal or cruelty. It’s easy to feel disillusioned, to ask, “Why me?” But I’ve realised that life isn’t always so black and white. It doesn’t matter if you’re good or bad; doing good does not make you immune to the hardships of this world. We live in a world that is broken and sinful, a world where everyone, in some way or another, will feel the sting of wrongdoing or the touch of evil. Yet, despite this reality, I refuse to let the actions of others change me for the worse. I will continue to be who I am, who God made me to be.

I will not allow what I’ve been through to harden my heart or make me cynical. Instead, I choose to keep praying for those who have hurt me. This is no easy task—it requires immense strength and humility, but I believe it is the right path. Who am I to judge, after all? I am far from perfect, and as much as I wish to think otherwise, I know I have been the antagonist in someone else’s story. I have been the villain, the one who caused pain or misunderstanding. Maybe that’s true for all of us in some way. But there is freedom in letting go, choosing peace over resentment, finding comfort in God’s love rather than human approval.

The other night, I stumbled upon a video that felt like a mirror to my soul. It explained who I am at my core in a way that resonated deeply with me. I realised that I don’t often give myself enough credit for the person I’ve become. So today, I will, not out of arrogance or pride but out of a genuine understanding and acceptance of myself and my impact on others. I frequently pray to be a light in someone’s life, to let God’s light shine through me in every encounter. Everything I do is done without ulterior motives, driven purely by the desire to reflect His love. The sincerity and purity of my heart are not of my own making but a testament to God’s work within me.

I know that embracing this truth is not about being perfect; it’s about recognising the unique role God has given me and stepping into it with confidence and humility. It’s about understanding that my journey, with all its ups and downs, has a purpose beyond what I can see. I was made to be different, love deeply, forgive freely, and be a beacon of light in a world that often feels so dark. And for that, I am deeply grateful.

So, I invite you to reflect on your journey. Is there someone you need to forgive or a part of yourself to reclaim? How can you be a light in someone else’s life today? Share your thoughts or experiences in the comments—I’d love to hear how you’re navigating these challenges uniquely.

Until next time,
Abby

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8JkC4QF/

Feedback from friends.

There is no Growth in Comfortability

Comfort restricts growth, while discomfort drives adaptation and growth. Overcoming fear and resistance through persistence is key. Practical tips include starting small, setting challenging goals, embracing failure, and seeking support.

The phrase “There is no growth in comfortability” speaks to the idea that personal and professional development often requires stepping out of our comfort zones. In this context, comfortability represents a state where things are predictable, safe, and routine—where challenges are minimal and risks are few. While this state of comfort can be appealing, it can also lead to stagnation. Comfort is confining. Comfort breeds complacency. Conversely, growth is about pushing boundaries, embracing discomfort, and facing the unknown.

“Growth and comfort do not coexist.” – Ginni Rometty

The Nature of Growth: Stepping Beyond the Familiar

Growth requires moving beyond what is familiar and comfortable. The comfort zone is a psychological state where a person feels at ease, in control, and free from stress or anxiety. It’s where routines and habits dominate, and risks are minimized. While this zone provides security and predictability, it also limits growth. Our experiences, skills, and perspectives remain stagnant when we stay within this zone. Growth demands we step outside this safe space into the unknown, where challenges and new experiences await.

Growth is fundamentally about change, and change rarely happens when we do the same things in the same ways. When we venture beyond what is familiar, we encounter new situations that require us to adapt, learn, and develop new skills. This process of adaptation is where growth happens. It might be uncomfortable, but it’s also where we discover our true potential.

For example, consider someone used to working in a specific role and excels in it. While they may continue to perform well, their growth plateaus because they are not challenged. By taking on a new project, learning a new skill, or moving to a different role, they face new challenges that force them to think differently, solve problems creatively, and build resilience—confronting the unfamiliar drives personal and professional development.

Discomfort as a Catalyst for Success

Discomfort acts as a catalyst for growth. When we are uncomfortable, our instincts push us to adapt. This adaptation might involve learning new skills, altering our mindset, or finding new ways to cope with challenges. Discomfort forces us to confront our limitations and pushes us to surpass them. In this way, discomfort is not just a byproduct of growth; it’s a necessary component.

Think of it like physical exercise. When you start a new workout routine, your muscles ache, and you feel tired—this is discomfort. However, this discomfort leads to stronger muscles and better fitness. Similarly, in life, the pain we feel when trying something new or difficult is what strengthens our character and capabilities. It’s that feeling we get when challenged by people closest to us.

Overcoming Fear and Resistance: The Power of Persistence

Fear and resistance are natural human responses to change, uncertainty, and potential failure. Fear often arises when faced with the unknown or when we perceive a threat to our well-being, whether physical, emotional, or social. Resistance, on the other hand, is the internal force that pushes back against change. The voice in our head says, “Stay where you are; it’s safer here.”

Fear and resistance are powerful because they tap into our instinctual desire for survival and security. They keep us within our comfort zones, where we feel controlled and protected. However, these forces also prevent us from taking risks, trying new things, and growing.

Persistence is the quality that enables us to continue pursuing our goals despite fear and resistance. It is the steady, determined effort to overcome obstacles and keep moving forward, even when the path is difficult, or the outcome is uncertain. Persistence is crucial because it helps us break through the barriers that fear and resistance create.

When we persist in the face of fear, we gradually diminish its power over us. Each time we take a step forward, we build courage and resilience despite our fears. Over time, what once seemed terrifying becomes manageable, and eventually, it may even become a source of strength.

Persistence also helps us overcome resistance by reinforcing our commitment to our goals. Resistance often manifests as procrastination, self-doubt, or excuses. By persistently taking action, even in small ways, we chip away at this resistance, proving that we are capable of more than we initially believed.

Consider the story of Noah from the Bible, who God instructed to build an ark to save his family and a remnant of all living creatures from the impending flood. At the time, Noah faced ridicule and disbelief from those around him. There was no visible sign of the flood, and building such a massive vessel on dry land seemed absurd to others. Noah followed God’s instructions despite the lack of evidence and constant criticism. His persistence was not based on what was immediately visible or logical to the world but on faith and obedience.

Noah’s unwavering commitment and determination in the face of opposition illustrate the power of persistence. Noah continued to build the ark, trusting that his efforts would ultimately fulfil a greater purpose. Success and fulfilment often come not from talent or immediate results but from the determination to keep going, even when the path is challenging, and the rewards are not yet visible.

Practical Tips for Embracing Discomfort and Achieving Growth

1. Start Small-Begin by stepping out of your comfort zone in small ways. Whether public speaking or learning a new skill, start small to build confidence.

2. Set Challenging Goals-Setting challenging, slightly out-of-reach goals pushes you to grow. Break these goals into smaller, manageable tasks.

3. Embrace Failure- Reframe failure as a learning opportunity. Keep a journal to track lessons learned from each failure, turning setbacks into growth.

4. Surround Yourself with Support- Find mentors or peers who encourage growth and provide support during uncomfortable times.

“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” – Neale Donald Walsch

Reflect on Growth

Reflect on an area of your life where fear or resistance is holding you back. Consider how you can apply the power of persistence, whether it’s a personal goal, a challenging project, or a problematic relationship. Take a step today—no matter how small—toward overcoming those fears. Commit to pressing on, even when the journey gets tough, and trust that your persistence will lead to growth and success. Write down one action you can take this week to move beyond your comfort zone and start making progress toward your goals.

Every day is a new opportunity to improve our lives. Don’t shy away from discomfort; embrace it.

Until next time,
Abby

Trusting God’s Plan: My Unexpected Army Discharge

Welcome to part two of the “God Writes Straight with Crooked Lines” series.

In the previous post, I discussed my unexpected injury, which led to my ultimate discharge from the Army. I mentioned that when I enlisted, I intended to serve twenty years. If our plans do not align with the Lord’s intention, they will never play out as we expect.

Picture a street parade with all the floats and entertainment coming by in a single procession. You can only see as far as your eyes can see. Now, think of God having a bird’s-eye view of that parade. Life is like this parade. We can see only so much, but God sees it all—from the beginning to the end.

For four weeks after my injury, I was placed on bed rest. I was in crippling pain. I wanted to reach inside my back and pull the nerves out. The pain was unlike anything I had ever felt. I could barely walk. The medications I was on were not working. My world was falling apart. In my tent back in Kuwait, while everyone slept at night, I lay awake writhing in pain. During the days when they went out to work, I tried to sleep. Everything was backward for me. I was a mess.

One night, the pain got so bad I lay on the floor because it was the only thing that brought some form of relief. The hard, cold stone pressed against my back gave enough support to take some weight off my back. I can’t remember exactly when I got my friend, Pete, to take me to the emergency room that night, but I knew I had to go. I could not survive on the medications I had. So, Pete and two other guys I had formed a friendship with during the deployment borrowed this busted-up truck from our motor pool and drove me to the emergency room.

Looking back, I can laugh hysterically about the entire experience. This truck was big, loud, dirty, and ugly! Now, picture me, who could barely walk at the time, being carried out and trying to get into a truck with a female half my height because the men weren’t allowed in our barracks. Thankfully, the ER was close by. The doctor on call told me there was only one thing left for them to try to help with the pain: ketamine. My knowledge of ketamine at the time was that it is a horse tranquilliser. At that time, I was about 160 lbs. They dosed me, and for the first time in my life, I hallucinated. I saw a kaleidoscope of colours floating in front of my eyes; I had visions while wide awake. I was floating. I was disassociated. I sang “Like I Loved You” because country music was a comfort even in a dissociative state, and it so happened to be playing on the radio. I was a goner! It was a comically horrible experience.

They did not keep me overnight, and once it was safe for me to leave, my three friends got me into that fitful truck. Once again, Pete carried me on her back to my bed once we got back to our barracks. I think I slept that night. To this day, Pete is an angel sent from God himself. I met her, and we instantly connected. Not only was she a fellow Jamaican, but we got each other. I would have never gotten through without her. Thank you to Espinal, Rahman, Simms, Mack, Morales, and Martinez. Captain Gerjoi and Lieutenant Bailey-my amazing doctors. Thank you. Thank you for getting me through. For making me laugh through the pain, keeping up with me, and just being there even after I was medevaced out. Thank you!

I volunteered for that deployment because I needed a change. I wanted to get away. Never would I have imagined the complete 180 my life would have taken. My ordeal changed me. It tested my limits physically, emotionally, and spiritually. The journey from then until now has been transformative, turning pain into strength and uncertainty into a renewed sense of purpose.

This experience has shown me that our plans are often just a starting point. The true path is revealed through trials and unexpected turns, guiding us to places we never imagined. As I look to the future, I carry these lessons, embracing the unknown with confidence and faith.

The Power of Faith and Support

During those nights in Kuwait, I often questioned why this happened to me. Why was I in so much pain? Why did my career have to end this way? It was during these moments that my faith was tested the most. I prayed for strength, relief, and understanding. Slowly, I realised that this experience was shaping me in ways I couldn’t have imagined. It taught me resilience, patience, and the importance of relying on a support system.

Embracing the Unexpected

My injury forced me to slow down and reevaluate my life. It made me appreciate the small victories, like walking a few steps without pain or having a good night’s sleep. These were things I had taken for granted before. I also discovered new passions and interests that I might never have explored if I had continued my military career as planned. I started focusing on my education (associate’s degree completed after five long years and bachelor’s in the works to be completed next May) and family and finding new ways to contribute to my community.

Looking Ahead with Hope

As I prepare to transition to civilian life, I am filled with hope and anticipation. My journey has been far from easy, but it has been gratifying. I have learned that while we cannot control everything that happens to us, we can control how we respond. I choose to face the future with optimism and faith, knowing that God’s plan for me is far greater than anything I could have envisioned.

This is just the beginning of my story. Thank you for joining me in this series. Stay tuned for more reflections on the unexpected paths that lead us to our true purpose.

Until next time,
Abby

Navigating Life’s Challenges: My Unexpected Journey of Resilience and Growth

Abby’s life took a turn in March 2022 when a back injury led to her medical discharge from the Army. Despite initial struggles and disappointment, she found purpose in her pain and embraced change. She appreciates the support of family, friends, and faith and looks forward to new opportunities. Abby also plans to share insights from her journey in future posts.

Two years ago, the trajectory of my life changed.

It was an early morning in March 2022, and I had just completed a physical fitness test in the scorching Kuwaiti heat. All was well until I tried to stand up after having breakfast some minutes later. I felt a searing pain in my lower back that stopped me dead in my tracks. I could not stand to my full height or sit back down. I was stuck. After many bouts of physical therapy, pain management, surgery, and everything you can think of, the Army has found me unfit for duty, and I will be medically discharged because I am not getting better.

I knew this would be the result, and while I had time to prepare and accept the decision, I can’t say that I am not a little disappointed. When I enlisted, I did so with the intention of doing twenty years. My injury prevented me from completing my first contract—five out of six years. Two have been spent in a Soldier Recovery Unit, away from my friends and family. I mourn the loss of a career I did not have a chance to explore and get to know my true potential. I mourn being unable to lead and help set the standards for women like me. I mourn the people I will leave behind.

The journey from then until now has not been easy. In the beginning, I was so angry, lost, depressed, and feeling sorry for myself. Over time, with the help of my faith, therapy, support from friends and family, and simply changing my outlook, I have found purpose in my pain. Don’t get me wrong; there are days when the pain is still so crippling that it feels like my body is working against me. Instead of letting the pain define me, I choose to be in control.

The person I am now is not the same person I was before my injury. I have changed for the better. I have grown, and I have learned so much that may not have happened had I not gotten hurt. I have met people who have made a lasting impact on my life. I have been focused on school, family, a career, and my future from here on out. I have never been more ready and confident to face the unknown.

Reflecting on this unexpected journey, I realize that life is a series of events, many of which we cannot control. The military deepened my resilience, discipline, and the importance of teamwork. These lessons are now more relevant than ever as I navigate this new chapter of my life. The skills I acquired during my service are transferable, and I am eager to apply them in new ways. I’ve discovered new passions and interests I might never have pursued without my injury.

My family and friends have been my rock throughout this ordeal. Their unwavering support has reminded me that I am not alone in this journey. My faith has also been a guiding light, giving me the strength to persevere and find meaning in my struggles. Each day is a testament to the power of faith, love, and determination.

Looking ahead, I am filled with anticipation and excitement. The path before me is uncharted, but it is also filled with endless possibilities. I am committed to making the most of every opportunity and to continuing my journey of growth and self-discovery. The experiences I have gained, the lessons I have learned, and the people I have met along the way have all contributed to shaping the person I am today.

In the coming posts, I will delve deeper into specific aspects of my journey, sharing insights and lessons learned. From coping with physical pain to finding new career paths, from the importance of mental health to the power of community, I hope to provide valuable perspectives that resonate with others facing similar challenges.

I want to express my heartfelt gratitude to my care team at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center, Fort Belvoir, and my civilian providers.
Thank you for joining me on this journey.

Together, we can navigate the twists and turns of life, finding strength in our shared experiences and hope in the promise of tomorrow. Stay tuned for more.

With gratitude,
Abby

Understanding Forgiveness: The Journey to Spiritual Renewal and Healing

Amid a difficult breakup, the writer confronts the challenge of true forgiveness. Through introspection and spiritual renewal, they realize the superficiality of their forgiveness and its impact on their relationships. Drawing from personal and religious insights, they acknowledge forgiveness as an ongoing process and share practical strategies for cultivating it.

Introspection is humbling but, at the same time, freeing.

A few months ago, I went through a breakup. I took it badly. Amid it, he told me he couldn’t forgive and forget, and I took it personally because I thought it was the opposite for me. I believed I had forgiven and forgotten. I was being a hypocrite. Using terms such as “you always” or “you never” indicates we have not forgiven. I was guilty of using these words. As much as I wanted to tell myself otherwise, how we truly feel on the inside always comes out when emotions are heightened. I had not forgiven. At least he was honest about how he felt. Kudos to him.

As I am on this journey of spiritual renewal, there are moments when I am hit by thoughts that leave me with no choice but to examine them deeply. This most recent one is forgiveness. I came across a book, “Forgiving What You Can’t Forget” by Lysa TerKeurst, and I immediately purchased it. Seeing the title instantly made me realise that I was struggling with forgiveness and that to be free from the hurt I was feeling, I needed to let go.

Before that, I thought I was leading by example and doing what God asks of us—praying for those who hurt us—and believe me, I have prayed. After realising my struggle, I asked myself, were those prayers a show, knowing that my heart harboured resentment towards that person, or were they sincere? Like I said earlier, introspection is very humbling.

One specific experience stands out. I remember an argument where my ex said something hurtful, and I retaliated by bringing up his past mistakes when I spoke about it with my friends. While I may not have said it to him specifically, it was clear then that my forgiveness was superficial. Instead of addressing the underlying hurt, I used it as ammunition. This realisation was painful but necessary for my growth.

There are many references in the Bible where God tells us to forgive. After all, the most outstanding example of forgiveness was God sending Jesus to die for our sins. How can I, a mere human, refuse to forgive those around me? Who am I to judge? I know how much it hurts, but when we hold on to feelings of betrayal, anger, hurt, pride, and defeat, they only fuel the fire of unforgiveness.

I have learned that forgiveness is a process. It’s ongoing. It’s intentional. It’s easy to say we forgive, but the key is doing the work afterwards and knowing how to navigate the emotions that arise when we are triggered positively. It’s knowing how not to secretly want the other person to hurt in the way that they hurt you. It’s knowing what it means to let go genuinely. That, my friends, is what it means to be intentional. I won’t lie. It’s hard. However, our wounds never heal when we hold on to all the negative feelings. Whenever a memory surfaces, and we view it from an earthly perspective, we inflict more damage on that wound, and it never heals.

“But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Matthew 6:15. There are so many times I have asked for our Father’s forgiveness, knowing that I have unforgiveness in my heart. Abby, be so for real!

I also realised that my inability to forgive had caused other relationships to fall apart. I said I forgave, but at the slightest inconvenience, I either threw it back in their faces or took it out on them in some other way. For instance, I often withdraw or become passive-aggressive with friends when old wounds are unintentionally reopened.

Here are a few practical strategies that have helped me cultivate forgiveness in my daily life:

Prayer and Meditation: These practices help center my thoughts and remind me of the bigger picture. They connect me with peace and purpose beyond my immediate emotions.
Mindfulness: Staying present helps me avoid ruminating on past hurts. It keeps me focused on the here and now, where I have the power to change my responses. When memories of betrayal overwhelm me, I take time to pray and meditate, which helps me bring about a feeling of calmness to see the situation with compassion rather than anger.
Seeking Counsel: Talking to a trusted friend or therapist can provide new perspectives and help me navigate complex emotions.
Practising Empathy: Seeing the situation from the other person’s perspective can soften my heart and open the door to forgiveness.

In addition to the Bible, various other traditions offer valuable insights on forgiveness. For example, Buddhist teachings emphasise releasing attachment to anger and resentment. They advocate for compassion towards oneself and others, recognising that everyone is on a path of growth and learning. Similarly, many Indigenous cultures view forgiveness as a communal act essential for restoring harmony and balance within the community.

Forgiveness is not about condoning hurtful actions but about freeing ourselves from the chains of resentment. It’s about healing and moving forward with a lighter heart. As I continue this journey, I strive to embrace forgiveness as a concept and a daily practice, one step at a time.

Until next time,
Abby