I didn’t need a party, a cake, or a crowd to feel celebrated this year. What I needed—what I gave myself—was space. Space to breathe, to wander, to listen to the rhythm of my own heart without interruption. From the quiet of Bowman’s Tower to the echoing songs of Ringing Rocks, every step of my solo birthday escape whispered, ‘You are becoming. And that is worth honouring.’
I never imagined I’d spend my birthday completely alone, not in the sad, lonely way, but in the free, expansive, soul-hugging way that only solitude can offer. This year, I gave myself a gift: time, quiet, and beauty. Just me, the golden leaves of early October, and a heart wide open.
Day 1: Stepping Into Stillness
I arrived in New Hope just after noon, the sleepy streets lined with changing leaves and cosy shops. My first stop was Bowman’s Hill Tower. The elevator was out of service, but I surprised myself by climbing all the stairs to the top. At the summit, I stood in awe. The view stretched endlessly. I felt the weight of my own growth. The kind you don’t always notice until you’re standing still, high above the chaos of everyday life. I stood there, breathless and smiling, soaking in a panoramic view that made the climb (and the year leading up to this moment) worth it.
Checking into my sweet Yardley Airbnb felt like entering a cosy novel. I let the quiet sink in. Later, I made my way to Continental Tavern for dinner, where the warm lighting and murmurs of conversation made me feel both unseen and safely held. That night, I toasted myself with a glass of wine, danced barefoot in my PJs, and whispered a quiet “thank you” for the journey so far.
Alone. At peace. Grateful.
Day 2: Birthday Joy in Motion
The morning light felt like a birthday blessing. I spent time with God, then got ready for the day. I wandered through New Hope again, this time with no rush. I had wine and light bites at Nektar Wine Bar.
Crossing into Lambertville, I let my feet guide me. No itinerary. No pressure. I window-shopped, smiled at strangers, and admired the canal’s stillness. As the sun dipped low, I returned to Yardley for dinner at Vault Brewing. Sitting there, hearing the laughter of nearby tables, I didn’t feel alone—I felt whole. This birthday wasn’t extravagant, but it was mine. Every second of it.
Day 3: Rocks That Ring and Quiet Retreats
I had breakfast at Pretty Bird Café, then took a leisurely stroll around the area. I visited Panna and picked up a few sweet treats for later. Then I drove through winding roads to Upper Black Eddy and checked into my next Airbnb, a peaceful spot nestled in nature’s quiet. It felt like a transition point. The drive there was filled with reflection. It was a shift from celebration to contemplation.
Later, I drove to Ringing Rocks Park and spent the afternoon walking among boulders that literally sing when struck. Nature has its poetry, and that day, it was loud and clear.
Dinner was takeout from The Narrows. I wrapped up the evening with a movie, warm socks, and snacks. My heart felt quiet and filled.
Day 4: Riding into My Next Chapter
My final morning began with the New Hope Railroad. I booked a first-class ride on the Lahaska line, complete with a mimosa and warm pretzel. Riding through the fall foliage felt symbolic, like I was quietly celebrating the journey I’d taken to get here. The train creaked along slowly, and I stared out the window, tears welling in my eyes, not from sadness, but from the depth of appreciation.
Before heading home, I stopped by Washington Crossing Historic Park to wander through the exhibits. As I made my way back home, it felt like I had gathered pieces of myself from every stop.
Closing Thoughts
There’s something powerful about choosing yourself. Something about intentionally creating space to reflect, celebrate, and reset. This solo birthday wasn’t extravagant. It was rich. Every sip of wine, every crunchy leaf underfoot, every silent moment under the sky felt like a love letter to the woman I’m becoming. This trip was more than a birthday celebration. It was a love letter to the parts of me that needed rest, recognition, and renewal. Each place I visited offered a mirror: the tower reminding me of my strength, the railroad inviting me to trust the journey, the ringing rocks reminding me that even the hard things can sing.
If you’ve never taken yourself on a solo trip, I highly recommend it. Even just a few days can change everything. You deserve to witness your own unfolding.
Question for You: Have you ever taken a solo birthday trip or retreat? What did it teach you about yourself? What would it look like to carve out space to celebrate you—on your terms?
With a grateful heart, Abby
View from Bowman’s TowerThe night before 30Nektar Wine BarLambertville,NJPretty Bird CoffeePannaLoved this AirBnb in Upper Black EddyRinging RocksCocktail menu on the Lahaska LimitedMimosaNew Hope RailroadWashington Crossing Pamphlet Pure blissNJ/PA BorderPeace
After stepping away from writing for a while, I found myself stirred by God to return and share what He’s been teaching me. This post is a reflection on faith, surrender, and the courage it takes to step into your calling. If you’ve ever struggled with self-doubt or felt unworthy of God’s blessings, this is for you. It’s a gentle but bold reminder: you are seen, you are chosen, and it’s your time to receive fully and unapologetically.
It has been quite some time since I last posted. I lost all the passion I had for writing, but I kept the page active in the hope that it would still reach and impact those who might come across it. Today, something stirred in my spirit, and I hopped back on to share a few insights. I hope they speak to your heart.
Saying “yes” to God requires dying to the flesh and surrendering your own desires, comforts, and even your fears. God knows exactly when and how to get our attention. And while the road hasn’t always been smooth, I can say with full confidence that I have no regrets. This has been the most beautiful and transformative journey I’ve ever walked.
This post is for the one who has dimmed their light so others can shine. For the one who feels more comfortable on the sidelines than in the spotlight. For the one who has accepted mediocrity because excellence felt too heavy. For the giver who forgets how to receive. For the one who’s afraid to step into all God has called them to be.
For a long time, I thought God had forgotten me. I thought my prayers were unanswered and that I would always be the one left with the short end of the stick. But, friend, that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Psalm 34:18 reminds us, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
And in Deuteronomy 31:8 and Hebrews 13:5, we are reminded that He will never leave us nor forsake us. In our highest highs and lowest lows, God is there.
So, what does this have to do with dimming our light?
When you never put yourself first, whether out of humility or fear, you begin to lose the boldness to receive when God declares it’s your turn. Years of timidity and self-shrinking conceal the very person God created you to be. And make no mistake, Satan thrives in our unawareness. The less we know about who we are and what we carry, the easier it is for him to distract and deter us.
A beautiful sister in Christ and fantastic mentor reminded me today: Be unapologetic about receiving what God has in store for you. Step boldly.
That moment awakened something in me.
As she spoke, I saw myself like a turtle, retreating into its shell. Turtles do this for protection from predators, as a defence mechanism, or to conserve energy, only sticking my head out to test the waters. But a turtle can’t get where it needs to go if it stays in the shell. That’s how I’ve approached God’s blessings: cautiously, with one foot in, one foot out. That ends today.
To whoever needs this: It’s your time. Receive it. Walk in it.
I’ll relay the words that were spoken over me today: Let the Lion of Judah rise within you. Forget the voices of the naysayers and fix your focus on the One who called you. Let Him free your mind from the guilt of wanting more for yourself. Let Him break the chains of mental strongholds and self-doubt.
“The enemy comes to steal and kill and destroy.” John 10:10
Don’t let him steal what’s already yours. Don’t let him convince you that blessings aren’t for you. Don’t let him win. You’ve fought too hard, prayed too long, cried too many tears. You carry oil that came at a cost. It’s yours and no one else’s.
So, I ask you: Will you squander the blessings when they come, or will you partner with the Holy Spirit and steward them well? The choice is yours. But I pray that today, something shifts inside you, just as it did in me. I pray that this message reaches those who need it most.
I pray it frees your mind, renews your boldness, and reminds you of this simple truth: You are called. You are chosen. And yes, you are ready.
The Advent series concludes with a reflection on love, emphasising its divine nature, exemplified by Jesus’s birth. True love is derived from God and challenges worldly definitions.
When I decided to do an Advent series, I realised it would summarise everything I had discussed since starting this blog. I won’t go in-depth to end the series because I already have a post dedicated to the last theme: love.
I went to church on Christmas day, and during his homily, the priest said something that stuck with me. I can’t recall precisely who he quoted, but he said that Jesus’s birth and life were God’s love personified. I felt such comfort after hearing it.
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. -John 3:16
We probably all know John 3:16. It has been imprinted in my brain since childhood. Jesus’ birth fulfilled God’s promise of a Saviour. I want you to picture someone filled with so much love for you that they would give you something so precious to them for your sake. Is that not beautiful to think about? God sets the standard for what love truly is. It comes as no surprise that love is a fruit of the Spirit. In fact, these last two weeks’ themes of peace and joy are also gifts of the Spirit. God is so intentional.
We have the world’s definition of what these three things should be, but they will never come close to what God intended them to be for us. Without the knowledge of God, I can guarantee that we only grasp fleetingly what we think love, joy, and peace are.
That said, here is the love God calls us to embody.
How can you show God’s love to someone today? Let me know in the comments below.
Love and faith are intertwined risks that require vulnerability, yet they offer profound fulfilment. Both can lead to personal growth, deeper connections, and a meaningful life. Avoiding these risks might shield us from pain but also deprive us of joy and richness. Embracing love and faith enriches our lives despite uncertainties.
Love and faith—two of the most powerful forces in life, yet both involve stepping into the unknown. At their core, love and faith are both risks. They ask us to open our hearts, to trust in something beyond ourselves, and to give without guarantees of what we’ll receive in return. But why are love and faith so intertwined with risk, and why are they worth embracing despite the potential for disappointment?
The Risk of Love: Opening Your Heart Without Guarantees
What if the two things that could bring the most fulfilment to your life—love and faith—were also the riskiest decisions you’ll ever make?
To love someone, whether it’s a partner, friend, or family member, requires vulnerability. Love isn’t just about the romantic gestures or the warm feelings we get when things are going well. It’s about offering your heart to someone else with no certainty about how it will be treated. We’ve all heard the saying, “Love is a risk,” but what does that really mean?
When we love someone, we risk being hurt, misunderstood or let down. There’s always the chance that the love we give won’t be returned in the way we hope, or that the person we love will change or walk away, leaving us with wounds and heartache. But despite these risks, we continue to love. Why? Because love, even with all its uncertainties, brings immense beauty, joy, and connection into our lives.
The Risk of Faith: Trusting What You Cannot See
Just like love, faith requires a deep sense of trust. But while love is often directed toward other people, faith is rooted in trusting something greater than ourselves—whether it’s God, a higher purpose, or the belief that everything will work out in the end. And this, too, is a risk.
Faith asks us to believe in things we cannot see and to trust in promises that haven’t yet come to pass. It’s the risk of stepping out into the unknown, of following a path when the outcome isn’t clear. Hebrews 11:1 defines faith as “confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” But let’s be honest—living by faith isn’t always easy. It’s often filled with doubts, waiting, and the fear that things won’t turn out the way we planned.
Faith doesn’t come with guarantees. There are moments when you’ll wonder if your prayers are being heard and if the promises you’re holding onto will ever be fulfilled. You risk disappointment, delay, and confusion. But just as with love, the risk of faith is outweighed by the potential for transformation.
Love and Faith: Why They’re Both Worth the Risk
So, why take the risk of love and faith? Why put your heart on the line for something that might let you down? Because, despite the uncertainties, love and faith are the two wings that lift our lives, allowing us to soar above the ordinary and touch the heights of joy, connection, and purpose.
1. Love and faith are like fertile soil that grows resilience.
Love and faith are not just feelings; they are growth experiences. They stretch us beyond our comfort zones, making us stronger and more compassionate. Love, like a plant reaching for sunlight, grows through patience, kindness, and the ability to weather the sunshine and the storms. Faith, like roots pushing deep into the earth, builds a foundation of strength and resilience, especially when the winds of life are rough. In the end, we stand taller and stronger than before.
2. They create connections as rivers carve their way through valleys.
Love and faith are not just personal experiences; they are about connection. Love connects us deeply with others, forging relationships that are like rivers winding their way through valleys, nourishing the landscape of our lives. Faith connects us to God, offering peace and direction like a lighthouse guiding us home through the fog. Together, they weave bonds that sustain us through trials, bringing moments of stillness and clarity in a chaotic world.
3. They make life feel more vivid and meaningful, like stepping into full colour.
Without love and faith, life can feel like a series of greys and muted tones. Love and faith bring colour and dimension, filling life with purpose, joy, and depth. Love paints our days in vibrant hues of connection and warmth, while faith adds depth and shadows that shape our understanding of who we are and why we’re here. Together, they create a masterpiece, showing us life’s beauty in all its fullness.
By embracing the risks of love and faith, we’re invited into a richly textured and deeply felt life—a life that, despite its uncertainties, offers rewards that are well worth the journey.
The Dangers of Avoiding the Risks
Choosing not to love or not to have faith might protect us from pain in the short term, but it comes with its own consequences. When we refuse to risk love, we build walls around our hearts. We might keep the hurt out, but we also keep out the joy, fulfilment, and deep connection that love brings. Similarly, when we refuse to have faith, we limit ourselves to what we can control, missing out on the peace and possibilities that come with trusting something greater than ourselves.
It’s like living in a fortress. You’re safe from the storms but also cut off from the beauty of the world outside. Avoiding risk may keep you comfortable, but it also keeps you from fully experiencing life’s greatest blessings.
How to Embrace the Risks of Love and Faith
Be open to vulnerability: Loving and having faith both require vulnerability. You must be willing to open your heart, trust, and accept that you don’t have control over everything. It’s okay to feel afraid but don’t let that fear keep you from experiencing the beauty of love and faith.
Let go of perfection: Neither love nor faith requires perfection. You don’t have to be perfect in your relationships or in your spiritual journey. The important thing is showing up, doing your best, and allowing yourself to learn and grow along the way.
Lean on community: Both love and faith flourish when a supportive community surrounds us. Build relationships with people who encourage you to love deeply and live faithfully. In times of doubt, those relationships can help strengthen your resolve.
Trust the process: Both love and faith require patience and endurance. There will be moments when you want to give up because the journey feels too difficult or the outcome too uncertain. Trust that the process shapes you into a stronger, more compassionate person.
Conclusion: The Rewards of Risk
Love and faith are not for the faint of heart. They ask us to take chances, to trust without guarantees, and to give of ourselves even when it’s hard. But the risks are worth it. When we choose to love, we experience the fullness of human connection. When we choose to have faith, we find peace and purpose even in the face of uncertainty.
The greatest blessings in life often come when we step out of our comfort zones and embrace the unknown. So, take the risk. Love deeply. Believe fiercely. The rewards are greater than any fear that may hold you back.
Reflection Questions:
In what areas do you hesitate to risk love or faith?
How can you embrace vulnerability in your relationships and faith journey?
What is one step you can take today to open yourself up to the risks of love or faith?
Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below. Let’s support each other in taking these beautiful risks!
The essence of love extends beyond feelings; it involves intentional actions rooted in selflessness and understanding. Breaking down 1 Corinthians 13 reveals true love encompasses patience, kindness, and forgiveness. Effective communication and adapting to one’s partner’s love language are vital, fostering deeper connection and ensuring both partners feel valued and fulfilled.
One of the most challenging yet transformative lessons I’ve had to learn is the true nature of love. Love isn’t just about feelings; it’s an intentional, often sacrificial act that requires a deeper understanding of ourselves and our partners. For me, breaking down 1 Corinthians 13 was the key to this realisation. I came across a sermon that left my eyes wide open. It’s linked below.
1 Corinthians 13: A Blueprint for Love in Relationships
In 1 Corinthians 13, the Apostle Paul offers a profound description of love. He writes, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” These verses are often quoted at weddings, but they hold even more meaning when applied to the complexities of day-to-day relationships. True love isn’t just about grand gestures or romantic moments; it’s about showing patience, kindness, humility, and forgiveness when things get tough.
When we measure our relationships against these qualities, we realise how much we still have to learn. I thought I knew what love was, but I didn’t fully understand the selflessness it requires—loving someone for who they are, not just for how they make me feel.
Loving Your Partner the Way They Want to Be Loved
One of the biggest misconceptions in relationships is that love comes naturally and that we should automatically know how to love one another. While certain things like respect, kindness, and consideration are fundamental, the truth is that we’re not mind readers. What one person considers love might not align with their partner’s needs or expectations. This is why it’s crucial to love your partner how they want to be loved, not just how you prefer to show love.
This was a hard lesson for me to learn. I used to believe that my way of expressing love—through acts of service and words of affirmation—was enough. I would cook meals, offer encouraging words, and assume I was doing everything right. But I wasn’t asking my partner what they needed from me. They craved quality time and physical touch, which I often neglected because I was focused on showing love my way, not their way. We tend to assume our love language is universal, but it’s not. Love requires communication—ask your partner what makes them feel valued, seen, and cherished, and then act on that.
“Ask, and you shall receive.” This principle applies not just to prayer but also to relationships. When you express your needs clearly and ask your partner how they feel loved, you open the door to a deeper, more fulfilling connection. And when both people know better, they can do better.
Pitfalls of Miscommunication and Assumptions
Miscommunication is one of the biggest relationship pitfalls. We often make assumptions about what our partner should know or feel without ever expressing it clearly. I learned this the hard way when I felt hurt by something my partner did, yet I never told them why. I expected them to “just know” they had upset me. But when we leave our feelings unsaid, we create space for resentment to grow.
In relationships, it’s essential to avoid making assumptions. Assuming our partner can read our minds, we set ourselves up for disappointment. Likewise, thinking we know what they need without asking can lead to unmet expectations and hurt feelings. Clear communication is the foundation of love—it’s not about being right but understanding each other better.
The Importance of Communication: Learning to Love Better
I also used to believe that I was doing everything right if my intentions were good. But the truth is, we all have shortcomings in our love, and we only recognize them when we allow God to search and purify our hearts. For me, this was a turning point. When I asked God to reveal areas where I could grow, He showed me that while I wasn’t wrong in my approach, there was much more to learn. He “clocked” me, as they say!
It’s not that I didn’t know love, but I didn’t fully grasp what it truly entails—the ongoing work, the humility, the grace.
A Thin Line Between Love and Hate
When love is used as a bargaining tool, it becomes transactional, and this conditional approach can lead to deep emotional pain when the “rules” of love are broken. Love, by nature, is supposed to be a safe space where trust, vulnerability, and mutual care thrive. However, when someone uses love to manipulate or control, it creates an imbalance of power, shifting the relationship into a fragile space where affection is given and withheld as leverage. This leads directly to the concept of “a thin line between love and hate.” The shift from love to hate can be rapid when one feels betrayed or used, as the emotional investment in love is high, making any breach of trust or manipulation feel like a deep personal wound.
It hurts so much when these rules are broken because genuine love is built on trust and openness. When that foundation is shattered, the emotional fallout is a betrayal of our most intimate feelings. The line between love and hate becomes thinner when expectations aren’t met, or love is taken advantage of, turning once beautiful emotions into resentment. The hurt runs deep because, in a sense, we expect love to be unconditional, and when it’s not, it feels like a rejection of the very essence of who we are.
Be careful not to view love as a bargain. Give it freely without expecting anything in return.
Putting It Into Practice: The Journey of Loving Better
In my own life, learning this lesson wasn’t easy. I fell victim to worldly patterns—keeping score or retreating into pride. But I’ve found that when I love according to God’s standards, the peace and growth that follow are far more rewarding.
Here are some practical steps I’ve learned through my journey to love more intentionally:
Ask, don’t assume. Take time to ask your partner how they feel most loved and heard. You’ll be surprised how much more connected you feel when you love them in ways that resonate with them. Example: If your partner feels loved through quality time, plan a date night where you’re fully present. Leave the phone behind, engage in meaningful conversation, and show them their time matters to you.
Practice humility. Pride often blocks true intimacy. When disagreements arise, pause and ask yourself if you’re more focused on being right or loving. Example: In moments of conflict, instead of reacting immediately, take a breath and respond with empathy. Ask your partner how they feel and tell them you care about their emotions.
Forgive as God forgives. Don’t keep score or hold grudges. Love doesn’t keep a record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:5), and neither should we. If we want to experience God’s grace in our relationships, we must extend that same grace to our partner. Example: The next time your partner makes a mistake, address the issue at hand instead of bringing up past hurts with a clean slate. Approach it from a place of love and understanding.
Check in regularly. Love is not a one-time decision; it’s an ongoing commitment. Make it a habit to check in with your partner about how things are going and whether their needs are being met. Example: Set aside a weekly or monthly time to discuss your relationship. Ask open-ended questions like, “How can I support you better?” or “Is there anything we can work on together?”
The World vs. God’s Definition of Love
In today’s culture, we’re often taught to keep score, be petty, and “get even” when we feel wronged. Social media encourages the idea that relationships should be easy, and if they’re not, it’s time to move on. But God’s definition of love is radically different. In Mark 12:31, Jesus teaches us that the greatest commandment is to love—love unconditionally, love sacrificially, and love without keeping a record of wrongs.
God doesn’t hold our sins against us. When Jesus died on the cross, He paid the ransom for all our mistakes, giving us a fresh start. If God can forgive us completely, we can extend that same forgiveness and grace to those we love. This isn’t about ignoring boundaries or tolerating abuse; it’s about choosing to love with the same grace we’ve been given. Forgiveness is not just an act but a crucial element in our relationships, allowing us to love more deeply and unconditionally.
Conclusion: Learning to Love with Intention
Learning to love better is a journey, not a destination. It requires constant self-reflection, communication, and a willingness to grow. When we align our love with God’s definition—patient, kind, humble, and forgiving—we improve our relationships and experience deeper intimacy and fulfilment.
Remember these key takeaways:
Love your partner how they want to be loved. Ask them directly what makes them feel cherished.
Communicate openly. Don’t assume your partner knows what you need or how you think—express it.
Forgive freely. Don’t keep score; approach your partner with grace and understanding.
Keep learning. Relationships evolve, and so should your approach to love. It’s essential to adapt to changes in a relationship. Regularly check in with your partner to grow together. By following these principles, we can transform our relationships from transactional love to intentional love—the kind that reflects God’s grace and brings true fulfilment.
Reflection Questions
Take a few moments to reflect on your relationships:
What is your love language, and have you communicated it to your partner?
How do you show love in your relationships, and does it align with how your partner wants to be loved?
What assumptions have you made in the past that may have led to miscommunication? How can you address these moving forward?
Call to Action
Have you ever experienced a breakthrough in your relationship by asking your partner what they need instead of assuming? Share your story in the comments below! Let’s learn from each other and grow together in love.
Love Language Quiz
If you’re unsure of your love language, take this quick quiz to discover how you and your partner can best show and receive love. Understanding your love language can strengthen your relationship and bring joy and connection to your daily lives.
Abby’s life took a turn in March 2022 when a back injury led to her medical discharge from the Army. Despite initial struggles and disappointment, she found purpose in her pain and embraced change. She appreciates the support of family, friends, and faith and looks forward to new opportunities. Abby also plans to share insights from her journey in future posts.
Two years ago, the trajectory of my life changed.
It was an early morning in March 2022, and I had just completed a physical fitness test in the scorching Kuwaiti heat. All was well until I tried to stand up after having breakfast some minutes later. I felt a searing pain in my lower back that stopped me dead in my tracks. I could not stand to my full height or sit back down. I was stuck. After many bouts of physical therapy, pain management, surgery, and everything you can think of, the Army has found me unfit for duty, and I will be medically discharged because I am not getting better.
I knew this would be the result, and while I had time to prepare and accept the decision, I can’t say that I am not a little disappointed. When I enlisted, I did so with the intention of doing twenty years. My injury prevented me from completing my first contract—five out of six years. Two have been spent in a Soldier Recovery Unit, away from my friends and family. I mourn the loss of a career I did not have a chance to explore and get to know my true potential. I mourn being unable to lead and help set the standards for women like me. I mourn the people I will leave behind.
The journey from then until now has not been easy. In the beginning, I was so angry, lost, depressed, and feeling sorry for myself. Over time, with the help of my faith, therapy, support from friends and family, and simply changing my outlook, I have found purpose in my pain. Don’t get me wrong; there are days when the pain is still so crippling that it feels like my body is working against me. Instead of letting the pain define me, I choose to be in control.
The person I am now is not the same person I was before my injury. I have changed for the better. I have grown, and I have learned so much that may not have happened had I not gotten hurt. I have met people who have made a lasting impact on my life. I have been focused on school, family, a career, and my future from here on out. I have never been more ready and confident to face the unknown.
Reflecting on this unexpected journey, I realize that life is a series of events, many of which we cannot control. The military deepened my resilience, discipline, and the importance of teamwork. These lessons are now more relevant than ever as I navigate this new chapter of my life. The skills I acquired during my service are transferable, and I am eager to apply them in new ways. I’ve discovered new passions and interests I might never have pursued without my injury.
My family and friends have been my rock throughout this ordeal. Their unwavering support has reminded me that I am not alone in this journey. My faith has also been a guiding light, giving me the strength to persevere and find meaning in my struggles. Each day is a testament to the power of faith, love, and determination.
Looking ahead, I am filled with anticipation and excitement. The path before me is uncharted, but it is also filled with endless possibilities. I am committed to making the most of every opportunity and to continuing my journey of growth and self-discovery. The experiences I have gained, the lessons I have learned, and the people I have met along the way have all contributed to shaping the person I am today.
In the coming posts, I will delve deeper into specific aspects of my journey, sharing insights and lessons learned. From coping with physical pain to finding new career paths, from the importance of mental health to the power of community, I hope to provide valuable perspectives that resonate with others facing similar challenges.
I want to express my heartfelt gratitude to my care team at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center, Fort Belvoir, and my civilian providers. Thank you for joining me on this journey.
Together, we can navigate the twists and turns of life, finding strength in our shared experiences and hope in the promise of tomorrow. Stay tuned for more.
Abby’s unexpected experience with four children transformed her perspective on love and parenting, challenging her insecurities. Over time, she became fiercely protective, adapting her lifestyle and parenting approach. Their departure left a profound impact, teaching her about love’s strength and our lasting influence on each other. Abby embraces the imperfections of parenting, cherishing the memories and embracing the power of love to shape lives.
If you want to make God laugh, tell Him about your plans. I was adamant I did not want children, nor would I date someone who had any of their own. Well, for eight short months, I was partly responsible for not one but four incredible children who opened my heart’s capacity for love. God sure does have a sense of humour!
I won’t come here to sugarcoat and say it was easy because it was not. The first day I met them, I was cowering away behind a façade of indifference. Four pairs of eyes stared back at someone who would now be in control of their well-being. I, on the other hand, was petrified. I didn’t think I was up for the task; most of all, I had a strong feeling that they did not like me. My insecurities were rearing their ugly heads.
In the following months, I became fiercely protective of them, and to this day, I want and wish to save them from the people who are supposed to love them the most. They were no longer some kids-they were my kids. My entire existence changed. There was nothing I wouldn’t do for them, and I would go to hell and back for them. Their coming into my life was one of the highlights of my year, and forming an even closer relationship was the icing on top. Through them, I learnt so much about myself and what it means to be a parent. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but I know I did a heck of a job!
My entire world revolved around them. There was no decision I made without considering them. There was no store that I walked into and left empty-handed. If I saw something that reminded me of them, I just had to get what it was. They consumed every thought, their needs, and what they would like. Through all this, I knew that I had some changes to make on my own. I didn’t have the ideal childhood, and I’m thankful for how I was raised, but I knew I had to do things differently. So, as any millennial parent, I was entertained by the gentle parenting technique. All over my social media fyps were posts about gentle parenting. I wanted to make a difference. I made sure to apologise to them when I was wrong. I corrected them. I included them, but most of all, I respected them. There were some things that I was bullheaded about, such as cleanliness. I am an “everything has its place,” and being in the military does not help. Ha!
It’s important to remember that children are humans, too. Have conversations with and include them. There is so much they learn from us. I never thought that I would be on the phone for hours talking to an eight-year-old or a thirteen-year-old. Sometimes, neither of us said anything, but we had peace of mind knowing that there was someone on the other end of the line. These shared experiences shape who we are and who we become. When they look back years from now, I hope they remember the lessons and the love and support that surrounded them. I hope they remember that their voices mattered and that they were never alone in their journey.
We talked through their problems. It wasn’t just about solving them for them but about letting them know they were heard and valued. These conversations were not always filled with words of wisdom but with moments of mutual understanding and support.
These interactions taught me the importance of being present and patient. They also taught me resilience, empathy, and the power of open communication. They told me everything! As painful as it was at times, I am thrilled I could be a source for them to confide in. I hope these lessons stay with them as they grow, reminding them that they are never alone and that someone cares deeply for them.
My time with them abruptly and unexpectedly came to an end. My world shattered, and the pain that came from losing them is inexplicable. It blows my mind when I think of parents intentionally hurting their children. I cannot fathom how anyone can look into the innocent eyes of children and take out all their frustrations on them. Yes, it sometimes gets overwhelming, but that is no excuse for mistreatment. Children are looking at what we do more so than what we say. The things we do and say shape their behaviours and development. Parenting involves selflessness. It is essential to be discerning about who to bring around your child(ren). I can’t imagine being away from my child, nor can I understand parents choosing to walk away.
No child asked for permission to be on this Earth. It is not their responsibility to be thankful and appreciative of the sacrifices we make. It may seem like a sacrifice to us, but to children and wise folks, that is simply parenting. I am no expert, but my entire perspective changed when I was with them. It’s true when they say you never really know what you have until it’s gone. I miss them a lot. I miss the chaos, and I miss the mess. Why? Because it was beautifully chaotic, and there was nowhere else, I would rather be.
In the middle of our bubble being pricked, an eight-year-old told me I was her best friend and that she wanted to follow in my footsteps. That shattered my heart into a million pieces! It also solidified what I knew to be true: I made a fantastic impact. I will always have space to carry my love for them. I am also profoundly apologetic to them for not being able to protect them and give them the life they deserved.
Thank you, God, for bringing them to me and showing me beauty in chaos. I know they will never see this post, but to the four innocent souls who opened my eyes, heart, and purse! I love you with every fibre of my being. I miss our playful banter, nicknames, enthralling conversations, and lessons where the four of you were the teacher at different times. I will always carry the memories we made with me.
Sometimes, I find myself reminiscing about the small moments that defined our time together—cooking together, putting furniture together, café dates and McDonald’s runs, laughing until our stomachs hurt, the innocent questions only children can ask, and the heartfelt conversations about their dreams and fears. These moments, though fleeting, are etched in my heart forever.
I also learnt to embrace the imperfections of parenting. There were days when I felt utterly exhausted, overwhelmed, and unsure of myself. But in those moments, I discovered the true strength of love. It’s not about having all the answers or being perfect; it’s about showing up, being present, and loving with all your heart. And that’s precisely what I did.
My journey with those four incredible children has taught me the profound impact we can have on each other’s lives. It’s a reminder that love knows no bounds and that our connections can transcend time and circumstance’s limitations.
To anyone in a similar situation, embrace the chaos, cherish the moments, and never underestimate love’s power in transforming lives.
You are never too much and should never apologise for your ambitions, emotions, or standards. Hold on to your worth, and never lower your standards for anyone. Embrace your journey to self-love and acceptance, and know that the right person will see your worth and love you unconditionally. Keep believing in yourself.
You are never too much. Let me say that again. You are never too much. First, I want to start by saying I’m sorry. I’m sorry if someone made you feel less than, undeserving, worthless, or useless. I am sorry.
You were never and will ever be those things. It’s the person who made you feel all these things and left you questioning your sanity that was not enough. We all have standards for a reason. However far out of the park they are, we have them for a reason, and we should hold on dearly to them, especially if they are uncompromisable. There is always some truth to cliches. Do with them as you will. Never lower your standards for anyone.
The day you do so is the day you start losing yourself. I think we as women believe that when we have a lot going on for ourselves, are educated and beautiful, and have our heads screwed on tightly to our bodies that it will be hard to form relationships. Romantic ones, especially. I am here to tell you, sister, you’re mistaken. There is someone out there for whom you were made perfectly. Someone who will complement you and make the perfect companion. Just as God created Eve from Adam’s spare rib, so, too, did He create the person just for you.
As women, we pour so much of ourselves into relationships. When our cups run empty, it is so easy for men to move on to the next. We are then left shattered, lost and hurt. We anguish about the times wasted, knowing that when we first had that inclination to leave, we should have. Those are times that we will never get back. Don’t get me wrong, there is no problem with falling in love with potential. However, for potential to be fruitful, the other individual must be willing to change. They must be willing to learn and grow. If not, falling in love with the supposed potential we see will lead to nothing but failure.
You were probably told your ambitions were too big, your emotions too intense, and your standards too high. Never apologise for wanting more out of life, for expecting honesty and respect. It took a long time, but I eventually realised the problem was not with me. I was never too much. I was just right; the person I was with wasn’t enough to appreciate that. I am the prize, and you are, too.
It’s important to note, though, that your time was never wasted. You gave wholly of yourself because of the goodness of your heart. That is something they will never be able to take from you. As hard as it may seem at the moment to believe it, you are, without a doubt, wholeheartedly deserving of everything good that life has to offer. You will get it. The Lord will turn your pain into joy. The tears you cry today are watering the fruits you will bloom tomorrow.
Think of the lessons learnt, and the strength gained. Reflect on how you grew through the pain and what you discovered about your resilience. Every tear, every sleepless night, and every moment of doubt shapes you into a stronger, more empathetic, and wiser person. These experiences will make the right person value and cherish you for all you are.
Remember, you are never too much for the right person. The right person will see your worth, embrace your complexity, and love you unconditionally. They will support your dreams, respect your boundaries, and walk you through life’s challenges. They won’t make you feel you must diminish yourself to fit into their life. Instead, they will make you feel like you are more than enough, just as you are.
So, hold your head high and keep your standards firm. Trust that the right person will come into your life at the right time. And in the meantime, continue to love yourself fiercely, chase your dreams passionately, and never settle for anything less than you deserve. Also, realise that it’s okay for you to feel defeated. Allow yourself to feel the emotions. Do not suppress them. Let them out. Your story is far from over, and the best chapters are yet to come.
Your journey to self-love and acceptance is ongoing. Embrace it, learn from it, and let it guide you to the beautiful future that awaits you. You are strong, you are worthy, and you are never too much. Keep believing in yourself, and the right person will believe in you, too.
Authentically Abby 