If you want to make God laugh, tell Him about your plans. I was adamant I did not want children, nor would I date someone who had any of their own. Well, for eight short months, I was partly responsible for not one but four incredible children who opened my heart’s capacity for love. God sure does have a sense of humour!
I won’t come here to sugarcoat and say it was easy because it was not. The first day I met them, I was cowering away behind a façade of indifference. Four pairs of eyes stared back at someone who would now be in control of their well-being. I, on the other hand, was petrified. I didn’t think I was up for the task; most of all, I had a strong feeling that they did not like me. My insecurities were rearing their ugly heads.
In the following months, I became fiercely protective of them, and to this day, I want and wish to save them from the people who are supposed to love them the most. They were no longer some kids-they were my kids. My entire existence changed. There was nothing I wouldn’t do for them, and I would go to hell and back for them. Their coming into my life was one of the highlights of my year, and forming an even closer relationship was the icing on top. Through them, I learnt so much about myself and what it means to be a parent. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but I know I did a heck of a job!
My entire world revolved around them. There was no decision I made without considering them. There was no store that I walked into and left empty-handed. If I saw something that reminded me of them, I just had to get what it was. They consumed every thought, their needs, and what they would like. Through all this, I knew that I had some changes to make on my own. I didn’t have the ideal childhood, and I’m thankful for how I was raised, but I knew I had to do things differently. So, as any millennial parent, I was entertained by the gentle parenting technique. All over my social media fyps were posts about gentle parenting. I wanted to make a difference. I made sure to apologise to them when I was wrong. I corrected them. I included them, but most of all, I respected them. There were some things that I was bullheaded about, such as cleanliness. I am an “everything has its place,” and being in the military does not help. Ha!
It’s important to remember that children are humans, too. Have conversations with and include them. There is so much they learn from us. I never thought that I would be on the phone for hours talking to an eight-year-old or a thirteen-year-old. Sometimes, neither of us said anything, but we had peace of mind knowing that there was someone on the other end of the line. These shared experiences shape who we are and who we become. When they look back years from now, I hope they remember the lessons and the love and support that surrounded them. I hope they remember that their voices mattered and that they were never alone in their journey.
We talked through their problems. It wasn’t just about solving them for them but about letting them know they were heard and valued. These conversations were not always filled with words of wisdom but with moments of mutual understanding and support.
These interactions taught me the importance of being present and patient. They also taught me resilience, empathy, and the power of open communication. They told me everything! As painful as it was at times, I am thrilled I could be a source for them to confide in. I hope these lessons stay with them as they grow, reminding them that they are never alone and that someone cares deeply for them.
My time with them abruptly and unexpectedly came to an end. My world shattered, and the pain that came from losing them is inexplicable. It blows my mind when I think of parents intentionally hurting their children. I cannot fathom how anyone can look into the innocent eyes of children and take out all their frustrations on them. Yes, it sometimes gets overwhelming, but that is no excuse for mistreatment. Children are looking at what we do more so than what we say. The things we do and say shape their behaviours and development. Parenting involves selflessness. It is essential to be discerning about who to bring around your child(ren). I can’t imagine being away from my child, nor can I understand parents choosing to walk away.
No child asked for permission to be on this Earth. It is not their responsibility to be thankful and appreciative of the sacrifices we make. It may seem like a sacrifice to us, but to children and wise folks, that is simply parenting. I am no expert, but my entire perspective changed when I was with them. It’s true when they say you never really know what you have until it’s gone. I miss them a lot. I miss the chaos, and I miss the mess. Why? Because it was beautifully chaotic, and there was nowhere else, I would rather be.
In the middle of our bubble being pricked, an eight-year-old told me I was her best friend and that she wanted to follow in my footsteps. That shattered my heart into a million pieces! It also solidified what I knew to be true: I made a fantastic impact. I will always have space to carry my love for them. I am also profoundly apologetic to them for not being able to protect them and give them the life they deserved.
Thank you, God, for bringing them to me and showing me beauty in chaos. I know they will never see this post, but to the four innocent souls who opened my eyes, heart, and purse! I love you with every fibre of my being. I miss our playful banter, nicknames, enthralling conversations, and lessons where the four of you were the teacher at different times. I will always carry the memories we made with me.
Sometimes, I find myself reminiscing about the small moments that defined our time together—cooking together, putting furniture together, café dates and McDonald’s runs, laughing until our stomachs hurt, the innocent questions only children can ask, and the heartfelt conversations about their dreams and fears. These moments, though fleeting, are etched in my heart forever.
I also learnt to embrace the imperfections of parenting. There were days when I felt utterly exhausted, overwhelmed, and unsure of myself. But in those moments, I discovered the true strength of love. It’s not about having all the answers or being perfect; it’s about showing up, being present, and loving with all your heart. And that’s precisely what I did.
My journey with those four incredible children has taught me the profound impact we can have on each other’s lives. It’s a reminder that love knows no bounds and that our connections can transcend time and circumstance’s limitations.
To anyone in a similar situation, embrace the chaos, cherish the moments, and never underestimate love’s power in transforming lives.
With love,
Abby
Authentically Abby 