Mental Health – Authentically Abby

Embracing Solitude: A Reflections on My Birthday Retreat

I didn’t need a party, a cake, or a crowd to feel celebrated this year. What I needed—what I gave myself—was space. Space to breathe, to wander, to listen to the rhythm of my own heart without interruption. From the quiet of Bowman’s Tower to the echoing songs of Ringing Rocks, every step of my solo birthday escape whispered, ‘You are becoming. And that is worth honouring.’

I never imagined I’d spend my birthday completely alone, not in the sad, lonely way, but in the free, expansive, soul-hugging way that only solitude can offer. This year, I gave myself a gift: time, quiet, and beauty. Just me, the golden leaves of early October, and a heart wide open.

Day 1: Stepping Into Stillness

I arrived in New Hope just after noon, the sleepy streets lined with changing leaves and cosy shops. My first stop was Bowman’s Hill Tower. The elevator was out of service, but I surprised myself by climbing all the stairs to the top. At the summit, I stood in awe. The view stretched endlessly. I felt the weight of my own growth. The kind you don’t always notice until you’re standing still, high above the chaos of everyday life. I stood there, breathless and smiling, soaking in a panoramic view that made the climb (and the year leading up to this moment) worth it.

Checking into my sweet Yardley Airbnb felt like entering a cosy novel. I let the quiet sink in. Later, I made my way to Continental Tavern for dinner, where the warm lighting and murmurs of conversation made me feel both unseen and safely held. That night, I toasted myself with a glass of wine, danced barefoot in my PJs, and whispered a quiet “thank you” for the journey so far.

Alone. At peace. Grateful.

Day 2: Birthday Joy in Motion

The morning light felt like a birthday blessing. I spent time with God, then got ready for the day. I wandered through New Hope again, this time with no rush. I had wine and light bites at Nektar Wine Bar.

Crossing into Lambertville, I let my feet guide me. No itinerary. No pressure. I window-shopped, smiled at strangers, and admired the canal’s stillness. As the sun dipped low, I returned to Yardley for dinner at Vault Brewing. Sitting there, hearing the laughter of nearby tables, I didn’t feel alone—I felt whole. This birthday wasn’t extravagant, but it was mine. Every second of it.

Day 3: Rocks That Ring and Quiet Retreats

I had breakfast at Pretty Bird Café, then took a leisurely stroll around the area. I visited Panna and picked up a few sweet treats for later. Then I drove through winding roads to Upper Black Eddy and checked into my next Airbnb, a peaceful spot nestled in nature’s quiet. It felt like a transition point. The drive there was filled with reflection. It was a shift from celebration to contemplation.

Later, I drove to Ringing Rocks Park and spent the afternoon walking among boulders that literally sing when struck. Nature has its poetry, and that day, it was loud and clear.

Dinner was takeout from The Narrows. I wrapped up the evening with a movie, warm socks, and snacks. My heart felt quiet and filled.

Day 4: Riding into My Next Chapter

My final morning began with the New Hope Railroad. I booked a first-class ride on the Lahaska line, complete with a mimosa and warm pretzel. Riding through the fall foliage felt symbolic, like I was quietly celebrating the journey I’d taken to get here. The train creaked along slowly, and I stared out the window, tears welling in my eyes, not from sadness, but from the depth of appreciation.

Before heading home, I stopped by Washington Crossing Historic Park to wander through the exhibits. As I made my way back home, it felt like I had gathered pieces of myself from every stop.

Closing Thoughts

There’s something powerful about choosing yourself. Something about intentionally creating space to reflect, celebrate, and reset. This solo birthday wasn’t extravagant. It was rich. Every sip of wine, every crunchy leaf underfoot, every silent moment under the sky felt like a love letter to the woman I’m becoming. This trip was more than a birthday celebration. It was a love letter to the parts of me that needed rest, recognition, and renewal. Each place I visited offered a mirror: the tower reminding me of my strength, the railroad inviting me to trust the journey, the ringing rocks reminding me that even the hard things can sing.

If you’ve never taken yourself on a solo trip, I highly recommend it. Even just a few days can change everything. You deserve to witness your own unfolding.

Question for You: Have you ever taken a solo birthday trip or retreat? What did it teach you about yourself? What would it look like to carve out space to celebrate you—on your terms?

With a grateful heart,
Abby

Overcoming the Fear of Quitting

When faced with challenges, quitting can seem appealing. Yet, perseverance is essential for achieving meaningful goals. Doubt and fear of failure often hinder progress; the key lies in developing habits that foster resilience. Embrace small steps, seek support, and remain patient, understanding that success requires time and effort. Keep moving forward.

Have you ever started something meaningful, only to find yourself ready to quit as soon as things got tough? The discomfort feels unbearable, the progress seems slow, and the voice in your head whispers, “Maybe this isn’t worth it.” It’s easy to retreat, to fall back into what’s comfortable, and to let doubt win. But what if I told you that those moments of struggle are where breakthroughs begin—and quitting is precisely what the enemy wants you to do?

In this post, we’ll explore why it’s so tempting to give up when the road gets hard, how to silence the lies of insecurity, and how building resilience through habits can help you keep moving forward, even when the journey feels overwhelming.

The Lies That Lead to Quitting

One of the enemy’s greatest tactics is filling our minds with lies—subtle whispers of doubt, insecurity, and fear that cloud our vision and make us question whether we’re capable. When you start working toward a God-given purpose, the devil doesn’t sit idly by. He doesn’t attack plans that aren’t significant; he focuses on those with meaning, those aligned with God’s will.

One of the enemy’s biggest lies is that “you’re not enough.” Insecurity blinds us to the victories we’ve already won. You might be making progress, taking steps forward, and achieving things you once prayed for—but insecurity makes it hard to see these wins. Instead, you focus on what’s left to accomplish, magnifying your flaws and mistakes. The enemy plants doubt to make you think you’re not succeeding when, in fact, you are. If you give in to these lies, you risk slipping back into the comfort zone where he wants you, mistaking temporary relief for true healing.

Remember this: failure is not defeat; quitting is. The enemy knows that if he can make you quit, he wins. But when you persevere, even in the face of failure, you’re stepping into God’s purpose for your life.

The Fear of Failure: A Bigger Obstacle Than Failure Itself

Have you ever noticed how the fear of failure is often worse than failure itself? The anticipation of what might go wrong keeps us paralyzed. We play out worst-case scenarios in our minds, convincing ourselves that the risk isn’t worth it. But here’s the thing: failure isn’t the end—it’s part of the process.

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” -Thomas Edison

The fear of failure stops us from trying, robbing us of opportunities to grow and learn.

Proverbs 24:16 encourages us with this truth: “For though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again.” Falling isn’t the issue—it’s staying down that holds us back. What matters most is your willingness to get back up and keep going.

Are You Under Attack or Stuck in a Habit?

When things get tough, it’s easy to feel like you’re under attack. And sometimes, you might be. The enemy often targets areas of your life that are tied to your God-given purpose. But not every obstacle is an attack; some challenges are the result of habits we’ve developed over time.

Ask yourself:

Am I under attack, or am I stuck in a habit?: If you find yourself quitting every time things get hard, it might be a pattern, not a spiritual battle. Quitting becomes a habit when we let discomfort dictate our actions. The good news is that habits can be broken and replaced with healthier ones.
Am I constantly running when things get hard, or is this a rare instance?: It’s important to evaluate your response to challenges. If quitting is your go-to response, it’s time to create new habits that help you push through instead of giving up.

Building Habits That Cultivate Perseverance

If habits are what’s holding you back, the key to overcoming them is intentionality. Perseverance isn’t a trait you’re born with—it’s a skill you develop over time. Here are some steps to help you build habits that foster resilience:

1. Focus on the long-term reward. Good things take time, and nothing worth having comes easily. Shift your perspective from immediate discomfort to the long-term benefits of staying the course. Galatians 6:9 reminds us, “Let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Trust that your hard work will pay off in God’s perfect timing.

2. Replace negative self-talk with truth. When doubt creeps in, counter it with God’s promises. Write down affirming scriptures like Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,” and repeat them when you feel like giving up.

3. Take small, consistent steps. Big goals can feel overwhelming, but breaking them into smaller, manageable steps makes them achievable. Celebrate each small victory along the way as a reminder of your progress.

4. Surround yourself with support. Remember, you are not meant to do this alone. Community is essential when you’re striving for growth. Surround yourself with people who encourage you, pray for you, and hold you accountable when you feel like giving up. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 reminds us, “Two are better than one… If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.”

5. Pray for strength and discernment. When you feel weak, turn to God for the strength to keep going. Ask Him to help you discern whether your struggle is an attack or a habit and to guide you toward perseverance. James 1:5 promises that God gives wisdom generously to those who ask.

Time Will Tell: The Power of Patience

Success doesn’t happen overnight; healing, growth, or achieving a goal requires patience. It’s easy to feel discouraged when progress feels slow, but time will tell. Consistency and persistence over time reveal the fruit of your labour.

When you feel like quitting, remind yourself why you started. Is your goal aligned with a greater purpose? Is the discomfort you’re feeling now worth the reward that’s waiting on the other side? Trust the process, and know that every step forward—no matter how small—is progress.

Conclusion: Choosing to Persevere

Quitting might feel easy in the moment, but the cost of giving up is far greater than the discomfort of perseverance. The devil wants you to quit because he knows what’s on the other side of your persistence: victory, growth, and purpose. When you feel like giving up, remember that failure isn’t the end—quitting is.

Ask yourself:

Are you under attack, or are you stuck in a habit?
Are you letting fear hold you back, or are you willing to trust God and take the next step?

When the lies creep in, counter them with the truth. When insecurity tries to blind you to your victories, remind yourself how far you’ve come. The journey may be challenging, but good things take time, and something worth having comes with effort.

Reflection Questions:

Are there areas in your life where you’ve been tempted to quit because of discomfort or fear?
What habits might be holding you back from persevering through challenges?
How can you start building habits that encourage resilience and persistence?

Call to Action: This week, identify one area where you’ve been tempted to quit. Instead of giving up, take one small step forward and invite God into your journey. Share your thoughts or experiences in the comments—let’s encourage one another to keep moving forward!

Until next time,
Abby

Understanding Guilt and Shame

Guilt and shame are distinct yet intertwined emotions that can hinder our peace. Guilt acknowledges mistakes, prompting change, while shame attacks our identity, leading to isolation. Breaking the cycle involves acknowledging feelings, seeking forgiveness, separating actions from identity, challenging shame, and embracing God’s unconditional love, leading to freedom and growth.

Guilt and shame—are two heavy emotions that can cloud our minds, paralyze our hearts, and keep us feeling disconnected from the peace and joy God intends for us. They’re often used interchangeably, but they carry distinct differences that have unique impacts on our lives. Guilt is the feeling that arises when we’ve done something wrong; it tells us, “I made a mistake.” Shame, however, goes deeper. It says, “I am the mistake.” While guilt can motivate us to seek forgiveness and make amends, shame can trap us in self-loathing and isolation.

Guilt: The Catalyst for Change

Guilt, at its core, is a natural response to wrongdoing. It’s the inner voice that alerts us when we’ve acted in a way that goes against our values, and it can be a powerful catalyst for change. When we feel guilty, we’re often moved to make amends, seek forgiveness, and strive to do better.

For instance, if you’ve hurt someone with your words, guilt is the feeling that urges you to apologize and make things right. It’s a response that can be constructive, pushing us toward growth and reconciliation. 2 Corinthians 7:10 reminds us, “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.” Here, we see that when we experience guilt in a healthy way, it brings us closer to God and leads to positive change.

But guilt can also become a burden when it turns into something excessive or unresolved. If we constantly replay our mistakes and let guilt linger without seeking forgiveness or growth, it can start to weigh us down. In these cases, guilt no longer serves its purpose of prompting change but instead becomes a chain holding us back.

Shame: The Lie That Destroys Self-Worth

Shame goes beyond guilt. While guilt says, “I did something wrong,” shame whispers, “There’s something wrong with me.” Shame is not focused on our actions but on our identity, leading us to believe that our mistakes define us. Shame can arise from mistakes we’ve made, but it often comes from external sources—words spoken over us, criticisms, or experiences that make us feel unworthy.

“Shame derives its power from being unspeakable. That’s why it loves perfectionists—it’s so easy to keep us quiet.”–Brene Brown

Shame feeds on silence and isolation, making us feel like we can’t let anyone see who we really are.

Romans 8:1 speaks directly to this, assuring us, “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” The Bible reminds us that through Christ, we are no longer condemned by our mistakes or our perceived inadequacies. Shame tries to keep us stuck, making us believe we’re unworthy of love, forgiveness, and growth. But God tells us that we are His beloved, not defined by our failures but by His grace.

The Destructive Cycle of Guilt and Shame

When left unchecked, guilt and shame can create a destructive cycle that’s hard to escape. We make a mistake and feel guilty; if we don’t address it, that guilt can evolve into shame. As shame grows, it tells us we’re unworthy of love and acceptance, which can lead to isolation. In our isolation, we’re more likely to make decisions that continue the cycle, leading to more guilt and deepening shame.

This cycle becomes a barrier to God’s love. It makes us believe we’re too flawed or broken to be redeemed. But nothing could be further from the truth. Psalm 34:18 reminds us, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” God does not distance Himself from us in our guilt and shame; instead, He draws near, ready to offer healing and restoration.

Moving from Guilt and Shame to Freedom

So, how do we break the cycle? How do we move from carrying the heavy burden of guilt and shame to experiencing the freedom that God promises?

Acknowledge and Accept: The first step is to acknowledge your feelings. Trying to bury or deny guilt and shame only gives them more power. Admit your mistakes, and accept that while you may have fallen short, you are not beyond redemption.
Seek Forgiveness: First start with forgiving yourself. Forgiving yourself frees you from the weight of regret and allows you to embrace positive change.1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Guilt can only be resolved by seeking forgiveness from God and those we may have wronged. Confession is not about dwelling on our mistakes but releasing them and accepting God’s grace.
Separate Identity from Actions: It’s crucial to recognize that while we may make mistakes, they do not define us. You are valuable, loved, and capable of growth.
Challenge the Lies of Shame: Shame thrives on lies about our worth. Identify the negative beliefs you hold about yourself and replace them with God’s truth. Remind yourself that you are a child of God, forgiven, and worthy of love. Write down verses that reinforce your identity in Christ and revisit them whenever shame tries to creep back in.
Share Your Struggles: Guilt and shame flourish in secrecy. We rob these emotions of their power when we open up to others. Find a trusted friend, family member, or spiritual mentor and share your struggles. Vulnerability breaks the isolation shame thrives on and allows for mutual support.
Embrace God’s Love and Grace: Above all, accept that God’s love for you is unconditional. God’s grace covers every mistake, every regret, and every flaw. When we choose to rest in His love, we experience a freedom that lifts the burdens of guilt and shame.

Moving Forward: Embracing Freedom Over Fear

Living with guilt and shame is like walking with a heavy weight on your shoulders—it drags you down and keeps you from experiencing the fullness of life. But by confronting these feelings, seeking forgiveness, and embracing God’s grace, we begin to replace our burden with a sense of freedom.

We are all works in progress, learning to walk in the truth of who God created us to be. Romans 8:28 reminds us, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Even our mistakes can be used for good when we surrender them to God. Our past does not define our future; God’s grace does.

So, when guilt tries to keep you focused on your mistakes, remember that you are forgiven. And when shame tries to make you feel unworthy, remember that you are deeply loved. Embrace the truth of God’s love, and step into the freedom that comes from knowing you are redeemed.

Reflection Questions:

Are there specific areas in your life where you feel guilt or shame? How have these feelings affected your relationship with yourself, others, and God?
What steps can you take to release guilt and move forward in freedom?
How can you remind yourself daily of your worth in Christ, especially when feelings of shame creep in?

Call to Action: Take some time in prayer or journaling to reflect on any lingering guilt or shame in your life. Ask God to reveal the truth of His love and forgiveness, and consider sharing your journey with a trusted friend or mentor. Embracing freedom from guilt and shame is a decisive step toward a life rooted in God’s grace.

Until next time,
Abby

Why Coping Alone Doesn’t Work: The Need for Support in Healing

When life gets overwhelming, we often rely on familiar coping mechanisms to shield us from pain, but not all of them lead to healing. We aren’t meant to fight our battles alone. True healing begins when we set aside pride, reach out for support, and intentionally face our struggles.

We all have coping mechanisms that we turn to when life gets overwhelming—some healthy, like prayer or exercise, and others not so much, like isolating ourselves or numbing the pain with distractions. When things aren’t going how we want, we gravitate toward what’s familiar because it feels safe and comfortable. But here’s the hard truth: what feels familiar isn’t always best for us. While we might believe we can handle things alone, the reality is that no one is meant to walk through struggles by themselves.

Why We Turn to Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms

When we face pain or disappointment, our first instinct is often to protect ourselves. Maybe it’s turning on autopilot and staying busy to avoid thinking about what’s hurting us. Perhaps it’s shutting people out because we don’t want to feel vulnerable. We lean on these habits because they’re comfortable. They’re our defence mechanisms against feeling weak or out of control.

But succumbing to these habits can be dangerous. We end up numbing our emotions, pushing away people who want to help, and shutting off parts of ourselves that need to be heard and healed. Over time, what started as a way to cope becomes a destructive pattern that can wreak havoc on our lives.

The Danger of Isolation: Why We Can’t Do It Alone

There’s a common misconception that we can handle everything on our own, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. The Bible clearly shows us that we are not meant to be alone. In Genesis 2:18, God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” This statement goes beyond the context of marriage—it’s a foundational truth about human nature. We were created for connection, for community, for support.

When we try to fight our “demons” alone, we set ourselves up for failure. It’s like trying to lift a heavy weight without a spotter—it’s only a matter of time before we buckle under the pressure. This is why isolation is so dangerous. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 reminds us, “Two are better than one… If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” We weren’t designed to carry our burdens alone, and pride often stands in the way of us reaching out for help.

Pride: The Barrier to Healing

Pride keeps us from accepting help from others and traps our pain deep within.

Have you ever found yourself saying, “I don’t need anyone’s help”? I have. During tough seasons, I would put on a brave face, insisting I could handle everything. But all that did was bury my pain deeper and isolate me from people who could have helped me heal.

Pride tells us that needing support is a weakness. LIES! Reaching out for help is an act of courage, not weakness. When we allow pride to keep us from asking for support, we prolong our suffering and prevent ourselves from experiencing the healing that comes through connection.

Suppression Leads to Survival Mode

When we refuse to face our pain, we end up suppressing it—burying it deep and pretending it’s not there. But suppressed emotions don’t go away. They simmer under the surface and show up in unexpected ways, often when we least expect them. Maybe it’s snapping at a friend over something trivial or feeling overwhelmed by simple tasks. This happens when we live in “survival mode”—we’re constantly on edge, bracing for the next emotional hit because deep down, we know we haven’t dealt with what’s really happening.

Over time, suppression can lead to burnout, anxiety, and even physical symptoms. We become experts at functioning on the outside, but we’re falling apart on the inside. Psalm 34:18 reminds us, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” God doesn’t want us to suppress our pain. He invites us to bring it to Him, to let Him carry our burdens, and to lean on others who can support us.

When Unresolved Pain Spreads: Healing is Contagious, but So Is Hurt

If we don’t deal with our pain, it doesn’t just go away. It spreads into other areas of our lives. Have you ever noticed how an unresolved issue at work can affect your mood at home? Or how a difficult family relationship make you irritable and defensive in other friendships? This is because pain that isn’t addressed becomes contagious. It leaks out into our relationships, our work, and our health.

“Time heals all wounds” is a popular saying, but it’s a myth. Time alone doesn’t heal anything—intentionality does. We can’t just sit back and hope that our pain will eventually fade away. We have to be active participants in our healing. That means facing our emotions head-on and doing the hard work of processing them with the help of others.

Steps to Move Out of Isolation and into Healing

So, how do we break the cycle of isolation and face our pain with courage? Here are some practical steps to get started:

Acknowledge your need for support: Admit that you can’t do this alone. This isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a step toward healing. Take a moment to pray, asking God to guide you toward people who can support you this season.
Reach out and connect: Take the first step to connect, whether it’s a friend, family member, counsellor, or support group. Ecclesiastes 4:12 reminds us, “A cord of three strands is not easily broken.” When we invite others into our healing, we become stronger.
Be honest about your struggles: Vulnerability is hard but necessary. Share what you’re going through honestly, without fear of judgment. Sometimes, simply speaking our pain out loud is the first step toward freedom.
Identify your unhealthy coping mechanisms: Take note of the habits you turn to when you’re stressed or hurting. Are you isolating, numbing, or suppressing? Recognize these patterns and ask yourself, “What am I trying to avoid?”
Replace harmful coping mechanisms with healthy ones: Find healthier ways to process your emotions through journaling, prayer, exercise, or speaking with a trusted friend or therapist. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Let others support and guide you.

Conclusion: We Heal in Community

None of us will ever fully heal until we realize we need support. God created us for connection, community, and relationships that build us up when we struggle. We can’t keep numbing and running from our pain because, at some point, it will catch up. Healing requires facing what we’re going through head-on, and it takes intentionality on our part.

So, if you’re struggling, remember: You don’t have to fight alone. God is with you, and there are people who want to support you. Healing is not a solo journey. It’s a process we walk through together, step by step, day by day.

Reflection Questions:

What unhealthy coping mechanisms do you turn to when you’re stressed or hurting?
Who in your life can you reach out to for support today?
How has pride kept you from seeking help in the past, and how can you overcome it moving forward?

Take the First Step

If you’ve been struggling alone, I encourage you to take that first step today. Reach out to someone you trust. Ask for prayer, share your story, or even just let them know you’re struggling. Don’t let pride keep you isolated—healing happens in community. Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. Let’s support one another in the journey toward wholeness.

By leaning into community and trusting God’s guidance, we can break free from isolation and step into the fullness of healing He has for us.

Until next time,
Abby

Do You Want to Hear the Harsh Truth? No One is Coming to Save You

No one is coming to save you—and that’s where your power lies. True healing comes when you stop waiting for someone else to fix things and take full responsibility for your life. By stepping out of victimhood and into empowerment, you become the creator of your transformation.

When we experience pain, loss, or trauma, it’s easy to wait for someone else to step in and rescue us. We think, “If only someone would help me, then I could heal.” But here’s a harsh truth: no one is coming to save you. While that might sound daunting, it’s actually empowering. In continuing our journey from Healing Mindset: Transforming Trauma, we’re diving deeper into how we often fall into patterns of victimhood—and how taking full ownership of our healing is the only way to break free.

The Drama Triangle: A Trap That Keeps Us Stuck

One of the ways we get stuck is by falling into what’s called the Drama Triangle, a concept developed by Stephen Karpman. This triangle consists of three roles we often assume in times of distress:

Victim: We feel powerless and blame others or our circumstances for our pain.
Rescuer/Hero: We try to save others or expect someone else to save us, which avoids personal responsibility.
Persecutor/Villain: We blame or criticize others for our suffering, creating a cycle of resentment and frustration.

Does this sound familiar? It’s easy to fall into these roles, but they keep us stuck in a loop of helplessness and blame. The Victim role feels particularly seductive when life gets hard. I know this firsthand—I used to wait for someone to come along and “fix” things for me. But that waiting never brought me closer to healing.

Take a moment to reflect: Have you ever found yourself in one of these roles? Maybe you’ve expected someone else to “rescue” you from your problems. How has that worked out? Often, the longer we stay in the Drama Triangle, the more frustrated we become.

Breaking Free: Stepping Into the Role of Creator

When we accept the truth that no one is coming to save us, we realize something powerful: we have the ability to save ourselves. This shift from being a Victim to becoming a Creator of our lives is where healing begins.

I remember a time in my life when I was stuck in the Victim role. After an injury altered my career path, I felt lost and hopeless, constantly waiting for someone or something to pull me out of the situation. But it wasn’t until I accepted that I was the only one who could change my story that I began to heal. By shifting my mindset, I found a new passion in healthcare administration, and my life became more prosperous because of that decision.

“Trauma victims cannot recover until they become familiar with and befriend the sensations in their bodies.”– Dr. Bessel van der Kolk.

Key Takeaways for Taking Responsibility

Ready to step out of the Drama Triangle and into a place of empowerment? Here are some practical steps to guide you along the way:

Recognize the patterns: Become aware of when you’re slipping into the roles of Victim, Rescuer, or Persecutor. Awareness is the first step toward breaking the cycle.
Shift your focus from problems to solutions: Instead of focusing on what’s wrong, ask yourself, “What can I do to change my situation?” A solution-based mindset empowers you to take action.
Accept that healing is your responsibility: No one can do your inner work. Once you acknowledge this, you reclaim control over your healing journey.
Set small, actionable goals: Start with simple steps, like journaling your emotions, seeking support from a therapist, or practising self-compassion. Progress happens in small, consistent actions.
Surround yourself with supportive people: While no one can save you, having a community that encourages and uplifts you is essential. Find people who support your growth, not those who keep you stuck.

Shifting Your Mindset: From Victim to Empowered Creator

Moving from Victim to Creator doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process that requires self-awareness and intentional action. But every step forward is a step toward freedom.

As Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor and psychologist, famously said, “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” This insight is a powerful reminder that even when our external circumstances feel out of control, we still hold the power to change how we respond.

Taking Ownership: The Path to Healing

When we stop waiting for someone to save us, we unlock the power to save ourselves. Healing doesn’t come from outside sources—it comes from within. Whether you’re healing from trauma, recovering from loss, or working through pain, the journey begins with your decision to take responsibility for your life.

Here are some additional expert insights to keep in mind:

Dr. Gabor Maté, an expert in trauma, teaches that healing requires us to confront and take responsibility for the emotions we’ve been avoiding. He says, “The essence of trauma is disconnection from ourselves.” Healing is reconnecting with our inner world and taking responsibility for how we move forward.
Brene Brown, in her research on vulnerability and courage, reminds us that “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it.” Taking responsibility for our healing means owning our story, no matter how difficult it might be.

How to Reclaim Your Power

To help guide you on this journey, here are some concrete steps you can start taking today:

Identify where you are in the Drama Triangle: Reflect on whether you’re playing the role of Victim, Rescuer, or Persecutor and how these roles might keep you stuck.
Shift from Victim to Creator: Begin to see yourself as the Creator of your own life. This shift can start with small actions—take responsibility for responding to challenges.
Create a plan for healing: Outline specific steps you can take to start healing. Whether seeking therapy, practising mindfulness, or confronting past emotions, make a plan and stick to it.
Surround yourself with positive influences: Seek out people who empower you rather than those who reinforce the roles of the Drama Triangle. Your environment can have a huge impact on your growth.
Celebrate progress, not perfection: Healing isn’t linear. There will be ups and downs, but every step forward is progress. Celebrate your wins, no matter how small.

Specific Resources for Healing and Empowerment

If you’re looking for additional support as you navigate your healing journey, here are some excellent resources:

The Body Keeps the Score by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk: This book offers a deep dive into understanding trauma and how it affects both the body and mind.
When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress by Dr. Gabor Maté: In this book, Maté explores the connection between trauma, stress, and physical health and offers tools for recovery.
Rising Strong by Brene Brown: Brown’s work on vulnerability and resilience provides powerful insights into owning our story and finding strength through struggle.
Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl: This classic book highlights the power of finding meaning and purpose even in the most challenging circumstances.
Healing Is a Choice by Stephen Arterburn: Arterburn offers practical steps for breaking free from the patterns that keep us from healing, emphasizing the power of personal responsibility.

You Are Your Own Hero

The reality that no one is coming to save you can feel overwhelming, but it’s also incredibly freeing. When you accept this truth, you reclaim your power to create your own life. Stepping out of the Drama Triangle and into the role of Creator is the key to your healing journey.

Now, I leave you with this: What’s one small step you can take today to move from Victim to Creator? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments—I’d love to hear how you’re reclaiming your power and stepping into your role as the hero of your own story.

Until next time,
Abby

https://www.bringthedonuts.com/essays/the-drama-triangle/

Healing Mindset: Transforming Trauma

Life often surprises us with challenges like breakups and loss, reminding us that our reactions matter most while we can’t control events. Healing is a personal responsibility that requires shifting mindsets and taking ownership of our journey. Trusting in God’s process can lead to restoration and growth, making every step towards healing significant.

Life has a way of surprising us. Just when we think we have everything under control, something happens—a breakup, a loss, a painful experience—that leaves us feeling unsteady. While we can’t control these events, how we respond makes all the difference. “10% of our lives are things that happen to us, and 90% is how we react” is a powerful reminder that we are responsible for our healing and growth.

Healing is Our Responsibility

It’s natural to want to point fingers when life throws us curveballs. I remember a time when I felt deeply hurt by someone I trusted, and for a while, I believed that if they had acted differently, I wouldn’t feel so broken. But eventually, I realized that while they may have caused the initial pain, I was responsible for what happened next.

Blaming others keeps us trapped in a cycle of hurt. When we fixate on what happened to us, we give away our power to heal. Healing, after all, is a personal journey. As much as we’d love for others to fix things for us, the truth is, it’s up to us to move forward.

This is where faith plays a pivotal role. In 1 Peter 5:6-10, we are called to “humble ourselves under God’s mighty hand,” so that in due time, He may lift us. This isn’t about pretending the hurt isn’t there—it’s about acknowledging that while we can’t control everything, God can. It’s about trusting in His timing for our healing. When we humbly place our struggles in His hands, we release the weight of what we cannot change and allow Him to guide us through restoration.

Taking Ownership: Moving Forward Instead of Blaming

The beginning of this season of my life was rough! I had a choice: I could wallow in disappointment or find a new way forward. While the initial pain and hurt weren’t something I could control, my response to it was. Instead of feeling defeated, I chose to develop a deeper relationship with God and pursue other interests, and that decision has brought more fulfilment than I ever imagined.

This experience taught me that clinging to old ways, especially when they don’t yield results, can prevent us from seeing new opportunities. When our current approach to healing—whether it’s avoidance, denial, or resentment—doesn’t work, it’s time to take a new direction.

1 Peter 5:6-10 comes into play here again, reassuring that when we humble ourselves and trust in God’s process, we will eventually be lifted. This idea of “lifting up” isn’t just about relief from pain but about rising to new heights—places we couldn’t have imagined if we stayed stuck in our hurt. The path to healing may require a shift in direction, but that change can lead to greater purpose and growth.

The Power of Perspective: Shifting Negative Mindsets

Have you ever walked into a situation expecting the worst, only to find that things turned out exactly how you imagined? That’s the power of mindset. When we think negatively, we limit our opportunities for growth and healing.

I’ve seen this in my own life. During particularly tough times, I would convince myself that nothing good could come out of the situation. That mindset didn’t just limit my growth—it stopped it altogether. It wasn’t until I shifted my perspective, choosing to see setbacks as opportunities for learning and growth, that I began to heal.

In the same way, we can approach trauma and pain with a mindset of defeat or with a mindset of resilience. The Bible reminds us that “after you have suffered a little while, God will restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you” (1 Peter 5:10). This verse holds a vital key to perspective—yes, suffering is part of the journey, but it is not the end. There is a promise of restoration if we are willing to trust in the process, and that promise can be our motivation to keep moving forward.

From Trauma to Triumph: Healing is a Choice

Trauma is not something we choose, but how we move forward from it is. According to Trauma is Not Your Fault, trauma often happens through no fault of our own. However, while trauma itself is beyond our control, healing from it is a conscious decision we must make.

I remember talking with someone who had experienced significant trauma in their life. They were angry, hurt, and, for a while, stuck in the belief that nothing would ever change. They believed their trauma defined them, and as a result, their life remained in a cycle of pain. But once they chose to seek help and shift their perspective, their healing journey began. It wasn’t instant, but they reclaimed their life by taking responsibility for their healing.

This process echoes the idea that while trauma is an unavoidable chapter in our lives, it doesn’t have to be the entire story. Healing is not easy—it often requires therapy, support from others, and deep self-reflection. But as we work through it, we begin to rebuild our lives, with trauma becoming a part of our past, not our future.

Action Steps: Embracing Change and Growth

So, how can we begin the process of healing and growth? Here are a few practical steps to help guide the journey:

Take ownership of your healing-Reflect on how you might be holding yourself back. Is there a part of you still waiting for someone else to make things right? Consider journaling about what healing looks like for you, and list a few small actions you can take to reclaim control of your life.
Change your mindset– Identify negative thoughts that may keep you stuck. One way to do this is through a simple exercise: replace every negative thought that enters your mind with a positive truth. For example, instead of thinking, “This situation is hopeless,” remind yourself, “There is always potential for growth, even in difficult circumstances.”
Seek guidance– Healing is not a journey you have to walk alone. Whether through prayer, counselling, or a trusted friend, having someone to talk to can make a difference. Speaking with a mentor helped me see my struggles in a new light, often pointing out strengths I didn’t realize I had.
Embrace discomfort– Growth rarely happens in comfort zones. Sometimes, the most remarkable healing comes when we allow ourselves to sit with uncomfortable emotions and trust that they are part of the process. Consider trying new activities like mindfulness meditation or taking up a physical exercise that challenges you—it’s a great way to build resilience and strengthen both body and mind.
Celebrate small wins– Healing is a journey; every step forward deserves recognition. Make a habit of acknowledging small victories, whether it’s a breakthrough in therapy, a shift in mindset, or simply a day where you feel lighter. These wins remind you that progress is possible, even when the road is long.

You Hold the Key to Your Healing

Life will always present us with challenges, but our true power lies in how we react. Healing doesn’t happen overnight, but every step we take toward taking ownership of our lives brings us closer to wholeness.

What’s your next step in healing? What’s one thing you can do today to reclaim control over your story? I invite you to share your experiences or insights in the comments—whether you’re just beginning your healing journey or are further along, your story might inspire someone else to take that next step toward wholeness.

“Owning our story can be hard, but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it.” -Brene Brown

Click to access Trauma-Is-Not-Your-Fault.pdf

Until next time,
Abby

Breaking the Silence: My Battle with Mental Health

Trigger Warning: This post contains discussions about suicide and mental health struggles. If you or someone you know is in crisis, please reach out to a mental health professional or call a suicide prevention hotline.

Feelings of rejection can leave you questioning your worth and doubting your place in this world. In honour of Suicide Awareness Month, I want to share a part of my story—a chapter that I have kept hidden for far too long but one that I believe needs to be told.

I remember that day vividly; it wasn’t just a bad day—it felt like the culmination of rough years that seemed to stretch endlessly. On this particular day, I felt like I was carrying the world’s weight on my shoulders. The crushing feelings of loneliness, loss, rejection, and hopelessness seemed to all converge at once. I found myself lying alone in a hotel room, feeling utterly isolated. At that moment, the thought of ending my life crept in, not as a fleeting idea but as a seemingly viable solution to all the pain I was feeling. It terrified me that I was even considering it.

I’ve always had a relationship with God. He has been a source of strength for me through many trials. But during those dark years, I had unknowingly pushed Him to the back burner. I wasn’t leaning on Him or drawing from the well of faith that had sustained me before. Instead, I was consumed by my despair. In a desperate moment of clarity, I reached out—I texted two of my closest friends. Their words and love pulled me back from the edge that night, convincing me to hold on, even when I felt like letting go.

But the relief I felt was quickly replaced by a deep shame and guilt. How could I, someone who outwardly seemed so strong, ever have considered such a thing? I have struggled with this shame ever since, carrying it like an invisible scar. That day wasn’t the only time I battled with those thoughts, but it was the first time I truly understood how close I had come. And the memory of it still haunts me.

We live in a society where the ‘heavy stuff’ is often left undiscussed, swept under the rug as if ignoring it will make it disappear. In my culture, especially, conversations about mental health and suicide are almost taboo. We don’t talk about it because it makes people uncomfortable or perhaps because we’re taught to suffer in silence, to keep pushing forward without acknowledging our genuine pain.

But here’s the thing: the more we talk, the less heavy the burden becomes. By sharing our stories, we strip away the shame, stigma, and silence surrounding these struggles. We begin to see that we are not alone, that others have walked this path and survived. We start to understand that our worth is not determined by the moments when we feel broken, but by the courage, it takes to keep going, to reach out, and to heal.

The Importance of Speaking Up

According to the most recent data from the World Health Organization (2023), more than 700,000 people die by suicide every year—it’s a global crisis that knows no boundaries, affecting people of all ages, cultures, and backgrounds. In the United States alone, suicide is the 10th leading cause of death overall and the second leading cause among individuals aged 10 to 34 (National Institute of Mental Health, 2023). For every suicide, there are many more who contemplate or attempt to end their lives.

These numbers are staggering but also highlight the urgency of breaking the silence. We need to normalize conversations about mental health and create spaces where people feel safe to express their pain and seek help without judgment or fear. We must remember that reaching out for support is not a sign of weakness; it’s an act of courage.

How to Seek Help or Support Others

If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide or severe depression, it’s essential to know that there is help available. You don’t have to face this alone.

Call a Suicide Prevention Hotline: In the U.S., the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available 24/7 at 988. You can also contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or chat online at suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
Text a Helpline: If talking feels too difficult, text “HELLO” to 741741 to connect with a trained crisis counsellor through the Crisis Text Line.
Reach Out to Someone You Trust: Sometimes, talking to a friend, family member, or trusted colleague can make a huge difference. If you notice signs of distress in someone else, don’t be afraid to ask how they’re doing and let them know you’re there to support them.
Seek Professional Help: Therapists, counsellors, and psychiatrists can provide the support and tools needed to manage feelings of depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts. Many communities have local mental health centres or services that offer sliding scale fees or insurance coverage.

To Anyone Who Feels This Way: You Are Not Alone

If you are struggling, please know that you are not alone. Some people care, who want to help, and who will listen without judgment. Your life is valuable and worthy of love and light, even on your darkest days.

“I am bent, but not broken. I am scarred, but not disfigured. I am sad, but not hopeless. I am tired, but not powerless. I am angry, but not bitter. I am depressed, but not giving up.” — Anonymous

Encourage Open Conversations

Let’s work together to break the silence around mental health. Start by having open, honest conversations within your circles—whether with friends, family, or colleagues. Share your stories, listen without judgment, and offer support. By doing so, we can contribute to a culture of understanding and compassion where everyone feels safe to speak up. The more we talk, the less alone we feel, and the more we heal.

Your voice matters, and your story could be the lifeline someone else needs. Your story is significant, and it deserves to be heard. Share it, and let it make a difference.

Let’s continue to speak up, share our stories, and support one another.

References:

National Institute of Mental Health. (2023). Suicide Statistics. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/suicide

World Health Organization. (2023). Suicide worldwide in 2023: Global Health Estimates. https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/suicide

If you or someone you know is in crisis, reach out to a mental health professional, call a suicide prevention hotline, or text a friend or family member. You don’t have to face this alone.

Until next time,
Abby

Embracing Self-Worth: A Guide for Women in Relationships

You are never too much and should never apologise for your ambitions, emotions, or standards. Hold on to your worth, and never lower your standards for anyone. Embrace your journey to self-love and acceptance, and know that the right person will see your worth and love you unconditionally. Keep believing in yourself.

You are never too much. Let me say that again. You are never too much. First, I want to start by saying I’m sorry. I’m sorry if someone made you feel less than, undeserving, worthless, or useless. I am sorry.

You were never and will ever be those things. It’s the person who made you feel all these things and left you questioning your sanity that was not enough. We all have standards for a reason. However far out of the park they are, we have them for a reason, and we should hold on dearly to them, especially if they are uncompromisable. There is always some truth to cliches. Do with them as you will. Never lower your standards for anyone.

The day you do so is the day you start losing yourself. I think we as women believe that when we have a lot going on for ourselves, are educated and beautiful, and have our heads screwed on tightly to our bodies that it will be hard to form relationships. Romantic ones, especially. I am here to tell you, sister, you’re mistaken. There is someone out there for whom you were made perfectly. Someone who will complement you and make the perfect companion. Just as God created Eve from Adam’s spare rib, so, too, did He create the person just for you.

As women, we pour so much of ourselves into relationships. When our cups run empty, it is so easy for men to move on to the next. We are then left shattered, lost and hurt. We anguish about the times wasted, knowing that when we first had that inclination to leave, we should have. Those are times that we will never get back. Don’t get me wrong, there is no problem with falling in love with potential. However, for potential to be fruitful, the other individual must be willing to change. They must be willing to learn and grow. If not, falling in love with the supposed potential we see will lead to nothing but failure.

You were probably told your ambitions were too big, your emotions too intense, and your standards too high. Never apologise for wanting more out of life, for expecting honesty and respect. It took a long time, but I eventually realised the problem was not with me. I was never too much. I was just right; the person I was with wasn’t enough to appreciate that. I am the prize, and you are, too.

It’s important to note, though, that your time was never wasted. You gave wholly of yourself because of the goodness of your heart. That is something they will never be able to take from you. As hard as it may seem at the moment to believe it, you are, without a doubt, wholeheartedly deserving of everything good that life has to offer. You will get it. The Lord will turn your pain into joy. The tears you cry today are watering the fruits you will bloom tomorrow.

Think of the lessons learnt, and the strength gained. Reflect on how you grew through the pain and what you discovered about your resilience. Every tear, every sleepless night, and every moment of doubt shapes you into a stronger, more empathetic, and wiser person. These experiences will make the right person value and cherish you for all you are.

Remember, you are never too much for the right person. The right person will see your worth, embrace your complexity, and love you unconditionally. They will support your dreams, respect your boundaries, and walk you through life’s challenges. They won’t make you feel you must diminish yourself to fit into their life. Instead, they will make you feel like you are more than enough, just as you are.

So, hold your head high and keep your standards firm. Trust that the right person will come into your life at the right time. And in the meantime, continue to love yourself fiercely, chase your dreams passionately, and never settle for anything less than you deserve. Also, realise that it’s okay for you to feel defeated. Allow yourself to feel the emotions. Do not suppress them. Let them out. Your story is far from over, and the best chapters are yet to come.

Your journey to self-love and acceptance is ongoing. Embrace it, learn from it, and let it guide you to the beautiful future that awaits you. You are strong, you are worthy, and you are never too much. Keep believing in yourself, and the right person will believe in you, too.

Chin up, sister.
Abby

Conquering Dreadful Mental Images: Strategies for Relief

I think some, if not all of us, have an image that will forever be imprinted on our minds. An image that brings a sinking feeling within our stomachs. An image you can see as clear as day whether your eyes are opened or closed. An image that brings you complete dread. You know the one I am talking about, don’t you? You wish you could reach into your consciousness and snatch it from its contents. Erase it completely.

I didn’t think this would be my first post when I decided to take blogging seriously again, but here I am. The question is, how do you get rid of this image? How do you stop your mind from allowing it to slip into your consciousness when your defenses are down? I have some thoughts, although they have yet to be tried and proven by me, but I’ll be sure to provide an update.

It is believed that talking about the things that bother you will set you free. It helps to release all the pent-up emotions, and if you’re in a mindset to receive feedback, it just might help. Just thinking about mentioning this to my therapist is weighing me down. I can feel my body gearing up for fight/flight. And while she may not be the cure-all, she can help with getting to the root cause, which will allow this image to not have power over me.

Distraction is also an idea that pops into my mind. Doing things that keep the mind actively engaged and concentrating on other things is sure to prevent the wayward thoughts and that crippling image from popping up. Refocus.

This brings me to my next point: meditation. Meditation practices can improve focus, reduce stress, and enhance emotional regulation. I have tried meditative techniques before, but my mind always refused to be quiet. They say it becomes easier with practice, though. I’ll give it another try.

I am no expert, and I am always open to feedback. We all have something that constantly burdens us. The most important thing to do is to give ourselves grace. Giving oneself grace involves practicing self-compassion and forgiveness. It’s about acknowledging that mistakes are part of learning and not overly critical of oneself. How we conquer these thoughts and take back our power will be freeing.

Until next time,
Abby